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#305277 - 10/05/09 03:14 PM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: takingflight]
PatchworkMama Offline


Registered: 01/24/09
Posts: 54
Loc: Iowa
Everyone, thank you for your brave responses. They mean a lot to lost and very confused woman, wife and mother of four.

Allen, thank you I have been checking out the posts as I have time and they have given good insight..

Hi DJ. I figured you would respond. wink

Daniel_forgotten, thank you for your brave response. I would love to hear more if you are up to it. You brought tears to my eyes with your compliment - it means a lot.

takingflight. Thank you. What you have said rings true a bit too. My H feels a definite loss of time at night when I see a completely different H. Usually I talk to his 12 year old self, who walks differently, talks differently and is very confused about why he is in our house. The 12 year old is very much stuck at processing what happened to him and want to tell someone but is scared that his abuser will kill him. It is a very distinct personality from the H I know. The same with th 14, 16, and 18 year old. Each have a very different personality and are stuck just after a traumantic moment for my H.

However during the day my H says he never loses time or finds himself in a place he doesn't recognize. He doesn't get emails or see anything that seems strange to him and he never feels like he loses time. But then why doesn't he remember the internet stuff? Maybe here he doesn't lose time?

Just a thought. Thank you all. I would love to continue hearing your stories and advice.

Shawn


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#305282 - 10/05/09 04:24 PM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: PatchworkMama]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Shawn.

I am so empathizing with you. I can only imagination what your going through.

I fully understand - well most of it. There have been moments where my personality is split but my T states they will come together.

I would like to help anyway that I can and in what you need. I have no problem being there.

From what your saying about the internet, maybe it is his confusing about sex and its connection with the happenings from years ago. This is powerful stuff and it is causing the DID - right Daniel. I think Daniel has a better idea about the DID.

I have the PTSD which I understand is similiar to the DID just like takingflight stated. I have dissociated in the past. I can and have lost whole days although not in a row. I do lose myself at times. I know how frustating it is for my loved ones.

NOW for you Shawn. I say give yourself a pat on the back for being there for you and yours. I know this will help in getting some understanding. BUT, give yourself a break too if your NOT getting one. It is challenging to remember daily events and experience those events with him only to have him not remember them the next moment. At times this has to hurt.

PM if you need to. I would like to hear from you.

You are a strong person who deserves fun and relief.

Peace,
DJ







Edited by DJsport (10/05/09 04:35 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#305323 - 10/05/09 09:49 PM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: DJsport]
PatchworkMama Offline


Registered: 01/24/09
Posts: 54
Loc: Iowa
I am totally distraught. I went to my therapist this afternoon and let him know all that was going on. I was expecting him to help me deal with all that my husband and I are going through. He suggested instead that I leave my husband.

He says that my H is lying about everything. That it is not dissociation but rather deliberate deception. I am being manipulated and controlled (perhaps not intentionally) by my husband. He says my H exploits my loyalty and generosity. He gave me the number of a domestic violence shelter.

Wow, I first went for help with my own personal issues, and my lack of direction in my life. I've only seen him about 4 times and my H has never met him. How did we jump to this point?

Maybe its time for a new T? One that specializes in PTSD/DID and male csa? One who can help me and my personal issues with knowledge and respect to my H?

I don't know who/what to believe any more. My H? His alters? My T? And I don't want to leave my H. I just want to live a peaceful safe life for all of us. I'm tired of questioning my sanity and choices. I don't want to leave and that's all I really know.


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#305329 - 10/05/09 10:38 PM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: PatchworkMama]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6704
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: PatchworkMama
Maybe its time for a new T? One that specializes in PTSD/DID and male csa? One who can help me and my personal issues with knowledge and respect to my H?

I don't know who/what to believe any more. My H? His alters? My T? And I don't want to leave my H. I just want to live a peaceful safe life for all of us. I'm tired of questioning my sanity and choices. I don't want to leave and that's all I really know.


Shawn (Patchworkmama),

I think you got it. You need a new T. Your present T is giving you very bad advice.

Allen

pufferfish




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#305352 - 10/06/09 01:39 AM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: PatchworkMama]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6704
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: PatchworkMama

My H feels a definite loss of time at night when I see a completely different H. Usually I talk to his 12 year old self, who walks differently, talks differently and is very confused about why he is in our house. The 12 year old is very much stuck at processing what happened to him and want to tell someone but is scared that his abuser will kill him. It is a very distinct personality from the H I know. The same with th 14, 16, and 18 year old. Each have a very different personality and are stuck just after a traumantic moment for my H.

This is so interesting and seems like tremendous progress.

Originally Posted By: Patchworkmama

However during the day my H says he never loses time or finds himself in a place he doesn't recognize. He doesn't get emails or see anything that seems strange to him and he never feels like he loses time. But then why doesn't he remember the internet stuff? Maybe here he doesn't lose time?


This sounds like my story. I didn't lose time during the day either. Any stuff he doesn't remember is beyond the amnestic veil.

I still need to write up my own story as far as DID is concerned. The reason it is coming so slow is that I have to pull a lot of stuff together in order to make it succinct and cogent. Some of it has grown cold in my memory.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#305365 - 10/06/09 07:26 AM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: pufferfish]
Michael811 Offline


Registered: 10/06/09
Posts: 6
Loc: Atlanta, Georgia
Hello, my name is Michael and I have never been on a site like this. I was treated for many years by therapist that did not know the difference in one diagnosis and DID. I tried suicide so many times until I finally came to understand that it was DID. Find a Therapist that believes in you and in DID that makes all the difference in the world.

I don't know what this site is all about, so if I am out of line I am sorry.

Michael


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#305383 - 10/06/09 11:39 AM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: Michael811]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6704
Loc: USA
Michael,

That was a helpful post. You're doing just fine!

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#305404 - 10/06/09 02:25 PM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: pufferfish]
PatchworkMama Offline


Registered: 01/24/09
Posts: 54
Loc: Iowa
Michael,

I think that you are very brave for saying what you have. To reach out and find all of us here takes a lot of courage. Thank you. You helped me realize something....

I have come to this conclusion, I must follow what I know... my H that I see is a wonderful, generous, kind, loving man and I love him dearly. What he doesn't remember or what his alters do is irrelevant (unless safety is compromised - unprotected sex, maniac lovers, etc.). What matters is what I felt when I first met him and still feel today, he is like my missing puzzle piece.

I must find a support system and therapist that understands this instead of those that undermines me and my H.

This must be a very lonely diagnosis for all of you and your SO's. So many don't even think that what you have is real. So many don't believe what you say. And the implications are far-reaching. Support must be nearly impossible to find. It makes me so sad. I understand the suicide attempts - it feels like there is no way out and no one who believes any of this is real or beyond your control.

And for me, because I choose to stand behind my husband I have to go against my therapist, my family, all of my support system. All who say I am a gutless wimp showing my children to be a doormat. But damn it. This is not the easy path. Its just the right path. We all deserve to have somebody stand behind us.

Please continue talking. Sharing our pain helps others know we are not alone no matter what the world says. There is hope.



Edited by PatchworkMama (10/06/09 02:26 PM)

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#305409 - 10/06/09 02:40 PM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: PatchworkMama]
Michael811 Offline


Registered: 10/06/09
Posts: 6
Loc: Atlanta, Georgia
PatchworkMama

I did not have anyone to stand behind or beside me for so long. I never told my mom what I had or even what so many of her friends and family did to me. It took finding a therapist that I could trust to help me come back to life.I have tried everything and nothing ever seemed to work. I lost my family in this battle as they turned their backs on me as if I was to blame. I now have someone on my side like your husband has you. It maybe hard to stand beside someone who has been through so much but they did not ask for this it was put upon them by outsiders. I looked at my nephew once and thought to myself How could they have done this to a child that age and then I realized they did that to me at that age. He needs your support and your love.


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#305410 - 10/06/09 02:53 PM Re: Dissociative Disorder [Re: PatchworkMama]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
they are there to help but they can be a lot of trouble too. i'm not sure what's your husband's case, looks like they are him at different ages? IDK, we have some who are a child version of some older ones, but most of them are totally different people. the more we think about the others, the less we can think about 'ourselves' as a single being. when at public, only 2 or 3 show up. most of them, specially children won't ever come out unless they feel they are around ppl we trust blindly. Only happens with 1 friend and had happened with the T. It happens sometimes when we come here too.

this is how it works for us: there's a lot of stuff some of them remember and lived as kids and they won't share with the others. There's some stuff many of us remember but from different views. like if you are standing looking at a train. Now you remember being in front of train, back, above and inside. it's the same memory looked at from different places, each one different feelings, thoughts or just nothing but images.

sometimes something triggers someone and then he can flashback and others are exposed to his memories. That's not good. That usually ends up wrong.

sometimes one uf us remembers something happened in some way and other remembers it happened in a completely twisted different way. so it's ok because we feel like at least some of us were safe and ok.

another thing is about the body. We don't really feel conected with it. it's hard to explain but it is like body is something completely different. many of us dont even know what it looks like. only a few feel they look like the body. When bad stuff happens we can't feel the body at all.

well we don't know how much that helps, we're sorry if we're just writing nonsense.


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