Michael B, you took the words out of my mouths too.
I feel as I am a bystander during sex and there events are unfolding around me as i just let them happen and become very passive. Things begin to feel unreal, like I am watching a movie of myself with the person as opposed actually being mentally present. It seems like I am split into an automation where I robotically go though the motion while trying to feel as little as possible, That or I go into what sono described a sort of high anxiety panic mode and everything feels too intense. I used to do the panic thing and then I "created" The robot persona which made sex much easier to do without all of the fear attached to it. Funny enough, sex to me was not about enjoyment, and never was, it was about fulfilling that part of the role of the contract in a relationship, something that must be accomplished for me to have some one stay with me and this is worth the price to have somebody there for me
. This is sad to think about, but I guess it needs to be addressed. The problem is I don't know how to cure it or begin to get help with it, I was thinking about maybe going to see a sexual Therapist, and I have spoke briefly to my Therapist about doing that and he said that maybe something to consider.
As of now I don't consider sex with somebody an enjoyable act but rather a necessity to satisfy a partner and keep her happy. Thinking about myself as a non-sexually person pains me because I view it as a major flaw to my masculinity. It is as if I am lead to believe that all (normal) guys have frequent sex and are virtual Casanova's in the bedroom and therefor to qualify as a Real Man, I should/must be like that too, and I know that I am defiantly NOT like that!
Good topic and thank for letting me share my thoughts.
This is something that I have not been facing and an issue that really need to be addressed and faced!