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#304494 - 09/28/09 10:00 AM i
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
.




Edited by Freedom49 (05/21/10 05:47 PM)

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#304503 - 09/28/09 10:39 AM Re: Invisible person in my bedroom [Re: Freedom49]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
what a great perspective roger. this reminds of danny t's discussion and his experiment.

the fact that any subsequent sexual touch is an echo of the first is very credible. i know for myself i have determined to maintain a very close connection to that first orgasm, whether in relationships with others or myself.

there is so much to consider on the topic of the common thread, and that is, as you identified, the 'invisible person in my bedroom'.

thanks for the important sharing.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
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#304504 - 09/28/09 10:51 AM Re: Invisible person in my bedroom [Re: Sans Logos]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
This is one I've been thinking about more and more of late. I've become convinced there is an aspect of the hiddenn spectre in my bedroom as well. Thanks for the food for thought, Roger.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#304505 - 09/28/09 11:08 AM Re: Invisible person in my bedroom [Re: WalkingSouth]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Roger.

I have been experiencing the exact same thing.

I have read a book entitled "Ghosts in the bedroom". I am not sure of the author as I am at work.

It was written with survivors in mind.

Your not alone.

Peace my friend,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#304519 - 09/28/09 01:07 PM Re: Invisible person in my bedroom [Re: DJsport]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
This makes perfect sense and I think would apply to many. Interesting topic to ponder and identify the times when the mind wanders away or shuts down during sex.

Thanks for bringing this up.



Edited by prisonerID (09/28/09 01:11 PM)
_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#304697 - 09/30/09 12:35 AM Re: Invisible person in my bedroom [Re: prisonerID]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
The absence of panic during sex that wasn't with my perp became disconcerting at some point I think. I realize there was a part of me looking for that panic feeling, and creating it by panicking about everything...that's a real aphrodisiac for sure! This was probably 9 years after the abuse ended...wow that's not as long as I had thought, I just never counted the years before...I thought the absence of panic was some flaw in me...again. I never realized that this panicked feeling was such a non stop feature of things with my perp until recently. It's really strange to think about now, but I ask myself today, who would want to be panicked during sex? It's a feeling I can conjure up at any second if I let myself...that really sucks! Well, at least I know I don't have to feel that way any more and it's good that way! You're right Roger, it's a whole different thing!!!! Thank god!

I wonder how many guys have had the sex panic thing, not the full blown panic attack, now that's something quite different I think, but maybe not...anyway just all panicked up while the abuse was taking place and always trying to recreate that feeling thereafter in one way or another.


sono



Edited by sono (09/30/09 07:23 AM)
Edit Reason: clarification
_________________________
the family
the perp

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#304715 - 09/30/09 09:05 AM Re: Invisible person in my bedroom [Re: sono]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
the 12-15 year old 'i' never panicked during sex with my brother. but all other experiences that were not with him were full of anxiety. this feels like a place i really don't want to go.....but i am going to have to at some point. probably very soon.....

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#304720 - 09/30/09 11:03 AM Re: Invisible person in my bedroom [Re: Sans Logos]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I am sorry Ron. I know that feeling all to well. (((((Ron))))

Roger


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#304734 - 09/30/09 12:37 PM Re: Invisible person in my bedroom [Re: Freedom49]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
thanks friend,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#305050 - 10/03/09 01:50 PM Re: Invisible person in my bedroom [Re: Sans Logos]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 328
I don't want to veer off topic but the OP reminds me:

It is still amazing to me that I never picked up on the amount of anxiety my husband had in the bedroom. I always thought it was just sexual energy/nervousness.
In reality, He was so scared of not pleasing me that he was fearful. This is because when he didn't please his abuser he was then....I don't know how to say it.....he was tortured/punished...essentially- bad things happened.

That seems to be better now that we are both aware of it.


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