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#30445 - 03/18/05 10:00 PM Tired of nightmares (STRONG TRIGGERS!)
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Mostly, on public, I try to be the supportive person, to share strength and not to take it. But today I have to let this go, and it's NOT honest to be the cheery one all the time.

More frigging nightmares last night. Mostly feeling helpless when I was raped and abused. And the little details of hating him during the time he had me tied up in his office. I wasn't able to scream for help because of the gag he knotted in my mouth or fight him off because of the things he tied my arms and legs with. How he tried to get me to go along with him by hitting on me when I was essentially his prisoner.

Mostly, being utterly horrified as he tried to smother me, feeling the damn pillow or whatever he was shoving down over my face. Hearing my own smothered, gagged screams, while he told me to not struggle. That he was sorry, that he LOVED me.

SAYING HE LOVED ME WHILE HE WAS MURDERING ME! \:\(

I hate this f**ker so much. So f**king much.

\:\(

It passes, I know. It always does, but how he could do something like this to a child who depended on him. Who LOVED him.

\:\(

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#30446 - 03/18/05 10:08 PM Re: Tired of nightmares (STRONG TRIGGERS!)
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
It's no wonder that you have recurring nightmares after all of what has happened to you.

It was itself a horrible nightmare, among the worst things a person can imagine.

I think your subconcious is trying to 'work out' what happened to you. Certainly, each day you wish it had not happened. Your subconcious, I think, may be responding to that concious yearning.

Are you taking meds which exacerbate the problem, promote dreaming, or can you be prescribed some medication which would temper if not eliminate the nightmares?

There must be something that can be done.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#30447 - 03/19/05 12:11 AM Re: Tired of nightmares (STRONG TRIGGERS!)
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
Although you wouldn't know it from my posts this week, I know what you mean about having to be Mr. Helper. You don't have to be the helper all the time. I'm glad you posted.

Your nightmares sound terrible. And to think you carry all that around with you during the day like nothing happened. It's no wonder your dreams have become such a unwelcome release for your subconscious. It's the details that get me, too. We hate that guy with you.
Quote:
SAYING HE LOVED ME WHILE HE WAS MURDERING ME!
You couldn't have summed it up any better. They murdered us. There was a posting a while back about soul murder and all that--I don't want to go there. I believe what they did to us was just as bad as murder. The guy took away the life free from such conflict, free from nightmares and reliving the whole thing over and over and over.

Talking them out helps. Takes away some of their power. That's what we're here for. I hope you find some peace.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#30448 - 03/19/05 10:47 PM Re: Tired of nightmares (STRONG TRIGGERS!)
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Scot
As we heal we start to do the normal things in life once again, we enjoy sports and hobbies, we join in with everyday life and mix with other people again.

Our dreams seem to be our minds way of sorting out what has been important to us during that day, so if the the most important thing on any particular day has been something mundane and normal, that's what our minds will deal with at night.

My nightmares have gone, I dream of 4x4's up to their windows in mud and my shithead manager now.
Maybe they're nightmares as well ? ;\)

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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