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#304407 - 09/27/09 03:56 PM .
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 09:28 PM)

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#304413 - 09/27/09 04:34 PM Re: Question out to those who are bi? [Re: bardo213]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Originally Posted By: lynchmob212001
I fear being called gay in society because I choose to be straight. I can't even stand gay people. Im not homophobe there just annoying.


As a happy gay man who is tired of others stating they "can't stand gay people" when they have their own fears about being gay I have to say "look at your own stuff and be respectful of others. And be respectful of yourself.

You have never met me or even tried so don't say I am annoying. Of course now that I am in your face so to speak you might say I am annoying you.

The mods here might say DJ your violating some rule, I say suspend me. I am needing to speak up here because I am gay and being treated with disrespect and not being given a chance.

I have respect for all on here and deserve the same. I understand you or at least can say I have experienced some of what your going through.

This may be just the push I need to move on. I know one of the main issues here is "did the abuse cause me to be gay and if so what do i do about it". I come here and try to get through those of you who are struggling to here statements like the above. "Oh tell me about being bi - but know I think gay people are annoying."

Peace,
DJ



Edited by DJsport (09/27/09 08:10 PM)
_________________________
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#304418 - 09/27/09 05:25 PM Re: Question out to those who are bi? [Re: DJsport]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 280
I think both your posts are a bit disrespectful. Lynchmob, theres nothing wrong with SSA. Everyone has it at least sometimes, including myself. DJ, you shouldn't take what he said so personally. We're all human beings with human weakness and not out to hurt each other.


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#304488 - 09/28/09 09:44 AM Re: Question out to those who are bi? [Re: InsideTheWall]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
Lynchmob, I hear ya and I understand your concern. I have had the same concerns and feelings. I find it really sad and annoying that I can attract homosexuals far easier than I can attract girls.

DJ, what I find annoying and nauseating is how I can be in a bar in Wyoming, hit up on a woman, and she can slap the hell out of me for it. That's justified, if she tells me to back off and I don't. But, as I found out in Laramie Wyoming, if a homosexual hits up on me, I tell him to back off, and he doesn't, I cannot do anything about it. If I hit him, it's assault and I go to jail for assault and suspicion of a hate crime.

I'm not a homophobe, as I don't fear them one bit. But they better be Carl-phobe, because the next time a homosexual doesn't back off after being told to, they're gonna get hurt bad.

I was raped by a bi-sexual. I tried it, like normal kids do, when I was a kid. And I found it sick, disgusting and repulsive. If you like it DJ, I'm happy for you. But leave me out of it. I don't do the gay scene.

Lynch was polite in voicing his concern and opinion. I won't be. Don't like it? Wah.


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#304508 - 09/28/09 11:26 AM . [Re: LilacLouie]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 09:29 PM)

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#304521 - 09/28/09 01:28 PM Re: Question out to those who are bi? [Re: bardo213]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, LilacLouie

I respect where you are coming from. If it a personal attack on you then it is wrong. I would do the exact same thing. To me it is about respect for the PERSON.

I was upset at the finger pointing about "gays" in general that I thought this post started out in rhetoric.

Now I understand more about the author and the notion it is about wording, so I will stay away from any further posts.

Again, I was upset at the wording for "all gays".

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#304525 - 09/28/09 02:10 PM Re: Question out to those who are bi? [Re: DJsport]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
LL,

Boundaries are boundaries no matter who is involved or what sexuality is discussed. No one should push themselves past the initial "no" you or anyone else gives. It can happen with gays and it can happen with straight and bi folks as well. I am gay and have had to put up with boundary pushing from females which is as bothersome to me as some find it coming from a man.

All orientations can be pushy and show lack of respect to others. I wish all would respect boundaries period.





Edited by prisonerID (09/28/09 02:23 PM)
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#304538 - 09/28/09 04:23 PM Re: Question out to those who are bi? [Re: prisonerID]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
To LL, yeah, I get annoyed when people don't get the hint. I think you kinda ran over DJ a little bit much though. I don't think he meant for you to feel cornered, he was just responding to Lynch's statement about all gay people being annoying as if they're all the same.

Lynch, I initially may have thought this many years ago, but I now know plenty of gay people, and they aren't all flamboyant and queeny. SOme are, some are still very much effeminate, but if UFC or Football or something else is on the TV, they don't run screaming looking for HGTV. They will eat wings and drink beer with you, and they won't try to get in your pants. Lastly in my experience are the gay guys who you would never even know are gay. You can't tell unless they tell you or you find out some other way through the grape vine. Just like any other group of people, they're stereotyped. Everybody is.


Anyways Lynch, what I wanted to say is that chances are, deep down if you do a lot of soul searching and you're honest, you know at the end of the day who you are and what you really want. If you're thoughts are starting off with "what if I'm gay/bisexual" or "how do I know if I'm gay/bisexual" and you don't know or have any obvious answer, chances are you're not. Ruminating will lock you into a habituated thought pattern, and you'll fixate and micro-analyze everything to DEATH until you have an answer, and if you do all that, chances are you'll question your answer and keep on repeating. Chances are you probably know, you just have to really think about it.


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#304579 - 09/28/09 10:04 PM . [Re: AndyS87]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 09:29 PM)

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#304587 - 09/28/09 11:02 PM Re: Question out to those who are bi? [Re: bardo213]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
Makes perfect sense Lynch. Not sure if I asked you about this before, but have you ever heard of HOCD? I've posted at a forum that adresses that kind of stuff, and although most of it is usually just people freaking out, occasionally somebody who has some sense posts there.

If there's enough anxiety surrounding this for you, then rumination will drive you nuts. I did that for a long time. There's also a "I wonder if I'm bisexual" part of things that seems to get people as well. Usually they "accept" this fact, and then notice that just from facing up to the fear the entire line of thought disappears along with the supposed "attraction". Since OCD is an anxiety disorder, if something makes you particularly anxious surrounding your sexual orientation, it's possible that when triggered this is the way you would respond. I saw a therapist about this, and she noted that while I didn't specifically have OCD/HOCD I most definitely had general anxiety disorder, and enlightened me into realizing that with anxiety disorders it's not so much what they're called as it is the symptoms.

If that doesn't sound like your thing, but acknowledging your bisexual makes you straighter, I gotta say I can't really say you're bisexual. Especially if you don't want to be with other men. What you call leftovers from the abuse, if that's how you phrase em, are likely just that. Leftovers from the abuse. Nothing more, nothing less. If you can find a good therapist who can help you take away the pain and the trauma of those leftovers and the incidents that caused them, I think you'll likely start feeling a whole lot better. Just my 2 cents though.

As far as your girlfriend goes I don't know what to tell you. I'm only just getting ready to get out and start dating, because of all the social anxiety I've never really dealt with until now, as an after effect of a lot of this stuff.


Good luck figuring it all out though dude.


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