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#30422 - 11/04/03 01:21 PM Trust
fishpond Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 6
Loc: California
In thinking about my life and reading these posts I I feel so damn lonely. The abuse I survived has left me so guarded and unable to trust anyone. Sometimes I just want to know how to make a friend, how to trust someone again. I feel do damn needy. Thank you for listening.

_________________________
Dave

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#30423 - 11/04/03 01:26 PM Re: Trust
Joey G. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 28
Loc: FL
I Know what you mean. \:\( Trust is built on knowledge accumulated over time.. So as you get to know the person, trust forms gradually. \:D It sounds like such a simple process, but it's difficult because we have been hurt before. Our trust in others has been violated. \:\( This is where we can help each other.


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#30424 - 11/04/03 03:02 PM Re: Trust
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
My social skills were greatly damaged not only the the CSA but also by the emotional and physical abuse I experienced.

Feeling comfortable and self confident around people and learning how to make friends was something I not only was not taught but was set up to fail at. So, now that I have begun to recover from all that, I have begun to learn those skills.

I agree that it is about learning to trust and that is a gradual process. Learning to have patience with myself is hard sometimes.

Brett.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#30425 - 11/04/03 07:22 PM Re: Trust
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Dave
this is a good place to learn trust, the guys here support, help and care for each other. And we couldn't do that without some degree of trust.

I hope find this a good place to be.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#30426 - 11/04/03 09:44 PM Re: Trust
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Dave - Trust indeed is hard...very hard for us survivors. I focus on a saying: A ship is safe in the harbor but that's not what ships were built to do. Life is meant to be lived. Yes, I was safe in the harbor talking about what it might be like to be free to sail the ocean; however, that sailing was not real until I gradually trusted to "just try it" a little at a time!! Trust happens with one step at a time... gradually.

Happy sailing! Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#30427 - 11/04/03 09:58 PM Re: Trust
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
Dave,

I have no words of wisdom to offer, but my therapist and I endlessly discuss my inability to trust.

There's a great poem in the poetry section where a survivor wonders if a person is friend or foe. I think that lots of survivors go through that. I certainly do.

Harry


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#30428 - 11/05/03 04:15 AM Re: Trust
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Dave,

This is a good place to gradually come out of your shell. The trust that I had in someone that treated me badly tainted the way I thought about anyone who wanted to befriend me for decades. Through therapy, this site and some survivor retreats I've learned that there are trustworthy people out there. I'm still cautious but I have read so many honest, heartfelt posts here that I feel that I know these guys. I've met a few of them in person and I've never been disappointed.

Welcome. Take good care of yourself, this is a good place to be.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#30429 - 11/05/03 08:05 AM Re: Trust
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
I totally understand what you mean, it is hard to rebuild trust after what we were forced to endure. In a way we are like the spouse who was cheated on, hear me out, we trusted, but we were hurt, and that hurt never totally goes away, but we must learn to trust and believe in spite of what has happened, and in spite of how hard it is and how much it hurts. There are more good people in the world than bad, and sadly we have all been 'hounded' by the bad people, but we can all find good people, and in time we will all heal enough to trust again, it will always hurt at least some but in time the trust totaly out wieghs the pain.

scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#30430 - 11/05/03 09:25 AM Re: Trust
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Brothers:

Becoming a parent as I turned 40 showed me the importance of trust. As my daughter grew up she trusted my completely and I did not betray that trust. As a parent we give love unconditionally and no strings. Children do the same in a caring a loving relationship.

That is what we did not receive. Unconditional love and the trust was betrayed. And it occured at a formative time in our lives.

No wonder we have trouble around both these issues.

Aside from my family the only place tha I have given trust and love unconditionally is here. Even though I do not know any of you personally I feel that I have known you in another time and place. The gerosity, brotherly love and strong support are available here in endless quantities. And for that alone I amso happy I have found this site. I think all of you will agree with that statement.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#30431 - 11/06/03 02:48 AM Re: Trust
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I understand, the difficulty to trust. Sometime, even now, I find myself not trusting even good people sometime. If someone say something that I interpret wrongly, I start to question my trust of them. I hate that it happens, I hate that I do that, because they deserve trust, they deserve that from me, and I feel wrong to not trust. But it still is hard, because I feel low of myself, and that I do not deserve good people, so if they like me, then they must be wrong, they must not be trusted. I am sorry, not sure of what I am saying. Please know that you are welcome here, and that you will start to learn to trust more, it is slow thing, but it will happen.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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