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#304120 - 09/25/09 01:45 AM Oneness...
blueturtle Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 8
Loc: Eastern Washington
I havent been in here in years so I am just popping back to share some of my many new experiences. I was really depressed and forlorn before when I was here. Today much of the depression has subsided and I have more hope than I have had since i cant remember and faith that things will work out in my life. Trust maybe even that I am alright and sooo much of what I felt were mistakes and missed chances...its all perfect.

Its a weird place let me tell you. I don't always feel this but its a predominant state which is huge.

The main thing I believe that is the foundation for this and so many different experiences and "healing" moments (and modalities)is this Oneness factor.

i don't know from experience yet that it is fact...but it dose seem to be the basis for so many spiritual paths and so many people have had "it" as an experience... The dissolving of their personal/individual identity and experiencing an infinite expansive connection to everything...All that is. Accompanied for many with a feeling of bliss or infinite love.

Hearing so many accounts has given me the willingness do begin to adopt it as a philosophy...trusting as I peel away the layers of untruth and false beliefs, that I have and that unconsciously direct my thinking and life, I may someday experience it... in this seemingly separate body/mind thing I am in.

Anyway, point being that my beginning exploration has been fruitful even without some mystical experience.

The pain from being sexually abused...then the inner devided state of repressing it...then remembering was excruciating and debilitating. I cant tell you how many jobs I quit because of my depression or social phobias or shame.

I am sooo not all better. I have many areas in my life I wish to be better...most actually. But I just got a little email newsletter thing and thought where I am is amazing givin my past and has hope perhaps for others so i thought Id share.

Would love to hear any ones thoughts on this oneness thing or others experiences.

I will probably share more as time goes on. I feel I am only just starting to wake up and be more aware of "my"...i don't know what. Life? Self? I am more aware of something...clearly not that aware. Perhaps my journey of figuring out what that something is might be worth sharing?

Anyway blessings and love and more love to everyone here. 7000 members is amazing. Both sad and hopeful. There is light where it only seems dark. Hold on, do what you can, and you will see it ...and experience it. A life beyond the pain. Peace.


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#304124 - 09/25/09 01:53 AM Re: Oneness... [Re: blueturtle]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Welcome back my man, glad to have you back again. I am here just trying to share my experience in recovery, in the hope that some here might not have to suffer for as long as I did before they too can enjoy the freedom that I have found in my own life. Usually I try to stay off of the Spirituality forum, due to some odd issues in my past that still could use a little work. When I saw a name that I didn't recognize, I thought that I would give it a look.

Recovery is possible, my man, and together here recovery is a lot easier than it is alone.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#304125 - 09/25/09 02:01 AM Re: Oneness... [Re: Trucker51]
blueturtle Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 8
Loc: Eastern Washington
Thanks for the welcome back. when you say "recovery" do yo mean in general from this abuse or the drugs/alcohol type o recovery...or both?


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#304128 - 09/25/09 02:45 AM Re: Oneness... [Re: blueturtle]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
In my case it was my drug addiction, my sex addiction, my issue with acting inward, and my repeated victimization, sexually, physically, and emotionally too, with a religious-abuse component thrown-in for good measure. I spent a total of nearly 5 years in therapy and in-person support groups between 1986 and 2000 before I felt that I was ready to move forward beyond my recovery. I am also a 2-time Hazelden grad and a Prescott House dropout too, plus I also had three different outpatient drug groups over time. Today I am a week away from 9 years and 10 months clean off of my drug of choice, which was IV and crack cocaine. December 1st will be 10 years off of illegal drugs for me, and over 9 years ago, in May of 2000 I survived a round of handshakes and hugs, and walked confidently out of my last in-person CSA support group for the last time. I then enjoyed the best 8 years of my life, on just one job the entire time. Once I was laid-up on an extended medical leave a year ago last Spring I found MS and have spent my time here trying to encourage those guys here who are still struggling.

Like I said, you can find your freedom too,

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#304298 - 09/26/09 01:17 PM Re: Oneness... [Re: blueturtle]
Michael Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/04
Posts: 92
Loc: Claremore, Oklahoma
I agree with everything you have said.

Lately I have begun wondering if going into therapy a few years ago changed anything. Sometimes I wonder if I should not have just stayed in the "acceptance" mode; i.e. Knowing that it happened and quit trying to bring it forward. I quit therapy after a couple of years since I hit a plateau in where ever in the hell I was supposed be.

I thought that I had gotten off the cycle of building then self-destructing. I have about decided that maybe it wasn't just the perps' fault. After the shock of the first time it happened, I still went back for more.

All I want to do now is to just be left the fuck alone. I don't want anyone around. Just let me find my own spiritual path. Or find out that "God" is nothing but the weak forces that holds quarks and such together. I am finding that there is definitely a force that is not understand and maybe can never be comprehended. That is OK, too. I have completely given up on any such thing as a "personal" God. Religions seem to be nothing more than a political and/or social organization (which is probably a natural thing for humans).

Sorry for the rant. Depression has been bothering me a lot the last few months, but another financial meltdown tends to do that.

_________________________
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

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#304701 - 09/30/09 01:28 AM Re: Oneness... [Re: Michael]
blueturtle Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 8
Loc: Eastern Washington
Thats quite a story mark. Amazing what you have overcome.

Michael, I am slowly "working" to get to the I dont know stage. I think any story this little i puts around the concept of "God" has got to be faulty. I am trying to keep going back to that not knowing place in any/all areas of my life...perhaps for the same reason...my understandings are coming from such limited knowledge...but this little i has a big ego and I think I know everything.

I believe what Einstein said if he did...something to the effect that imagination is more powerful than knowledge.

I think (therefore it is quite suspect) that creativity is the source of so much joy in this world...both in the doing and in the recieving.




Edited by blueturtle (09/30/09 01:32 AM)

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#304714 - 09/30/09 08:52 AM Re: Oneness... [Re: blueturtle]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
blueturtle,

i found that once i began to disinvest from the inherited ideological dualisms born of the declining era of patriarchy, and began to learn to live dead center as much as possible, that a new balance seemed to happen almost automatically and effortlessly.

living beyond the stress and anxiety of opinions about whether white is better than black helps me have a clearer viewpoint from which to proceed.

while there is much value to be gained from recognizing the sacred truths as they have been expressed over time in many different cultures and epochs, the fact remains that these truths cannot be articulated in the language of any one culture, time or place, and that they simply can't be conveyed thru spoken word alone.

there is a unificity that exists prior to the human attempt to articulate the experience of many manifestations of that oneness. and i think the notion of getting back to the garden is a metaphor for regaining the state of wholeness that was ours when first sprung forth from the womb.

who knows? if there is no beginning and no end in the eternal now of the supreme presence of awareness, perhaps the big bang idea is merely yet another appearance of countless ripple waves of big bangs involved in the process of trying to un-bang itself in order to resolve the breach of wholeness and make its way back to the oneness it always was, and never lost, in spite of appearances to the contrary.

but then again, the other possibility, is that one of the other myths are true as well, but i'd rather not hang my hat or my hopes on a system of good verses evil. angels duking it out with devils on the plane of the human soul, because prior to that myth arising in the mind of man, there is an occasion when those ideas themselves would have to have had a genesis.

and occasions can only arise in the sphere of a space and time continuum; where is found a sense of 'there' or 'here', and prior to that container, the oneness IS whole complete and undivided, neither here nor there.... just IS.

all the best,

ron


_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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