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#303871 - 09/23/09 05:13 PM about SSA
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
I have made the decision to not respond to posts dealing with what is termed SSA or unwanted SSA (same sex attraction).

I don't feel I am able to really respond in an objective way to such posts. I am a bisexual and went through a lot of denial before and immediately after recovering my CSA memories.

During that time I felt as though admitting I was anything other than straight somehow conflicted with the idea that I was abused and was traumatized by the abuse.

My bias is the feeling that SSA tends to be pathologized as a symptom of abuse rather than accepted as a part of one's sexual orientation and that this tendency springs from homophobia.

However, I am not a therapist and, for all I know, it just may be that SSA can be a symptom of abuse that can be (I am loath to use the word) "fixed" through therapy.

But even if it is, the whole idea of it being something to work through or fix is something that feels offensive to me.

If anyone reading this has any expertise on this topic, I would appreciate any feedback on it, and for the rest, just know that, though I will always support you any way I can, I just don't feel like the right person to respond to posts dealing with unwanted SSA.









Edited by Jaifian (09/23/09 05:14 PM)
Edit Reason: correct error

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#303877 - 09/23/09 06:20 PM Re: [Re: Jaifian]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
.




Edited by Freedom49 (05/21/10 05:54 PM)

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#303907 - 09/23/09 09:06 PM Re: about SSA [Re: Freedom49]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Doug,

I am like you I DO NOT respond to post about unwanted SSA and am very careful when responding to any post that has the wording SSA.

I am very comfortable today with my being gay after having learned about homophobia before the csa.

I avoid the issue of others labeling. I struggled with homophobia by myself and ask questions of others when I needed to.

I see others here use the term "SSA" in order to define sexuality. It is ok for others to do or use any terms they want but, it is my choice to not.

I am of the mind set we do not the term OSA - Opposite Sex Attraction so I will not get into using SSA either.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#303920 - 09/23/09 11:19 PM Re: about SSA [Re: Freedom49]
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
Originally Posted By: Freedom49
Doug, I can truly relate and understand your reaction. It is very confusing. Same Sex Attraction is basically just that. I am attracted to my own sex. I like talking to men, hanging out with men. Admiring them and put me in a mixed group I will gravitate toward the huddle of guys in the corner, around the bar or in front of the TV. I think this is normal and starts at a very young age.

Because of the way my CSA was delivered I personally have a tendency to want to sexualize this normal attraction that admittedly most men have. Since I do not feel I am homosexual in orientation this has led to some very awkward and unpleasant experiences. I am sexually attracted to women but when triggered or emotionally upset tend to want to have sex with a man even though I am not satisfied with it and feel bad about it later. So for me this sexualized attraction to same sex is not desirable. It has messed up my head and my life and two marriages. I wish like you, things were much simpler but human sexuality when side tracked with abuse can be very complicated and many people do not wish to go there. Can't blame them. I never wanted to go there either but I am stuck for the time being. Thanks Dad.

Roger


Thanks for trying to help me better understand. I still feel unsuited for responding to posts dealing with issues of this nature, but I think I at least have a better understanding of what you are speaking of regarding yourself.

I'm afraid I have a lot to learn about this and many other issues survivors can have.



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#304086 - 09/24/09 10:25 PM Re: about SSA [Re: Jaifian]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
Jaifian,

I don't really use the terms SSA or unwanted SSA, so I am not sure, if I feel comfortable or not about responding to posts revolving around these terms.

I just finished reading a book titled, "The Psychology of Sexual Orientation, Behavior, and Identity", by Diamant and McAnulty.

Though I identified with parts of this 510 pg. volume...I feel that I am not any closer to understanding anything about myself.

My problem lies with the fact that I was altered within my development (starting around the age of six or seven).

I really wish I was the one that has expertise on this subject (that seems to revolve around me with no resolution).

I am comfortable that I have no idea where I am at, but have somehow found a place where I am comfortable in my own skin and try to lend support in that direction.


Love the One Your With (Crosby,Stills and Nash)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#304796 - 09/30/09 10:47 PM Re: about SSA [Re: 1islandboy]
Mike1968 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/14/09
Posts: 117
Loc: California
...



Edited by Mike1968 (10/01/09 03:24 AM)
Edit Reason: error-this reply wasn't intended for this thread

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#305677 - 10/08/09 10:01 PM Re: about SSA [Re: Mike1968]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Freedom49, I think you touched upon something here. For me that is the EXACT way that I feel about it. That the SSA, for me, is only brought out when I am emotionally triggered by something, or I feel emotionally weak. But it is most of an emotional feeling than visual, more of an obsession than a true attraction, something to get close to, to fill a void that I feel. I have acted on it and feel terrible afterwards. Thank god it has not interfered with a relationship as I have never been married, I am 28. But from time to time I have struggled with this unwanted feeling and wonder if i am just Bi. it is very confusing!

I'm sorry to have hijacked the tread if that is what I did, but that point that was made is something that I thought I should high light!
Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#305928 - 10/10/09 11:38 PM Re: about SSA [Re: Freedom49]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: Freedom49
Same Sex Attraction is basically just that I am attracted to my own sex. I like talking to men, hanging out with men. Admiring them and put me in a mixed group I will gravitate toward the huddle of guys in the corner, around the bar or in front of the TV. I think this is normal and starts at a very young age
.

I don't view this as same-sex attraction. It is normal for most guys to hangout with each other, whether down at the bar, out at the game, or out in the woods hunting. Men need to hangout with other men to re-enforce their masculinity. It is normal behavior to gravitate toward male to male conversation and friendship. I have read that after men have been married for some time that the importance of their male to male friendships diminish, but in my experience i have seen older married adult guys who still hang around with their guys friends well into retirement too. So I think that the challenge for you Roger is to separate your need for male to male conversation and friendship, which is normal, from your sexual behavior with men when you are stressed.

Just my 2 cents,

Mark





Edited by Trucker51 (10/10/09 11:44 PM)
_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#305931 - 10/10/09 11:48 PM Re: about SSA [Re: Logan]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Logan,
As trucker51 pointed out above the simple definition is just that simple. What is so toxic is when that is sexualized at a very young and formative point in our lives. From then on it becomes confused with sexual feelings and causes much frustration, anxiety, and confusion.

Do I admire, like and feel drawn to this guy over here because he is a really cool guy or am I sexually attracted to him because I am bi/ gay?

I am telling you for me that has been a bitch to sort out.

Thanks dad.


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#306407 - 10/14/09 03:49 AM Re: about SSA [Re: DJsport]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Nicely put. Same sex attraction is no different from an opposite attraction to another gender. It is hardly a disorder.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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