I know I said just yesterday I am leaving. Well, I really do not want to leave. I am reacting.
If I could afford it I would check myself into the hospital.
I feel so trapped. I realize we can only help each other so much.
I am not leaving totally but cutting way back. I have been addicted to coming here. It was controlling my emotions to be here or not be able to get here.
Guys, I am stressed big time and I would come here looking for relief. When in actuality my coming here was stressing me out. I want to help others very badly and I want all hurt to stop. Evil exists as well as GOOD. I can remember back in College in Philosophy class the debate about the existence of Evil. I have to accept the reality of life.
One of the last replies to a post made me jump and think, I need to stop and just be me. In that post, I publicly admitted something I regretted saying. I regretted it because I knew from the start I needed to keep it private.
I am learning the difference between being private and secrecy. I misinterpreted the posters/bloggers messages.
But, I also need to admit that last post I replied to has set me back a bit. I cant take back what I said.
I have some posts that are very highly controversial that have left me feeling raw. HUGE triggers that caused more division than growth. Issues that hurt others especially my brothers in recovery pain me and the last post is devasting for me. I asked the moderators for assistance and I have received no reply which is ok but it tells me I need to decide for myself.
I need to come to peace or not with this issue. I can't do that here are at least need to without any more potential of harm.
In my stress, I have had thoughts of drinking again and former vices. I have been very good about keeping my vices away. But, I am thinking why and who for.
Live to your fullest potential
Never make someone a priority if your only an option