Hi, Guys.

I know I said just yesterday I am leaving. Well, I really do not want to leave. I am reacting.

If I could afford it I would check myself into the hospital.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel so trapped. I realize we can only help each other so much.

I am not leaving totally but cutting way back. I have been addicted to coming here. It was controlling my emotions to be here or not be able to get here.

Guys, I am stressed big time and I would come here looking for relief. When in actuality my coming here was stressing me out. I want to help others very badly and I want all hurt to stop. Evil exists as well as GOOD. I can remember back in College in Philosophy class the debate about the existence of Evil. I have to accept the reality of life.

One of the last replies to a post made me jump and think, I need to stop and just be me. In that post, I publicly admitted something I regretted saying. I regretted it because I knew from the start I needed to keep it private.

I am learning the difference between being private and secrecy. I misinterpreted the posters/bloggers messages.

But, I also need to admit that last post I replied to has set me back a bit. I cant take back what I said.

I have some posts that are very highly controversial that have left me feeling raw. HUGE triggers that caused more division than growth. Issues that hurt others especially my brothers in recovery pain me and the last post is devasting for me. I asked the moderators for assistance and I have received no reply which is ok but it tells me I need to decide for myself.

I need to come to peace or not with this issue. I can't do that here are at least need to without any more potential of harm.

In my stress, I have had thoughts of drinking again and former vices. I have been very good about keeping my vices away. But, I am thinking why and who for.

Peace,
DJ

(((((( D-J !!! ))))))

call a S-T-O-P to the flurry of voices! scream it out loud right where you are...... slap/pat yourself all over from head to toe rapidly for several seconds [10-15 secs]. feel a chemical change occur in your body. release the stuck feelings. breathe brother! deep breathing exercises! sip air in.... to the count of 8.....exhale to the count of 8 on a 'sshhhh' sound. repeat as necessary.

lie down; calm....... relax your entire body from toe to head. talk to each part. fill each part with warm affirming energy.

let go the binding energy....release it

you're ok, brother.

ron

Sometimes this place in combination with going through all of our longtime nagging issues and the issues of others can be depressing.

Take some Lexapro for a few weeks and then call me in the morning!!!

Talking to your doctor first would be a good idea.

Mark

DJ,

Take it easy on yourself. Go out for a walk or something. Getting outside is good for me at least. Actually, when I am up in your parts (well, assuming you are in the cities) I like to walk the lakes in uptown. Maybe stay away for a few days and let yourself process some stuff. Sometimes a time-out is warranted so we can refresh and evaluate. I hope you are feeling okay and don't feel to need to latch on to old behaviors that don't serve you well. Keep us posted, but first things first take care of yourself.

Eric

Sans -

I so appreciate what you stated - it helped -

Eric -

Your right I need a time out - I need to have more balance

My T is helping through this next phase of memories. I am coming to terms/accepting the events of my life as a teen which includes the sexual stuff along with my parents divorce. It was a very lonely time - I was gone mentally.

Finances were tough then like now.

I am learning to accept what happened and love me for me. I am fearful of judgement even my own judgement. SELF FORGIVENESS Of my own behaviors is where I am at. Urghhh...this is tough but I am getting through.

BALANCE right.

DJ

::HUGS DJ:: its ok man