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#3019 - 06/13/05 11:56 AM hate cold water + telephones
delta.tetra Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 108
Loc: Netherlands
I like to wash in hot water and I hate phonecalls.

One morning there was no hot water in my bathroom. There is a gas fired water heater in my kitchen: the pilot light was out. I tried to re-light it but I was unsuccessful. I remembered that the last time the water heater was serviced (just a few months ago) the engineer had spent most of his time trying to relight the pilot light. I had to face the scary fact, I would have to make contact with the outside world and ask for help from strangers. The machine is rented, maintenance service included, it won't cost extra to have it fixed. But I would have to call. I sat around rather more depressed and crying occaisionally and fruitlessly trying to get the thing to burn - for a week.

But this morning I found enough strength to make the calls. I had to speak to two people. One gave me a telephone number, the other gave me an appointment. Tomorrow afternoon a gas engineer should visit my home! Soon perhaps I can have hot water again!

I'm proud of myself. I made those calls KNOWING that I was going to find it difficult, but also KNOWING that it probably wouldn't be as difficult as I might feel. I KNEW I could probably cope with the tasks, even though I might not feel like it.

On the phone today I didn't have an argument, I didn't make myself stupid. When I got a real doubt in my mind about what had just been said to me, I asked about it instead of assuming I AM WRONG. My uncertainty was taken away, because I when asked a straight question I got a straight answer! Nobody hurt me today because I asked a question or asked for help!

I have a fear of conflicts and all my life I do anything possible to avoid one. That makes a telephone call an emotional minefield for me for three decades. PAnIC ATtACkS, angry outbursts, and deep confusions about what is going on who I am etc etc.

I now KNOW I was severely abused by my parent for my entire childhood which I feel has effectively destroyed any chance for me to experience a healthy human life. The rest of my life, just like my life up until today, will be dominated by what was done to me in the abominable cesspool my family home. At least the future won't include 40 years of ignorance. I will never forget.

But today I had one more small triumph over one tiny normal daily life fear. One tiny fear = one week of cold water. If you read it - thanks.

delta


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#3020 - 06/13/05 02:10 PM Re: hate cold water + telephones
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida


_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#3021 - 06/13/05 02:46 PM Re: hate cold water + telephones
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
DT.

You did it man congrats. Theses little victories keep piling one on top of the other believe me.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#3022 - 06/14/05 03:49 AM Re: hate cold water + telephones
Grobut Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/05
Posts: 56
Loc: Denmark
Good work d9t, i hate phones aswell, i jump every time it rings, and i pace about like a tiger in a cage for like 15 minutes before i can decide to pick it up and dial.

Every victory is precious.

_________________________
"Bring back the Superman in me, Clark Kent is such a nerveous wreck" - Kashmir

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#3023 - 06/15/05 01:13 AM Re: hate cold water + telephones
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida


_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#3024 - 06/15/05 02:02 PM Re: hate cold water + telephones
delta.tetra Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 108
Loc: Netherlands
Thanks for your support guys. I do have hot water, and I didn't get scared with the strange man in the house and he fixed it quick.

I don't ever have a bath, I stopped using baths when I left home because i was abused in the bath by my dad for years and years. Good thing someone invented shower cubicles!


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#3025 - 06/15/05 04:53 PM Re: hate cold water + telephones
self_righting Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 69
Loc: Tampa, FL
Thanks for sharing your victory. It is funny how some of the little things that other people take for granted can be such a battle for survivors. I hate the phone too...I hate when it intrudes on my life. I've taken to not answering the thing. Telephones should be encased in red boxes with break away glass and used only in emergencies. Another funny thing - this week I had a telephone interview with a panel of eight people for a job in NY.

Back to your post - I appreciated how you detailed your inner struggle and how you realized that you could do it even though it made you very uncomfortable. I applaud your strength.


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