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#302158 - 09/08/09 01:21 PM so lost
boylikeme Offline


Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 546
Loc: hell

okay so i just spent the last hour jumping from forum to forum.. thinking bout where to post this.. then deciding not to post it at all n starting all over again..

i dunno where to start or when I'll really start regretting this.. if im gonna end up deleting it..

god.. i hope ppl wont hate me



so.. yesterday i didnt come home from school.. wanted to go to a concert n knew mum wasnt gonna let me so i didnt give her the chance to stop me..

went to jay brannan's concert.. best concert ever.. such a great guy.. great voice.. perfect show...

so uhm.. when ure kinda young n u go to a show that small on ur own it is a really good idea to talk to ppl.. cuz then everyones gonna think ure there with some adult n they wont bug u..
so i talked to some ppl.. askin innocent questions n all.. n then kinda ended up talkin to this one person all nite..

it was a great show.. really perfect.. i was happy.. n this guy was cute n nice n everything..

n i ended up going home with him

ive never done this before.. i mean stuff has happened but ive never ever gone home with someone other than my person before...

so i just dunno.. i mean ive kinda known i might be gay for a while now.. just didnt wanna label myself or limit my options yet..

but.. dunno.. im really ok with the gay thing..

im just not sure if this makes me not only gay but also a slut.. i kno it makes me a divvie..lol..

i kno it was a dangerous thing to do.. i kno hes older n yada yada yada



i dont regret it


im just afraid it makes me a bad person

_________________________
Everybody’s screaming - I try to make a sound but no one hears me (Untitled - Simple Plan)

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#302160 - 09/08/09 01:56 PM Re: so lost [Re: boylikeme]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Young people take risks. Its part of growing up, and learning about our environments, and life. Somestimes it works out ok, others, well you don't need me to explain the other possible outcomes. As a parent we often don't like this aspect of parenting, but thats tough on us. Its part of being a parent and realizing that our kids are growing up, and becoming sexual beings. As I have said to my sons, I don't give a hoot what you do, or with whom, so long as its consentual, similar age, and safe for both people.

I glad you are ok and safe. Have you told your family that you are ok and safe as well? I think they might be worried if they were expecting you to come home last night and you didn't.

Sorry, that's the parent coming out of me. Sure, they'll probably be pissed, but if my memory serves me correctly, I think in one of your earliest posts you wrote about not coming home to attend a concert. Myabe they expect this of you now and then. I don't know. I'm sure they will be interested to know that you are ok though. That's what I would want to hear from my sons in a similar situation. No details. Just tell me they are ok.

Just an old fart Dad.
Jim



Edited by Geeders (09/08/09 01:57 PM)
_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#302169 - 09/08/09 02:26 PM Re: so lost [Re: Geeders]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
blm,

When I was your age i also pretty much did as I wanted and took alot of dangerous risk. Nobody could have made me do otherwise. Just be careful with whom you take these risk with could become very dangerous.

You know what it makes you?
A young person. that is all.

Be careful,
Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#302185 - 09/08/09 04:29 PM Re: so lost [Re: michael banks]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
All of the above is good advice, my advice is to take it. I'd also encourage you to not beat yourself up over this. You're not a bad person, you are just as human as the next person. You most certainly are not a slut.

When I was growing up, I didn't have many options, and as a result I was not honest with myself. It took me many years to accept me for the man that I am, and finally just be honest with myself. My best advice to you would be to be honest with yourself as you begin to discover who you are, and don't let anyone try to make you be something or someone that you truly aren't.

Peace~Allen


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#302199 - 09/08/09 05:51 PM Re: so lost [Re: boylikeme]
kerberosesti Offline


Registered: 09/04/09
Posts: 20
Loc: MN
well;

I don't buy the bad person stuff.
Even the best of people do less than the best things sometimes.
And sometimes we don't know if we don't try it.
Yep, just because, we might get into risky behavior.
And lots of people don't understand at all.
And those who know the risks (usually because they have been there) start screaming because they want us to stay safe. But the only way to stay totally safe is to crawl into a cacoon and never come out. That ain't no life either.

So process through the event and think about what it means for you.

Kerberos


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#302203 - 09/08/09 05:54 PM Re: so lost [Re: Roofus]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, BLM.

I have gotten to know you some and appreciate you. I know your a good kid. Well to me your a kid lol.

I am with Jim here. And I will to admit the dad in me flared up my friend.

But I am your friend not your dad so my feedback is as a friend.

I never had "fun" as an adolescent so HAVE FUN. BE CAREFUL - I know before I was an adolescent I was not careful and ... well will not go on.

I have heard what your going through as being called "sowing your wild oats". It is perfectly acceptable.

I only see one thing that sends up a red flag to me a fellow survivor from the csa and that is AGE difference. But, this is for you to sort out for yourself.

Just be aware your mom maybe furious and you might have consequence to live by - we all have.

Grow and have fun my friend,

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#302230 - 09/08/09 09:21 PM Re: so lost [Re: boylikeme]
zb420 Offline


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
nah. u had fun rite? then dont worry bout it grin


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#302275 - 09/09/09 12:55 AM Re: so lost [Re: zb420]
boylikeme Offline


Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 546
Loc: hell
thanks guys.. only got nice replies.. wasnt expectin that, cool.

feel like my mum kinda gave up on me.. she was mad for like 20 minutes n now shes just pretty much ignoring me.


*shrugs*

_________________________
Everybody’s screaming - I try to make a sound but no one hears me (Untitled - Simple Plan)

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#302298 - 09/09/09 06:49 AM Re: so lost [Re: boylikeme]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
hey BLM,

The ONLY thing any of this says about you, is that it' says what you did the other night...nothing else. It sure as hell doesn't say you're gay or a slut. You can sure have feelings about what happened just like you would have about any other night. You had a good time, you had a bad time...whatever, nothing more. It may even be that that's more what you feel like doing now, but if there's one thing I've learned in the 24 years since I was a teenager is that I did a lot of things then that I thought I was into then which have nothing to do with what I'm into now. It says absolutely nothing about your orientation per se. Absolutely don't limit your options and close out the females...I almost did because what I was doing felt good...surprised myself by finding out I liked something else better.


OK, I'm gonna get way in line with DJ and underline about a thousand times about the dangers of hooking up with someone older than you and I don't mean that really in a "don't talk to strange men" kind of way. No matter how great that person may be, it will always be an unequal balance between someone in their teens and even someone in their 20s. That older person is always going to have more control, even if they don't use it. We automatically go into a different frame of mind with an older person, and after what you've been through man, that's just puts really potentially dangerous patterns in place I think. I just gotta really say to try and stay as close to your own age as possible.

One last thing I have to ask you to consider...you surely don't need to respond to me about this...you mentioned your mom's reaction probably because so many of the dads above talked about her. You sound almost disappointed in her reaction...maybe i interpret what you wrote incorrectly, if so I'm sorry, but it seems almost as if you were sorry she didn't make a bigger deal out of it. Please consider if there was any element of trying to get her attention involved in staying out later than she expected or anything. My point is that it's easy to get into a habit of always trying to push the envelope to get that attention whether it's from a parent or a spouse or partner of any kind...and many of us can tell you what a drag it is when you try to push the envelope beyond how far it can go.

Enough words and lessons from the older crowd, but I guess that kinda must be what you wanted since you posted this right?? I'll repeat though my main message about what it does and doesn't say about you.

It doesn't say you're gay.
It doesn't say you're a slut.
It does say you had a certain kind of adventure the other night and you had fun, so nothing at all to feel bad about...just something to reflect on as you make your decisions about what to do today.

I hope I haven't said too much.

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#302313 - 09/09/09 10:54 AM Re: so lost [Re: sono]
boylikeme Offline


Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 546
Loc: hell

I really dunno how i wanted her to react.. just weird that she doesnt seem to care at all.. like shes so busy with her new life.. n i dont fit in there

_________________________
Everybody’s screaming - I try to make a sound but no one hears me (Untitled - Simple Plan)

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#302315 - 09/09/09 11:42 AM Re: so lost [Re: boylikeme]
b869 Offline


Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
I had the same experience with my mom. she seems like she doesn't care but I actually knew that she was just trying to ignore me till I learned my lesson. Maybe she's doing the same to you..

_________________________

When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

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#302317 - 09/09/09 11:53 AM Re: so lost [Re: boylikeme]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
blm,

It maybe that she really cares about you. But you have made it plain to her that you will do what want you want, when you want. Regardless of how she feels about it. She is probably feeling pretty powerless in regards to being able to influence how you behave. Some of this is just normal growing up stuff but be careful that you don't totally push her away.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#302319 - 09/09/09 12:11 PM Re: so lost [Re: michael banks]
b869 Offline


Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
I agree w/ Mike

don't push her away. try and reconnect w/ her...

_________________________

When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

Top
#302409 - 09/10/09 10:10 AM Re: so lost [Re: b869]
boylikeme Offline


Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 546
Loc: hell

oh god.. hes called twice every day since monday n now hes comin to pick me up in 23 mins n im freakin out.. im really no good when it come to friendships or relationships or any other freakin ship..

i guess if this goes well i got a boyfriend..lol.. why the hell am i freakin out

_________________________
Everybody’s screaming - I try to make a sound but no one hears me (Untitled - Simple Plan)

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#302411 - 09/10/09 10:28 AM Re: so lost [Re: boylikeme]
b869 Offline


Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
That happens..

Just relax and have fun smile

Marvin

_________________________

When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

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