Gentlemen,

I'm not sure what conjures up more intense feelings...thinking about my own mother or reading the entire posts here in one sitting. No one needs my comments on anyone's mother stories, but I did want to express my thanks to those of you who have written. It's always so illuminating to read about the experiences of others and to se how we all speak of and react to those experiences. Maybe this is a thing where those with an issue are more likely to post, but the anecdotal prevalence of certain characteristics is striking to say the least. Sorry, if that last sentence sounds like I'm "Spock-ing"...to those of you who remember my first post.

thanks,

sono

Acceptance is the key as in some cases a mother and child can be far too alike, whilst there are some battles she won't fight, I dig my heels in and stand up for myself which I know I got from her, as it certainly didn't come from Dad.

Once you move out you just have to work your damndest not to depend on parents anymore, in my view - not that I'm there yet. That's how you really grow into an adult in my view...and I'm aiming for 40

Hi, Guys.

Wow. What a great post. My mom has been a thorn in my side and a gift.

I first need to say I am a parent and I have made mistakes too.

The mom I knew as a kid is different than the one I know now.

My mom as a kid was a passive/aggressive to say the least. She as adoring of me her only son and first born. I could do no wrong in her eyes. RIGHT mom. I was a kid and I was a pain in the *** at times. My mom is a hypochondriac.

I remember some great times and some very bad times with my mom. She nurtured me when no one else would. She would do silly stuff with me and my sister. She even made pudding with us in the bathtub (we were fully clothed).

But, the good times would change at the same time the csa happened. She could not control me as I became moody. She began to beat me with anything she could get her hands on - belt, hairbrush, wooden spoon, pet wirebrush, etc. She would take my sister and I for a drive at 80 mph so she could blow off steam.

My mom had 3 other husbands beside my dad after their divorce when I was 15.

My mom have made amends. For the first time in our lives she and I are both single. She has been helping me financially which is a huge change.

Peace,
DJ

can i add some of my stuff here?

actually, i don't have a mother. I dont know what happened to her after i was born. I was told horrible stuff when i was a kid, like she was a whore,she had been raped and didnt want me and crap like that. Now i know they could have lied or whatever.
I was raised by a woman like my first 2/3 years but she was evil. abuse left physical marks in me and i still flashback to that time.. so not really a motherly figure.

I think the most likely i know is my father's wife. I wasnt her son and she had a girl but she treated us the same. She was terrified just like us but she managed to be loving and caring. Of course she did nothing to stop the abuse that went right under her nose, anyway he wouldnt dare touch me when she was looking and she and her daughter were out of town everytime that more people was involved.
One night that got specially violent she left with her daughter forever. i've never talked about this and it's something i have inside. i could have died that night. she could hit him, distract him, get to the stairs, grab her daughter and open the door. for one second i thought everything was over, she would take us out of there. but she just took the girl and left me there. she didnt look at me.
stupid as i was i kinda loved her. i thought she had done that because i wasnt her son. mothers only protect their own children. maybe she was just too scared.

things got awfully worse after she left.

I haven't read the responses to this thread yet. My mother was good when we kids were small, she would buy me ice lollies when my brothers and sister went to school before i was old enough to be allowed to school, and even told me that i was her favourite. But about the same time it seems she was an alcoholic, and she has got worse and worse. At times, even when lets say i was 10yrs old she would proclaim that she has been a mother long enough and no longer accepts that responsibility- so would not cook us food, and also the responsibility of a housewife, meaning she would not clean up. Instead she would do nothing, and still does nothing, because she felt and feels she shouldn't have to do anything. She even seemed to have pleasure in punishing us kids. My father worked away for a while, and she would make sure that she gathered up enough stories, and even MADE UP STORIES about things we had done wrong so that when my father came home for a few days he could spend the time coming to our room at night to smack us. I used to pray to god to kill him all the time. My mother was a bitch. Her mental illness now is her fault for being such a lazy unproductive cow and is all her fault. If my father wasn't such a spineless coward my mother would get the help she needs. We have never had much money- so if there wasn't enough food i would be denied and told "the early bird gets the worm"- there was certainly a plucking order. I had a good technique of imagining eating food during lunch time in school (we would have packed lunch but i never had enough to stop my hunger- because of my fathers wage we should have had free school dinners but my father was too proud to accept charity, and i was too well trained to think that i deserved food or good treatment) if i was very hungry and the doctor threatened my parents with my oldest brother who was becoming dangeroulsy underweight with force feeding. It is hard for me to forgive my mother for her failures in all basic aspects of human existence, even harder than forgiving my father for the things he did.

My mother decided not to be a mother and so she is not my mother. She has decided to collapse her existence and so her existence is collapsing. We all have choices, she made hers.

My real family are those i choose for myself.

,,

Hi everyone,

The "mother question" sure brings up strong emotions for many of us and I have to say again, reading the your posts has been extraordinarily moving. If I may, Lewis this one seemed to bring out a different side of you that you usually show in posts...certainly understandable for sure. But to those of us like you and our teen survivors whose lives are still daily affected by these relationships, I'm so friggin' sorry.

To the one lady commentator here faithjoy, I'm sure we all can separate those ladies from the female populace at large and know that not all women are like those with whom we have big issues. I wasn't sure whether you were saying we had no natural affection for our families or our moms for us. Have no fear many of us know great women exist...I'm married to one and have another one as a mother-in-law and two others as sisters in law.

thanks,

sono

My mom is the youngest out of three girls. She always complains of the mistreatment the others gave her. My grandpa was a stern and somewhat cold man which explains some of it. Anyway, mom will let people run her over till she gets pissed and comes back with a vengeance. She lives with the motto of out of sight out of mind to some degree. She is a sweet person once you get past her bitterness for life. She constantly reminds me of how she wished she would have done something different with her life, i.e. not marrying my father. I'd hate to be her and live with him. She does a lot of complaining to me, even about my choice to live across country from her. I will never live that down. I'm not sure how this relates to mom and her role but my sister and I both have been raped. Sorry to be negative so far, most to do with mom is negative.

The positive side of her. What little I remember when I was younger was good times with her. She used to cuddle with me, make me chocolate milk, sometimes pancakes. I remember riding around before I had to go to school (before preschool)in mom's 72 Blazer. I enjoyed just riding around town and never wanted to grow up. Mom stayed home with me till I was old enough to go to school. As far as I can remember, life was good before I turned 5 years old, then hell broke loose.

My mother. She abused me so horribly for so many years.

She was so drunk my whole life and she remembers nothing; so as far as she can remember, she tried her best. End of story. My mother used me. Exploited me. Stole my soul.

At 65 she is still drinking. Still covering it all up so she never has to face it.

tgik

I forgot to add:

My mother beat me while the rape and torture was going on. She hated my dad and his family and was very passive/aggressive in getting her needs met.

She divorced my dad in an effort to get him to talk and love her which blew up in her face and she never let me NOT know it.

NOW this weekend she is having surgery on her broken elbow and I am all comsumed with concern for her.

DJ