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#301611 - 09/04/09 09:21 AM
you were there
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Registered: 08/13/09
Posts: 310
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you were there, when i was spit on, yelled at , and sucked into the abyss of verbal assult.
when i looked up from the floor i collapsed on, you were there..
you were there when i was told to be a man , told not to cry, told to be tough
when i looked up from the floor i collapsed on , you were there...
you were there for the broken bones, bruised skin, fractured skull
when i looked up from the floor i collapsed on, you were there..
you were there when you took him into your life, and gave him mine , destroyed my mind
when i looked up from the floor i collapsed on, you were there...
you were there when he promised me everything, in my room , under your nose
when i looked up from the floor i collapsed on you where there...
but you pretended to see nothing at all
ok yeah so i suck at poetry lol
_________________________
its not easy to hide all this damage inside,
and ill carry it with me until i'm not alive.
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#301620 - 09/04/09 10:46 AM
Re: you were there
[Re: Ornias]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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you were there for the broken bones, bruised skin, fractured skull
when i looked up from the floor i collapsed on, you were there..
you were there when you took him into your life, and gave him mine , destroyed my mind
when i looked up from the floor i collapsed on, you were there... Ornias, This poem speak from your heart, body and soul. WOW - OMG. It is awesome. I can feel your pain and disappointment. Peace, DJ
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential
Never make someone a priority if your only an option
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#301668 - 09/04/09 04:20 PM
Re: you were there
[Re: DJsport]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1067
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ornias,
you're quite wrong, that rocks! powerful and skillful use of repetition gives an added sense of what you very sadly experienced repeatedly.
I'm very sorry for the things you have experienced in your short life. I feel I have used the strength I gained by being stronger than the shit I grew up in to good advantage in my life. I wish you the same.
all the best,
sono
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#301678 - 09/04/09 05:25 PM
Re: you were there
[Re: sono]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2396
Loc: TEXAS
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Hi, ornias,
From my heart and soul, little Pete & big Pete, offer you our.
Compassion,
Understanding, &
Love, unconditionally.
Your poetry is straight from your heart.
It does not suck either.
"I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity.
Heal well my fraternal brothers, heal well.
Litle Pete & big Pete.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.
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#301975 - 09/06/09 08:22 PM
Re: you were there
[Re: Ornias]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
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when i looked up from the floor i collapsed on you where there...
And WE will be here to help you stand up, step up, to be strong, to be wise, and to be you.
Your brothers await to assist you. Just say when.
Jim
_________________________
My name is Jim WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men
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#304091 - 09/24/09 09:41 PM
Re: you were there
[Re: Ornias]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
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Ornias...i dont think this sucks, rather i like the fact that the view from the floor is so truthful so sobering. thanks for opening my own eyes...nomansanisland
_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau
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#304127 - 09/25/09 01:04 AM
Re: you were there
[Re: nomansanisland]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 157
Loc: Eastern US
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I agree with all the others. This is good poetry, Ornias.
_________________________
"Thou, O Lord, are the shield about me;
You're my helper,
You're the one who lifts up my head."
"Whom have I in heaven or earth but You?"
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#304240 - 09/25/09 09:32 PM
Re: you were there
[Re: Anarion Cti]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/18/03
Posts: 72
Loc: PA
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You don't suck at poetry it captures the essence of what was there. Not all poetry has to rhyme, but it does have to have a spirit to it which this has, this is very well written.
_________________________
"Ave atque Vale"
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