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#30150 - 12/22/02 08:00 PM just looking ?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Over Christmas many of us will be busy with our families and friends, going away for a day or two to visit and hopefully enjoy ourselves.

But what about those who will be alone, not only missing any friendly contact but feeling as though they have the worst hand ever dealt.
They are confused and frightened because of unwanted childhood experiences - they have been abused.

Quite possibly they will stumble across this site, I hope they do.

I hope they find comfort here when they realise they are not alone, I hope they stay to find the support we can give them.

So, if you read this and you think "does he mean me ?" Yes, I do mean you.

Don't go away lonely, stay and meet some good guys who understand.

If you've been abused, we're here to help.
Stick around.

Dave
;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#30151 - 12/22/02 08:29 PM Re: just looking ?
Thad Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 1752
Loc: Oakland, CA
Yes, Lloydy
I second your welcome to all who come here out of the pain of their trauma of sexual abuse.

We are a band of brothers held together not by our trauma but by our compassion for each other and our desire to heal and to share that healing.

We are Survivors not victims.

We are men and at the same time becoming men.

We have recognized that we are not alone and that we can not do this alone.

That is why we need you as much as you may need us. Welcome brother.

_________________________
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

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#30152 - 12/22/02 10:27 PM Re: just looking ?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
OK I'll third it!

I work with a lot of people who are shut-in their homes or in rest homes, usually trapped by the limitations of their bodies, very lonely & hurting.

We who have been sexually abused often feel trapped by limitations of our minds & spirits, shut-in with our pain & isolation.

This is a place for us to break free, share our stories & feelings, recover, be renewed, share support.

Welcome to all male survivors!

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#30153 - 12/23/02 06:39 PM Re: just looking ?
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
I know not being alone is good, but for so long i thought i was the only person in the world who felt like i do and i was actually happy that nobody seemed to feel as badly as i do.
But now i know there are alot of people "like me". And although i guess there is some comfort in that, it still makes me very sad.


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#30154 - 12/24/02 07:33 PM Re: just looking ?
Hassan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/24/02
Posts: 7
Loc: Kiev, Ukraine
Dave,

I really appreciate your posting. I am a stumbler – one who has just stumbled across this site and someone who stumbles from the blow of realizing that I have not been able to recover successfully on my own sexual abuse until this point.

I am thirty now and very proud of who I am. I'm an international aid worker who has recently come back to the States both to pursue an advanced degree and to find a wife. The problem is that I have difficulties establishing long lasting relationships, particularly romantic relationships. In addition, I have compulsive behaviors that undermine my wellbeing.

Being a strong person, I took advantage of the University health coverage and first world medical facilities available to me in an attempt to iron out my issues and move forward in establishing a meaningful personal life.

Although I have now been seeing a therapist for 3 months, and he has hinted at my past sexual abuse being the cause for many of my issues, it was not until last night that I came to accept that I have not been successful in vanquishing these old demons.

As the holidays approached, I was feeling very depressed and suicidal. Last night was a particularly low point, and to distract me from dangerous behavior, I decided to do free association writing. I had never done this before, but I was so down and filled with sadness, that I could not read the book (about the historical beginnings of finance) that I had set aside for holiday reading as a distraction. I wrote ten pages without stopping, and it became clear from what I had written that I was still upset about being abused for so long and unprotected by those I told.

Feeling somewhat better through this exercise, I searched the net for information on sexual abuse. Eventually I surfed to an article written by David Lisak, Ph.D. entitled “The psychological impact of sexual abuse: Content analysis of interviews with male survivors”. It was originally published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress.

A flood of strong, but mixed, emotions inundated me as read the text. Amazingly, I had never really sought out the symptoms of a male sexual survivor. I was shocked (and still am) at the almost complete self-recognition I found in the de>

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#30155 - 12/24/02 08:18 PM Re: just looking ?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Patrick
thank you for the kindness, I hope we see you here again.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#30156 - 12/24/02 08:50 PM Re: just looking ?
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Welcome, Patrick/Hassan. I hope you will find the support and information you need for your healing. I believe you will find it at this site. Being new here is sort of like tuning into a tv series or soap opera where you don't know the plot or the cast of characters but you will soon figure things out. There are a lot of resources for you. Being here is not therapy but it is therapeutic. What gets posted here can be very empowering and enlightening. There are archives that you can go into and find topics that are meaningful for you.

Good luck in your work and I hope we can help you in your journey.

Remember that even if you have a screwed up biological family, you can still find people who will unconditionally accept and care about you here. Happy holidays.

Ken Singer, MaleSurvivor board of directors


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#30157 - 12/24/02 09:18 PM Re: just looking ?
Hassan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/24/02
Posts: 7
Loc: Kiev, Ukraine
Ken,

Thank you for your welcome. I look forward to getting to know the site and the “cast”. I have hope that this site and its resources will be helpful in my recovery, although I have not yet gotten accustomed to the idea of needing recovery!

Peace,
Patrick


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#30158 - 12/24/02 11:54 PM Re: just looking ?
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Patrick!

It is good to have you here. Thanks for introducing yourself to us.

You mentioned the terrible tragedies you have witnessed. These are very horrible sufferings and make no sense at all. BUT your abuse is not less suffering. Such a betrayal and violation strikes at the core of our being and of how we see ourselves as men.

The road you have begun is not such a beautiful walk, but in the end it is worth it. I hope that your work with your T is truly valuable for you.

See you later.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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