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#30132 - 08/18/05 11:45 PM Hello again
Maynard Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/11/05
Posts: 49
I haven't been to this board in quite awhile. About two months ago I came to the realization that I was SA as a child, even though I have no memory of it happening. I was on this board every day for about a month. I was sober for about 4 months and then I started drinking again. I used to drink maybe a couple times a week before I quit, but since I started drinking again it has been almost everyday for the last month. I completely stopped thinking about being SA and couldn't figure out why I was drinking so much. It finally dawned on me the other day looking back at what I was dealing with before I started to drink and realized that I have not thought about being abused in the last month. So, I came to the realization that the reason I must be drinking so much is to keep myself from dealing with my abuse. It makes it even harder for me to really make it tangable since I have no memory of it ever happening, but I have always known that it did. So, I have decided to come back here, even though it causes me a lot of pain, because I know this is where I need to be. I know that the only way to heal myself is to talk about the root cause of all my negative feelings and actions. I almost have to just repeat it over and over again to myself that I was abused or my conciousness will use any means necassary to hide it from myself, like it has for the past 20 years. So I would just like to say hello again to everybody on this board. Thanks for listening.

_________________________
"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." Mahatma Gandhi

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#30133 - 08/19/05 12:41 AM Re: Hello again
willtobecomplete Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/04/04
Posts: 51
Loc: IL
Maynard, boy do I relate to where you are at, the memories I have has are so vauge, it is really easy to fall into denial, like you said we have to keep reminding ourselves of what we know we went through, so welcome back, we are on the right track. Let's stay here, because here is a good place for us.

_________________________
"Him....who is healing all your maladies. Who is reclaiming your life from the very pit" Ps 103:3-4

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#30134 - 08/21/05 12:38 AM Re: Hello again
Maynard Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/11/05
Posts: 49
Thanks for welcoming me back willtobecomplete. You are right about being here is on the right track and a good place for us. Since I have returned and brought my abuse back into my daily life I have fealt no more urge to drink, thank God, I just couldn't stop for the last month. I came here a couple days ago and haven't had the urge once, so I would definately say this is where I need to be.

_________________________
"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." Mahatma Gandhi

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#30135 - 08/22/05 10:13 AM Re: Hello again
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Maynard,

I've had binges of drinking in the past in attempts to avoid dealing with whatever is coming up in my mind at the time. It has had some success in temporarily numbing me. But whenever I come back from the booze (usually after a few days, but once or twice for as long as few weeks), I have the same thigns to face. I think to come here is a much safer and smarter choice. For both of us, and for anyone else out there.

Welcome back, and I wish you luck.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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