I have been upset especially right after my my former male partner and I split.

I had a bad reaction right after we moved apart. After 6 wks, I made a decision that almost permanent. I am not in that aweful place anymore but, I am having wonderful but, painful revelations about my reaction. It has been 18 months ago since that dreadful day 2-15-2008, when my world fell apart or so I thought it was falling apart.

My ex started dating a guy who has a 9 year old son and his still married or was at the time in mid-2007. I was devastated.

Anyway, I realize after 2 years of serious soul searching and recovery of the affects of my own csa - subconsciously L (my ex) left the hurt little boy in me (L knew about some of the csa) for another boy. This sounds irrational - totally irrational - from an adults standpoint but, it is true.

I am not suggesting any abuse on his part. I am realizing for me why it is was so devasting for him to leave me.

I know in reality why we needed to NOT be together. I know me being on my own has allowed me time to discover me. I needed to not be in a sexual relationship that was unhealthy.

I hope this makes sense. The little Donnie in me was terrified of being replaced. But, I know today DJ is holding and taking care of L-D.

I am off to the state fair today with a very good friend of mine who has two little nephews who are 5 and 10 who might be being abused. I get to be a kid who is growing up and passing on some love to my friend who needs support.

Rejoice with me ok, as I have found another piece of the puzzle that was missing.

DJ

p.s. no criticisms of my revelation ok.

I'm sorry DJ, I know splitting from an ex can be devestating..learning to cope is the key and not realixing its them that messed up and not you..its easier said than done but its a start..I hope u r well.

Michael