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#30076 - 11/03/03 12:10 PM What am I doing wrong
tofeno Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/12/01
Posts: 18
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Monday morning and I am staring at my computer thinking to my self how I got here. I have been looking for work of an on for months. I took a job for a couple of months but it was doind to much damage to my phisical and metal health. I had such a good weekend and then the money crisis happens as I get back into the weekday..I feel ashamed about my depedency and desperation. I have borrowd money form family and non...I feel now like I am going no were, i have skills, degree, but non of that seams to help. I feel guilty dupming this on this site, I went to the conference but have not been a supportive member of this forum. I guess I feel small, powerless, that all that I try to do gtes me by just barrley enough to not go over the edge. It feels enverending, like the waves will keep crashing over and over, and I will come to the end of the year and I will still be struggeling with this. Work has been a challenge most of the time but God I have never struggeled like this before. Thank you for listening, even getting this out of my body, I feel a bit better.

Paul

_________________________
The search for love continues even in the face of great odds.

bell hooks

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#30077 - 11/03/03 12:15 PM Re: What am I doing wrong
Joey G. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 28
Loc: FL
Hi Paul. Sometimes I feel crappy, too. I am kind of new here. But it helps me to read what others post. I know I am not alone.
Joey


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#30078 - 11/03/03 01:28 PM Re: What am I doing wrong
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Paul,

There is a way in which we do never get completely over the effects of CSA. But, we can get over enough of them to have a decent life and be fairly happy.

I think I am a good example of that. I have worked on depression for decades. And anxiety is always present. Sometimes the pain gets so great that we can't ignore it. But, then most of the time, we can work with ourselves with the help of a therapist or a knowing physician, and we get to feel better.

I am having a really bad time just now. I know why it is though. I went to see a movie about CSA of a boy and I know now that I can't go to movies like that. I also know that this will pass.

Paul, hanging on when all looks hopeless or useless, takes a lot of courage and determination. You are doing the right stuff. You are naming your grief and claiming it as you own and coming here to talk about it.

If you are not seeing a therapist just now, this might be a good time to do so. At the least, call a rape crisis center and talk to someone there.

Keep working Paul, it does get better, once we refuse to let it have so much power over how we feel.

Peace be with you friend.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#30079 - 11/03/03 07:21 PM Re: What am I doing wrong
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Paul
keep sharing the 'crap' I found that worked wonders for me.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#30080 - 11/03/03 09:47 PM Re: What am I doing wrong
martin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
Paul,

It does do us good to share our burdens, give a little to a friend.

Sorry you are having a hard time now, I'll sit here and keep you company. Your not alone.

Peace,

Aaron

_________________________
Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

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#30081 - 11/04/03 12:38 PM Re: What am I doing wrong
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
I know it has helped me to read what others post here and I have been here for only a couple of weeks. It seems to not so much lessen the burden as spread it over a wider surface.

I helps equally to read what the guys in the midst of crisis write as what those who feel in a position to offer advice and support write.

I have found that using this group has lessened my feelings of isolation, helped me to get ideas of how to begin or recharge recovery and provided an opportunity help others. Exercising our capacity for compassion is always a healing activity, I think.

Brett.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#30082 - 11/04/03 05:08 PM Re: What am I doing wrong
tofeno Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/12/01
Posts: 18
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Thank you to all the responded to my rants...the journey is not an easy one but the more self aware we become the better...but at times siting here I feel overwellmed, the inability to concerntrate is ever present. My mind in a constant state of motion, processing all the secrestc I have kept in my body for so long. I have used this discussion board much in the last months but I have noticed I feel less alone as a read other men's posting and hear a familur sentiment in the wirtings of others.

Peace be with you all

paul

_________________________
The search for love continues even in the face of great odds.

bell hooks

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#30083 - 11/06/03 01:21 AM Re: What am I doing wrong
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
If you can feel some better at all, then it is good thing. You do not have to be 'supportive' member here. As I said at someone else, this is not a place that you must earn your help here. We all support others by numbers, to know of others here. If you write something, there will probably be at least one other here who will be feeling similar, or been through something similar, and will feel better just having someone else who has 'been there'. As you are here more, you will probably become more comfortable with people here and your place here, and will feel you can share more, and it will help. I wish you good luck with your healing.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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