i am watching this movie prayers for bobby on liftime right now. i usually avoid this channel because it seems to support plots that demean women and men by characterizing them as victims and victimizers. i happened to be flipping thru the channels on my way from cnn to the hgtv channel which i love, and came upon it during the opening scenes. i had not heard of this movie, and tonight was its premiere performance.

i can't believe that i am watching my life right before on this tv screen. except for the social class portrayed here in the film, i too grew up in a family that condemned being gay. i never put two and two together, never multiplied the implications of being abused in this family system first by a brother who sexually initiated me, and then emotionally and psychologically and spiritually by an intolerant 'family', who by their refusal to accept my orientation, rejected my essence, aborting me as a living being.

i didn't know i could cry so deeply and so hard and so long as years of pain come pouring out as i relate to the suffering of this young man.

i encourage my gay brothers who have endured this kind of suffering to see this movie, but know it will trigger much stuff.

i wonder what it would have been like to have been born into a family that did not do to me what mine did. to have been born into a family that was not steeped in sexual shame.

i wonder what it would be like to have ever been loved for no reason at all, just because. no wonder i have spent so much of my life trying to prove my own worth.

earlier in the day after getting home from work and relaxing while having lunch, i was watching the hgtv program house hunters. i could not believe my eyes. the episode i was watching featured a lesbian couple with two small children, a son and a daughter.

i wonder what a glorious existence it would have been to have been raised in a climate where there were no warring factions; where you would never have to worry about what your parents thought if you were gay or straight, where i just was not an issue.

the sun could rise and set, and even though there were remote wars and dangers abroad and in other places, home was always a safe place, a place where no matter what, you just knew every little thang was gonna be alright.

not having that ever, explains a lot to me about why, and who i have become the person i am today.

i didn't go to my mcc church service this evening because it snowed. i missed the opportunity for the fellowship we share as we go out together after services. but i really feel that i was meant to see this movie, however i wish i right there with my friends. i know wishes are for fairy godmothers, but i know the most important people in my life right now is that community of people who never question my existence or my essence.

would that i could be right with them now.

but, if i were, i would not be able to experience this moment of healing tears. i feel comforted knowing that i am loved by god, but it sure would be nice to feel him in skin and see his loving face in the person of my friends right now.

ron

Isn't it great how such experiences, you know, like just seeing a movie, music video, a moment in someone else's life, that affirms your life and touches your heart. Cry those healing tears Ron, for they are earned and deserved.

Wow, "Prayer's for Bobby" was made into a movie? I read the book several years ago. I cried and cried reading the book. I was so moved by Bobby's story that I went to the place (CAUTION STORY SPOILER AHEAD)....I went to the place where Bobby committed suicide....the Everett Street Bridge over the 405 freeway in downtown Portland. What was surreal was that all the other overpasses had fence barriers to keep from falling (or jumping) from the bridge onto the freeway but the Everett street Bridge did not have any such barrier. As I recall the barriers were only just being installed on each bridge and Everett street hadn't been started yet. To me it communicated the vulnerability all the more. I cried my eyes out.

Mike

guys thanks so much for your responses. and mike your personal connection really struck a chord with me. i appreciate your taking the time to share your personal experience with this. it means a lot, really. i am still numbfounded by the experience of this film. it has even caused me to begin dreaming, something i am rarely ever aware that i do. but now, since, over the past year, i have been finding and affiliating with places that, unconditionally and unapologetically support my understanding of who i am, i am feeling ..... yes there's the right word, feeling so much more myself than ever before. how sad though that it has taken so long to get to this point.

thanks again guys,

ron

Yes Ron,
That is a powerful story and well done by Lifetime. I had a good cry for many reasons and the story needs to be heard and then shared. Along the way today, I read someones story a second time and between the two, I am more in touch with some important insights.

I applaud PFLAG and MCC for the healing work and loving support they provide. Because it matters that we matter.

Just an awesome but tragic story.
Thank you for sharing the link.

Dan

I saw this program with my roomates and held one hand between them and me and the wall while the tears streamed down.

This was a rough story. I really have a hard time being a christian after seeing stories like this (and also being in a therapeutic relationship with someone I discovered to be an antigay christian.) I guess I am not a christian, still figuring out what I am when I see stories like these.

i bought the movie last night from itunes for $4. also, i found it on youtube in 9 parts. here's the first two parts. if you want to watch the others you can watch it from youtube.

wow.. that grandma was mean.. reminds me of my nan..hehe

I watched this movie over the weekend on YouTube. Really enjoyed the film. Great film and I also go very emotional watching the film. I was crying especially during the end.

I had wondered if there was a topic on this and am glad I came across it.

I'm glad the director and producers brought this story to film.

I can relate to many of the feelings Bobby dealt with in his short life.