Newest Members
rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms, Anony_mous, Drew6991x
12367 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
bluesky (44), Brother B+ (48), emal7717 (53), estuardo (52), kwf777 (56), LeeAnne (30), mapleleafsn (52), otherside (61), ronnie (59), Scott1962 (52), thrive-n-survive (42), tom3065 (36)
Who's Online
4 registered (GT13568, tbkkfile, traveler, 1 invisible), 18 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12367 Members
74 Forums
63561 Topics
444086 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#300597 - 08/26/09 12:54 PM First T session coming up...any thoughts?
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey guys,

The subject line just about says it all...I'm having my first introductory session with a T next week. I do know that he is a specialist in the field so that puts me greatly at ease, but still...I'd be happy to hear what anyone has to say particularly as regards preparation both literal and emotional.

thanks,

sono,

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#300607 - 08/26/09 01:47 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: sono]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
sono,

Sounds good:

1.) Take a short list of the things that you are having trouble with. Give him a copy and keep a copy for yourself.

2.) Print out the 3 items you have given links to above. Your story. You will save your T and yourself time and get better results by taking in some printed material. Let them put it in a file but ask if it will be kept confidential first.

Allen

pufferfish whistle





Top
#300640 - 08/26/09 10:32 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: pufferfish]
sedanman Offline


Registered: 05/28/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Northeast
I have found that I can write the most horrible things down and have them affect me much less severely that when I read outloud that which I have written. It may be a time saver to bring you written story to therapy but it may be very theraputic for youto actually read your story to your therapist. I was asked to write a letter to "Little Paul" to try and comfort him and offer him protection from further harm. I wrote this letter with relative ease, I cried like a baby when I read it to a picture of myself as a child. It was very powerful to feel these things. Therapy can be painful but the empowerment you get from the pain is worth it.


Top
#300647 - 08/27/09 02:46 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: sedanman]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Get there early, because getting out of the car is sometimes tough. See if there is a back door so that you don't have to go in the front door. Perhaps see if you can arrange for your therapist or his receptionist to meet you in the parking lot. Once you get inside you should ask your therapist some questions about his therapy modality. Yes, a list of what is bothering you might help break the "ice" a little bit.

It took me 9 months of learning to trust my first therapist enough to open up a little at a time. It took another 6 months for me to develop some confidence in him. And then it came time for my first in-person support group, where it took me three different tries in three weeks to actually get out of my car and into the front door of the old downtown Cleveland YMCA.

Wish you luck and enough confidence to get out of your car and make it into the front door on the first try.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#300722 - 08/27/09 10:35 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: Trucker51]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
Sono,

I congratulate you on taking this step. This is brave, but it really does help. I don't have a whole lot of advice other than to tell you that if this guy is a specialist in abuse issues he has heard many difficult stories so you are not burdening him with yours.

Eric


Top
#300726 - 08/27/09 11:07 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: ericc]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
This is a great step forward in your recovery sono. I am excited for you.

During my first T appointment I gave him a copy of all my journals plus I read him my story. This helped set the stage for the LONG road ahead.

Also, I use a voice recorder to record all my T appointments. This has been invaluable to me because I dissociate so much during my appointments. At $2.60 a minute ($130/50 min.) I don't want to miss anything and I miss A LOT, sometimes 50% or more during my appointments.

Emotionally, anything you feel like you shouldn't discus is probably a good indication you should. Don't pressure yourself to share anything you're not ready to but ultimately, as you begin developing trust for your T, it does your recovery best by being as upfront and open as you can, as soon as you can.

I wish you well sono.

Mike

_________________________
My Story

Top
#300859 - 08/29/09 07:47 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: Barkabus]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
hey guys,

You're guys are the greatest! Thanks for the wonderful ideas and voices of experience. Sedanman, your idea of reading what I've written out loud is about the most frightening thought I've considered in some time. I'm not up to trying it even by myself yet, but I sense it could be a useful way to work up some emotion about it, or more simply put - cry. This is something I find myself doing all the time in varying degrees when reading the posts of others, but when thinking about myself, the walls are still kind of impenetrable if you know what I mean.

On the very positive side, I don't sense any apprehension about going or discussing everything. I did a dry run with some guys on chat a few days ago and had a big disclosing session with the male I am closest to, my brother-in-law last week. He was great as I knew he would be..but that doesn't mean it was fun.

I'll be reporting in afterwards, and plan on following all the advice you guys have given.

thanks again more than I can say,

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#300867 - 08/29/09 11:36 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: sono]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Hi Sono,

A couple of thoughts about your upcoming session. Amazing the depth of your preparation, should quite literally blow the person away. He will love it as most new clients would not come so prepared.

I took occasion to speak to my wife who has been a very successful marriage and family therapist for the last 20 or so years about what she would recommend a person do before seeing her.

Her response was to make sure you feel comfortable with the person and you feel like they can help you. Check out their website.

Don't say too much to soon as it might leave you feeling extremely vulnerable and anxious.

Goal of therapy is to learn how to trust yourself and get connected to you and not give your power away to someone else, even a professional. Get good at following your instincts and trust them.

If what they say to you "feels right", then it is a good sign.

Does it feel to you that they have very good boundaries? A good therapist will have excellent boundaries.

That is as much as I could get as she is packing for a holiday.

I hope you have a successful session.

Ron


Top
#300936 - 08/30/09 11:03 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: Barney]
ComicBookGuy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England
First session preparation? Not only would I say get there early but also clear your evening afterwards and go and do something you enjoy to relax and load up your Car CD/Walkman with your favourite OR most relaxing music.

At the end of my first session my head felt like I'd been inhaling menthol for over an hour, so I deliberately took the long way home by bus and train, rather than the direct Underground subway.

Also, the writing stuff down gets another vote here, I use a totally separate diary for therapy than the "I went here and did that" journal, the blank pages are the days I didn't want to deal but noting the breakthroughs have made a great record for me.

_________________________
- CBG

Top
#300979 - 08/30/09 06:17 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: ComicBookGuy]
claretblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 97
Loc: UK
You're a brave guy! I've been going nearly every week for over 2 yrs now, got an incredible amount out of it. I've taken the philosophy rightly or wrongly (after a few sessions of seeing how the therapist operated of course)that as I'm paying for therapy, and the therapist is usually spot on with his observations, whilst it might be uncomfortable saying something that needs to be said, its in my interests to say it. Fortunately, I knew quickly I could trust and warm to the guy..You'll have to guage that for yourself with trust issues etc. Be prepared as ComicBookGuy said to make sure you don't have a heavy evening afterward...All the best for your appointment..

_________________________
The more you're afraid of, the less you accomplish.

Taiwanese woman.

Top
#300989 - 08/30/09 09:04 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: claretblue]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
sono,

If I were to offer one bit of advise it would be to be absolutely honest with your T. Doesn't matter how embarrassing what you have to say may be, he's heard it all, and the only way he'll be able to truly guide you through your recovery is for you to tell him the way it truly is rather than what you'd like him to hear.

Yeah, it may take some time and no one is expecting you to spill it all at once, but at each step of the way honesty in what you tell him will be the only real way forward. And think about it, at the price those guys charge anything less that openness would end up being a colossal waste of good cash!

Give it some thought. I wish you well smile

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#301033 - 08/31/09 07:11 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: WalkingSouth]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
hi Barney, comicbookguy, claretblue and walkingsouth,

It's just beyond cool that you can put up a question like this and get so much support and words of advice and wisdom from people like all of you! Many thanks.

I have a very good feeling from the contact I've had with my T in setting up the session, so we're off to a good start. I guess because it's never been far from my mind for 25 years, I feel like I'm not really going to have an "opening up" problem. I'm ready, oh man am I ready to open up about this crap. I don't even know what I want or need beyond simply telling someone this stuff...I guess that's the advantage of age and a sense of "if not now, when?"

I have indeed cleared not only the evening, but the whole day for the event. It's a bit of a drive, about 90 minutes each way, to my therapist so I'll have some good alone prep and cool down time before and after.

You guys are the best! Thanks for the support! There is no way I'd be doing this if not for all of you and MS.

thanks,

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#301048 - 08/31/09 10:58 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: sono]
garr Offline


Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 44
The thing I was most nervous about a couple of weeks ago was that I had no idea how the first session was going to unfold. I didn't know what to expect at all. So, I went in after having been anxious for a week. He sat there and asked easy questions about me. What were some of the things I was experiencing... depression, anxiety, anger, guilt, etc. I told him right then and there that I was seeking therapy to deal with my CSA issues. He did not push to go into detail then, and after three sessions, we're not there still... which is good with me.

If it's a good therapist, he/she isn't going to rush you and will give you things that you can talk about comfortably. Just take some time to try and relax and get used to being there.

_________________________
"The day that you stop running is the day that you arrive" - Morcheeba (Enjoy the Ride)

Top
#301273 - 09/02/09 01:10 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: claretblue]
alan55 Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 202
Loc: Seattle, WA
My wife and I are in therapy together. Because I didn't/wouldn't couldn't tell anyone about what happened to me, it was unravelling our marriage of 30 years. Something needed to be done or I was going to lose everything.....we made the appointment. It is scary. There were things I would do or not do that my wife didn't understand about me. I didn't understand about me,either. We didn't fight verbally or physically, but there was such a great distance growing and growing. We just lived day to day, not really in love, too afraid to leave. The therapist has helped us to work on a number of areas. She has taken us to new levels of trust,and helped me to discuss the sexual abuse of my childhood. Since trust is huge with us, she had to develop that with me. Its been 2 months now and I will say while its frightening at times, its also necessary. I cry a lot on those days we go. My wife does,too. They're tears of healing. Tears I never shed over what was done to me. I am looking at those areas I refused to look at or didn't even know I needed to.Its a long, long road to recovery. Understand that you will feel a lot of things, you will not always understand why you feel as you do, but just allow them to come. Be angry. Grieve the childhood you didn't have. Grieve the loss of innocence. Grieve whatever loss you have had due to CSA. I have begun to feel better about myself lately. My wife and I are doing better, we have a lot of work to do, but we are doing what we need to do to get where we need to be.You can do this....adn you're going to be OK.


Top
#301279 - 09/02/09 01:51 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: alan55]
claretblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 97
Loc: UK
You're post has moved me to tears alan55. I've started shedding tears like never before, and yes it helps with the slow healing process. alan55, my very best wishes for you and your wife.

Sono, when you feel up to it--take your time man--let us know if you're able, your general impressions of the first appointment. Sadly there's no quick fix, but there's no doubt at all that when the 'penny falls into place' on certain themes, its worth every dime, penny or centimo...for me its centimo!

ClaretBlue


Top
#301301 - 09/02/09 09:01 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: claretblue]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Sono,

Haven’t read the other replies. Wanted to give you my first thoughts unfiltered by others responses.

Try and plan to do something nice or calming for yourself afterwards. It may be time alone before reengaging with those in your life or perhaps something else that may take your mind of the session.

Also, be kind to yourself regarding how much you may have said or not said. The session will be what it is.


Top
#301341 - 09/02/09 01:39 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: Grunty1967b]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 859
Loc: washington
Sono,

About that list...

...I believe I started my first sessions with a list and then felt I had a clear direction later...(ergo no list)...and I ended up finding myself all over the place.

Having the same enthusiasm, I am sure I ended up looking like a chameleon (who wanted to talk about every topic at once) or a spider going solo (trying to tie it all together and make sense of it all at ...in a single session).

I went in thinking, I was honest,open and willing...but really, I ended up having to challenge all of my old thought processes.


Fight the Good Fight (Triumph)

island

p.s. My memory is a pencil and piece of paper. Thankfully, I remembered this, as I wrote down all of my homework.

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

Top
#301342 - 09/02/09 01:44 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: 1islandboy]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 194
Originally Posted By: 1islandboy
Sono,

(ergo no list)...and I ended up finding myself all over the place.

Having the same enthusiasm, I am sure I ended up looking like a chameleon (who wanted to talk about every topic at once) or a spider going solo (trying to tie it all together and make sense of it all at ...in a single session).



Yup that was me at my first session yesterday too!

_________________________
My Story

Top
#301343 - 09/02/09 01:48 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: just me]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hahaha! sounds like you're both off to a 'good' start. i think this is exactly the way the process begins. all your 'inner people' come out at once because they've all been waiting for so long to be heard. it's like a roomful of kids vying to be first in line. what a whacky scene! you guys will do fine......that's a promise!

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#301382 - 09/02/09 08:38 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: Sans Logos]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey guys,

I can't thank all of you enough for being here with me through this. It was a great experience. He has a great manner with which I was immediately comfortable. He just let me take the lead to start, so I did...I really wanted to finish the story while I was on a roll, so I'm going to have another session tomorrow. I have some scheduling issues, which makes me want to get some traction and my T was available. I need to focus on all this right now, so I hope everyone is cool that I will need a bit of time to properly respond to all the thoughtful words everyone wrote here.

thanks!,

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#301421 - 09/03/09 06:04 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: sono]
claretblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 97
Loc: UK
Hi Sono,

No worries! Glad you feel at ease with your T; I still find that there are 2 or 3 'one-liners' that my T will come out with every session that will blow my mind away! I make sure as quickly as possible afterwards that I write those sentences down, because in months to come if you need to reference what was said, its written down...Plus, in the months to come, you'll find different unconnecting pieces of the jigsaw--conclusions on what you thought about things that were said in much earlier sessions--suddenly connecting! One thing he brought to my attention only the second time I saw him 2+ yrs ago still reverberates today...

Just make sure, if humanly possible, you try and get some rest after the sessions, as it usually is mind-blowing!

ClaretBlue


Top
#301427 - 09/03/09 07:54 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: claretblue]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 194
Good luck today!

_________________________
My Story

Top
#301666 - 09/04/09 05:13 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: just me]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey guys,

Thanks again so much for all the great words of support. I really felt like I had a whole crew of people rooting for me to have a good experience. It absolutely was a very good experience. I have talked here on line with so many of you and of course the soul baring experience that writing your story is, which I did twice...ouch!, anyway... that all helped very much to just let me go where I wanted in that first session which was on Tuesday.

It was immediately clear that he would take his cue from me, so I just said, OK well here's what happened to me...and went with it. He mostly listened but very pointedly asked shortly after I began if was completely clear that we were talking about child abuse and not an adult relationship, which while it's an idea I'm working on, it still feels like an easy excuse to be honest, but anyway...I went on and then backtracked to family, and had just gotten into that freak show, when time was up, so we determined that we could get together again on Thursday. On Thursday I mostly wrapped up the family and we'll see now where we go from here with all of that out there. It was amazing to get it off my chest, I can literally breathe more easily.

I'm totally clueless about where the next step goes, but how swell to be on the trip.

thanks again guys,

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#301670 - 09/04/09 05:40 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: sono]
claretblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 97
Loc: UK
Sounds like it was a very good start Sono.

As you've probably gathered from reading everyone's posts it's a long winding road ahead but vital to travel on-with the therapist pointing things out and saying 'Have you looked at that from this angle?' and of course we haven't..

Good sign that you were able to get loads of stuff off your chest too. As the days unfold before your next session, you may well have one or two thoughts about areas you'd like to discuss next time--I write them down, then I dont forget mega stuff I need to mention.

Glad it went well

ClaretBlue


Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.