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#300989 - 08/30/09 09:04 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: claretblue]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
sono,

If I were to offer one bit of advise it would be to be absolutely honest with your T. Doesn't matter how embarrassing what you have to say may be, he's heard it all, and the only way he'll be able to truly guide you through your recovery is for you to tell him the way it truly is rather than what you'd like him to hear.

Yeah, it may take some time and no one is expecting you to spill it all at once, but at each step of the way honesty in what you tell him will be the only real way forward. And think about it, at the price those guys charge anything less that openness would end up being a colossal waste of good cash!

Give it some thought. I wish you well smile

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#301033 - 08/31/09 07:11 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: WalkingSouth]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
hi Barney, comicbookguy, claretblue and walkingsouth,

It's just beyond cool that you can put up a question like this and get so much support and words of advice and wisdom from people like all of you! Many thanks.

I have a very good feeling from the contact I've had with my T in setting up the session, so we're off to a good start. I guess because it's never been far from my mind for 25 years, I feel like I'm not really going to have an "opening up" problem. I'm ready, oh man am I ready to open up about this crap. I don't even know what I want or need beyond simply telling someone this stuff...I guess that's the advantage of age and a sense of "if not now, when?"

I have indeed cleared not only the evening, but the whole day for the event. It's a bit of a drive, about 90 minutes each way, to my therapist so I'll have some good alone prep and cool down time before and after.

You guys are the best! Thanks for the support! There is no way I'd be doing this if not for all of you and MS.

thanks,

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#301048 - 08/31/09 10:58 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: sono]
garr Offline


Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 44
The thing I was most nervous about a couple of weeks ago was that I had no idea how the first session was going to unfold. I didn't know what to expect at all. So, I went in after having been anxious for a week. He sat there and asked easy questions about me. What were some of the things I was experiencing... depression, anxiety, anger, guilt, etc. I told him right then and there that I was seeking therapy to deal with my CSA issues. He did not push to go into detail then, and after three sessions, we're not there still... which is good with me.

If it's a good therapist, he/she isn't going to rush you and will give you things that you can talk about comfortably. Just take some time to try and relax and get used to being there.

_________________________
"The day that you stop running is the day that you arrive" - Morcheeba (Enjoy the Ride)

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#301273 - 09/02/09 01:10 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: claretblue]
alan55 Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 202
Loc: Seattle, WA
My wife and I are in therapy together. Because I didn't/wouldn't couldn't tell anyone about what happened to me, it was unravelling our marriage of 30 years. Something needed to be done or I was going to lose everything.....we made the appointment. It is scary. There were things I would do or not do that my wife didn't understand about me. I didn't understand about me,either. We didn't fight verbally or physically, but there was such a great distance growing and growing. We just lived day to day, not really in love, too afraid to leave. The therapist has helped us to work on a number of areas. She has taken us to new levels of trust,and helped me to discuss the sexual abuse of my childhood. Since trust is huge with us, she had to develop that with me. Its been 2 months now and I will say while its frightening at times, its also necessary. I cry a lot on those days we go. My wife does,too. They're tears of healing. Tears I never shed over what was done to me. I am looking at those areas I refused to look at or didn't even know I needed to.Its a long, long road to recovery. Understand that you will feel a lot of things, you will not always understand why you feel as you do, but just allow them to come. Be angry. Grieve the childhood you didn't have. Grieve the loss of innocence. Grieve whatever loss you have had due to CSA. I have begun to feel better about myself lately. My wife and I are doing better, we have a lot of work to do, but we are doing what we need to do to get where we need to be.You can do this....adn you're going to be OK.


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#301279 - 09/02/09 01:51 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: alan55]
claretblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 97
Loc: UK
You're post has moved me to tears alan55. I've started shedding tears like never before, and yes it helps with the slow healing process. alan55, my very best wishes for you and your wife.

Sono, when you feel up to it--take your time man--let us know if you're able, your general impressions of the first appointment. Sadly there's no quick fix, but there's no doubt at all that when the 'penny falls into place' on certain themes, its worth every dime, penny or centimo...for me its centimo!

ClaretBlue


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#301301 - 09/02/09 09:01 AM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: claretblue]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Sono,

Haven’t read the other replies. Wanted to give you my first thoughts unfiltered by others responses.

Try and plan to do something nice or calming for yourself afterwards. It may be time alone before reengaging with those in your life or perhaps something else that may take your mind of the session.

Also, be kind to yourself regarding how much you may have said or not said. The session will be what it is.


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#301341 - 09/02/09 01:39 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: Grunty1967b]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 859
Loc: washington
Sono,

About that list...

...I believe I started my first sessions with a list and then felt I had a clear direction later...(ergo no list)...and I ended up finding myself all over the place.

Having the same enthusiasm, I am sure I ended up looking like a chameleon (who wanted to talk about every topic at once) or a spider going solo (trying to tie it all together and make sense of it all at ...in a single session).

I went in thinking, I was honest,open and willing...but really, I ended up having to challenge all of my old thought processes.


Fight the Good Fight (Triumph)

island

p.s. My memory is a pencil and piece of paper. Thankfully, I remembered this, as I wrote down all of my homework.

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#301342 - 09/02/09 01:44 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: 1islandboy]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 194
Originally Posted By: 1islandboy
Sono,

(ergo no list)...and I ended up finding myself all over the place.

Having the same enthusiasm, I am sure I ended up looking like a chameleon (who wanted to talk about every topic at once) or a spider going solo (trying to tie it all together and make sense of it all at ...in a single session).



Yup that was me at my first session yesterday too!

_________________________
My Story

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#301343 - 09/02/09 01:48 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: just me]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hahaha! sounds like you're both off to a 'good' start. i think this is exactly the way the process begins. all your 'inner people' come out at once because they've all been waiting for so long to be heard. it's like a roomful of kids vying to be first in line. what a whacky scene! you guys will do fine......that's a promise!

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#301382 - 09/02/09 08:38 PM Re: First T session coming up...any thoughts? [Re: Sans Logos]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey guys,

I can't thank all of you enough for being here with me through this. It was a great experience. He has a great manner with which I was immediately comfortable. He just let me take the lead to start, so I did...I really wanted to finish the story while I was on a roll, so I'm going to have another session tomorrow. I have some scheduling issues, which makes me want to get some traction and my T was available. I need to focus on all this right now, so I hope everyone is cool that I will need a bit of time to properly respond to all the thoughtful words everyone wrote here.

thanks!,

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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