Yeha just wanted to talk about some issues I'm dealing with and some questions I have. Express myself :P

Right now I'm caught in a series of compulsions, junk food, sex, and alcohol. Right now I'm feeling less and less control. It's just I'm trying to think of a handle all this as smoothly as possible. I know I can't stop tomorrow and I'm going to need help but I'm just thinking maybe its best to not feel so bad about it and put myself down about it. I mean its normal considering what I've been through. I definitely don't like these behaviours and want them to stop but I think for now I'm just not going to judge myself for them and try not to worry about them, even though I'm like conditioned to feel awful about them and to worry and stress about it but its just not going to help. I think I'm just going to accept them for now. I'm not sure what else to do...

Another topic is image and presentation. I really want to maintain this image of a kind, polite, moral person. But these behavious are clashing with that. I see myself as I am and find it just doesn't fit with the person I think I should be. Sometimes I put myself down for it but I'm thinking of accepting myself, the vulnerable person that I am as opposed to putting myself down for not being the ideal person I want to be and to just try to believe in myself regardless of my flaws.

Also I've been working on these issues for a while. But at times I get fatigued and tired of doing this work. I guess these times are a time for relaxing and just living life? Take note of how far I've come. Relax and Recharge give myself permission not to worry about anything. But I'm just wondering how to go about it, because the compulsions add stress and right now I just wanna be stress fee...hmm double bind :P guess its also work to choose healthier activites...I just feel if I relax than I'll let the compulsions run even wilder o,O

But yea is anybody going throu anything similar or have been through something like this?

It is never good enough to just stop a negative behaviour because the energy that went into creating the negative behaviour is still within you. Have you raged in a safe way that does not harm anyone recently. It reallly sounds like somewhere within you is a part of you that needs to rage against either what has brought you to this website or against something else going on in your life. If you have, were you able to weep during or after? Weeping is a critical part of raging.

We should love ourselves for who we are, but that does not mean we should just accept any negative behaviours we have. It's good to try to see our situation from outside ourselves. So assuming all your negative behaviours were a part of someone you are close to, how would you handle it? For myself, I picture my nephew having my negative behaviours and how I would handle it. I would hug him, tell him he is still the best ever, but we need to go get him some help. And then I turn around and do that for myself. Reassure myself I am still worthwhile and precious, but admit to myself that I need to seek help for my negative behaviours from as many sources as I can find, including this website.

Take what is beneficial and leave the rest.

Hoping for your well being...

xJustex,

If you don't mind me putting it like this, it seems that your ideal self (polite, moral,etc.) is in conflict with your actual self, and that this is what is causing you stress at the moment. Perhaps a way to help resolve this conflict is for you to be more accepting of how you actually are at present. In other words, you've already said that you don't fit into your ideal-self mold and that because of this maybe you're compelled to engage in behaviors that are in conflict with that mold. My thinking is that if you can truly come to accept yourself for not being that perfect moral ideal which no one can actually be, perhaps your compulsive behaviors will not be as compulsive anymore and you'll be able to relax like you want to relax.

Rocco