If you don't mind me putting it like this, it seems that your ideal self (polite, moral,etc.) is in conflict with your actual self, and that this is what is causing you stress at the moment. Perhaps a way to help resolve this conflict is for you to be more accepting of how you actually are at present. In other words, you've already said that you don't fit into your ideal-self mold and that because of this maybe you're compelled to engage in behaviors that are in conflict with that mold. My thinking is that if you can truly come to accept yourself for not being that perfect moral ideal which no one can actually be, perhaps your compulsive behaviors will not be as compulsive anymore and you'll be able to relax like you want to relax.
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.
WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009
My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.