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#299992 - 08/20/09 10:53 AM .
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 09:13 PM)

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#300110 - 08/21/09 01:10 PM . [Re: bardo213]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 09:14 PM)

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#300114 - 08/21/09 01:43 PM Re: Addressing oneself [Re: bardo213]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Lynchmob.

I read your post yesterday and have been pondering what to say.

After reading your additional post, I wanted to say hang in there.

I have wanted to go back but, I cant. I dont think it is possible.

I know it is tough to understand sexuality as it is a huge issue for all.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#306998 - 10/18/09 09:43 PM . [Re: DJsport]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 09:34 PM)

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#307018 - 10/18/09 11:09 PM Re: Addressing oneself [Re: bardo213]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Hi lynchmob-
i don't have an answer for you; all i can do is remark that it seems there is something about this issue that presses a lot of buttons for you, both by how often you've posted about it, and the level of intensity in those posts. I hope that at least getting things off your chest helps, and even if this reply is no help, i hope you reach a point in the future where you don't find yourself as stressed/anxious/preoccupied over sexual identity issues as you seem to be now, whether it's yourself or others. I'm not criticizing you, i'm not judging you, and i certainly don't think i'm better than you- just being honest on what i've picked up on.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#307037 - 10/19/09 01:10 AM Re: Addressing oneself [Re: dgoods]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
......



Edited by LilacLouie (10/19/09 02:09 AM)

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#307039 - 10/19/09 01:11 AM Re: Addressing oneself [Re: dgoods]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 303
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
sounds to me like you're stressing out about not being 100% certain what your orientation is. The best you can do is just accept the uncertainty and not care that you don't know 100%, because the harder you try to convince yourself, the more questions you always end up having, especially when trying to PROVE something. I can tell you're under a lot of stress, because it seems like you're rambling on a lot in your posts. You're jumping from the stress of your physical problems to the stress of the people surrounding you to you being uncertain of your sexuality.

It seems like you're ruminating on this question of "what if/how do I know/am I...(bisexual/straight/gay)". As long as you continue to ruminate you're just going to get more confused, especially if you get worked up about it like this. If you say to yourself "I'm def. 100 percent straight" then it seems you're saying to yourself "well how can I make sure? I can't be 100% absolutely positive, so maybe I also like men and am therefore bisexual. But if I'm bi that means that I like men AND women. Well maybe I just don't like women at all and I'm gay. But I don't think I'm gay. But how do I know for sure?" etc. etc. If you stay on that, you will think it to death and keep going in circles, and in the meantime will be so preoccupied and anxious that if the sexiest being in the world, man or woman (or both?) showed up right in front of you begging for sex you'd be too anxious to go through with it. And even if you did, I bet you'd still question yourself afterward about how you felt, which would lead you back into the same circular thought cycle. It's ok not to know. If you want an anecdote, sexuality came under discussion in a sociology class I was in. The prof asked who in the class could say they were 100% dyed in the wool heterosexual beyond a doubt, and that they knew absolutely. Not a SINGLE person raised their hand.


Also, when you talk about going places where people don't even know who you are, but they're still talking about you, that sounds to me like paranoia. If you're worrying or stressed out about how people perceive you, then you will convince yourself in your head that people are talking shit about you. I was like that for years when I was a kid. Somehow I just stopped giving a shit one day though, and it was a lot easier to live life, and I also found out that nobody was really saying anything much about me.

I think what you need to do is figure out by any means possible how to get out of the place you're currently in and get yourself in a different job or out in a different area. I think it might help to be somewhere that people don't know you and you can relax, cause I'd bet that all your health problems along with all this mental stress is all from you being unhappy in your environment.


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#307044 - 10/19/09 02:56 AM Re: Addressing oneself [Re: AndyS87]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
I had to delete my previous post.

Lynch, who cares? Seriously, what makes it anyones business about your personal life? Man, I fight that a lot as well. And fighting it has gotten me in trouble. Now, I just ignore it.

You know why people stick their noses in other people's business? Because THEY DON'T HAVE A LIFE OF THEIR OWN! Simple!

They are jealous of you, for whatever reason, and they say crap because of that jealousy.

I know man, it's SOOOO annoying. But hey, it does NOTHING to you, unless you let it! And they feed off of that.

So instead, feed off of them. Feed off of their inner turmoil. Don't react to their rumors, and if it is a serious rumor, take legal action. Sometimes they can say some really bad stuff, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Me, I was fired from a store after a teenage girl that was working there asked a very inappropriate question about my personal life. I didn't answer her and the store owner fired me, a then-active firefighter, for being a "suspected registered sex offender". Suspected. Ooooook. Fine. Registered sex offender? AND a firefighter? That doesn't happen. I err'd in letting it get to me. And that leetle gurl I have zero respect for and a very vulgar name for, got a kick out of it. And I had no legal recourse.

I could have avoided so much trouble if I just laughed it off and ignored it. Would have been better if I could have tape recorded it, but I didn't.

I dunno. I hope that helps.


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#307080 - 10/19/09 07:31 AM Re: Addressing oneself [Re: LilacLouie]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
carl you gave me laugh so early on a monday morning:

Quote:
Registered sex offender? AND a firefighter?


let's see, you're a firefighter, so you have a 'hose'..... AND you like to use it to put out fires...... yea, i can see the connection to that and being a suspected registered sex offender...... guess what else i see???? i see dead people....... some time you just can't help but roll your eyes eek

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#307264 - 10/20/09 05:21 AM Re: Addressing oneself [Re: Sans Logos]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
When you're on a department as a firefighter/EMT the department is supposed to do a complete background check. Dude, they do a more intense background check for those than if you apply to be a cop.

Well, not all departments do that, but ours did. They did a background every 6 months on everyone, and if the PD or sheriff had any knowledge of anything, they called the fire chief ASAP. As a firefighter you are trusted with saving lives. Cops, they take them. Us, we save them. That's why the background checks are so rigorous and often. Cops, so long as you can drive a car, cuff the innocent and shoot anything that moves, you're good to go.


Lynch, buddy you're in my prayers!


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