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#299821 - 08/18/09 08:26 PM sympathy for pedos /hate for victims?
zb420 Offline


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
...



Edited by zb420 (11/27/09 05:38 PM)
Edit Reason: i cant have this public now sorry

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#299829 - 08/18/09 09:45 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: zb420]
Bewlayb1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 241
Loc: NYC
In my opinion, they're a bunch of idiots. It's all about propaganda. Say any kind of bullshit in a way people find gratifying and they'll believe it. They all felt good about giving their pity to the pedophile, or future pedophile. It boosted their egos and made them feel as if they were being compassionate. When you attacked him, it looked like you were picking on a guy who never hurt anyone. (He's just TOYING with the idea of murdering a little boy's soul.)

In college, one of my friends confided in me that he had obsessive thoughts about a child in camp. He was working as a camp counselor. It was during the summer. I was unstable at the time, and hadn't even remembered my own abuse. I mailed him a letter stating that he needed to see a therapist, and that if he couldn't control his pedophile tendencies, he should KILL HIMSELF. As you can imagine, I seemed pretty crazy. In truth, I was both crazy and crazed when I wrote it. I could have gotten in trouble if he had presented it to a dean, or some other faculty member. I'm surprised that he didn't. He seemed to feed off pity. Maybe it's a common pedophile trait.

I still don't regret writing that letter. But situations such as these teach us that we have to control ourselves. Even though we may be right, our anger can blind us to the consequences. We're setting ourselves up to be vilified. As good as it might feel to speak the truth, as you can see, people aren't willing to be enlightened. So, my reply is of two sentiments. 1) Screw them. 2) Be careful about when you lash out.

But to be honest, I'm glad someone had the guts to give that sicko a reality check.


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#299832 - 08/18/09 10:31 PM . [Re: Bewlayb1]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
.



Edited by DJsport (12/21/09 10:47 PM)
_________________________
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Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#299924 - 08/19/09 07:02 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: DJsport]
zb420 Offline


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
,,



Edited by zb420 (11/27/09 05:38 PM)

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#299940 - 08/19/09 11:20 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: zb420]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

Hey there brother zb420;

Glad to see you stood up for victims. You have ran across a common point of denial in our world... CSA/Incest is something that a lot of people would like to simply pretend doesn't exist... Kinda like avoiding eye contact with a street person, if I don't make eye contact the problem doesn't exist, even if I have family or friends who are on the street of verging on it. I can now empathize with this denial. you will hear the numbers 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 3 girls are survivors of unwanted sexual assaults... Dollars to donuts you struck pain points in some of your peers on that board. As for the person who disclosed his thoughts... I cannot know his heart, I know that I was terrified for decades due to a myth that because I was sexually abused I would also abuse (Vampire Sundrome Bullshit!!!), they could be a survivor terrified, confused and depressed. The abused are not doomed to abuse; however, abusers were very often abused themselves.

Some thoughts to ponder.

From my recovering soul with love, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#299948 - 08/20/09 01:05 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: wes-b]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
.





Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 03:30 AM)
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#299957 - 08/20/09 02:11 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: myboyhoodfears]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
hmmm.....

I'm wondering, Dan, why you have chosen the course of not reporting him? Does that not put you in danger of being ambivalent yourself? If I were the proud owner of such information I would not be keeping it to myself, but that's me I guess.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#299962 - 08/20/09 02:53 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: WalkingSouth]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
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Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 03:28 AM)
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#299983 - 08/20/09 08:58 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: myboyhoodfears]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
That's the suckish part of our justice system, though there's a reason for it. Accusing someone without proof of a crime can be very damaging and would run rampant unless held in check somehow, yet that very same aspect is a shield for perpetrators. Many of them know how to work the system, too.

Still, there's a chance you could just provide an anonymous tip to law enforcement that they should watch him.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

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#299984 - 08/20/09 09:06 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: zb420]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
What you experienced is part of the backlash effect. I just read about it last night in the book, Victims No Longer by Mike Lew. There's a prevailing attitude that everyone should have warm and fuzzy feelings about everyone else, no matter what the circumstances and regardless of the repercussions it has on those who disagree.

The strange thing is you experienced backlash within a support group, the people one would expect to be the most understanding. I think we've all experienced backlash to some degree, and instead of focusing on the negativity, I would just chalk it up to ignorance and move on. If that's the attitude they're going to have, you wouldn't heal within that group as well as you could somewhere else. One door closes, another opens.

Peace.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

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#299991 - 08/20/09 10:52 AM . [Re: nevermind]
DJsport Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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Edited by DJsport (12/21/09 10:46 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

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#299993 - 08/20/09 10:55 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: nevermind]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
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Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 03:28 AM)
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#300064 - 08/20/09 10:51 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: myboyhoodfears]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
This brings up a very intersting item to ponder...

If someone is abused by their older brother and then abuses a younger brother, is he a victim or an offender?

I almost see the younger brother as just being another victim of the oldest brother because the middle brother would never have done those things if he hadn't been victimized first.

So should the middle brother go to jail, or get therapy?


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#300095 - 08/21/09 08:25 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: M3]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
i believe the relationship dynamic have a lot to do with it, and also the perspectives of those involved.

in my case, my older brother [ 26 months] was the eldest, and was a god-like figure. he was preferred one, and my mother even said, 'everyone knows the first one's special', so that there says a lot [ if you know what i mean....... the jury is still out on that one...]. anyway, he was often put in charge of the rest of us when both parents were away at work.

over the course of time it was revealed that he was having sex with 4 of us sibs, two of which i walked in on. the 4th one kept mum about it until about 10 years ago, then it came out.

at any rate, i found out my older brother was having sex with the brother 26 months younger than me, and then he and i started having sex, but i can't remember who started it, or what the circumstances were that led to it, or how often it happened.

as it turns out i could have been considered a perp, because my younger brother was younger than me, but from my perspective, i did not see myself as any more powerful, but rather as an equal. however, from his perspective, i was a 'bigger' brother. so in that sense, i was a both a victim and a perp. incest is a very troubling and confusing thing. everyone has a different perspective of where they and others stand in the pecking order. for me, in retrospect, i did not see sex with either brother as being about power, but rather about getting intimacy needs met in a family system where intimacy was always negative. for my older brother, i can't begin to imagine where he [ a 15 y/o] was coming from, or what was in his mind as he was initiating 4 of his sibs, the youngest a 4/5 year old little girl.

the whole thing was, and still is so confusing, and even tho the older brother died at age 23, the rest of us are still alive, most unhappy and medicating with pills and other stuff.

everyone is satisfied with the status quo, and as long as no one talks about it, as long as no one rocks the boat, everything is 'ok'. for them, that is. me on the other hand, i have a very hard time dealing with the denial and the hardest thing about having relationship with this group of people is the fact that they just want to ignore the damage, yet pretend that everything is ok and that makes me an outsider; a stranger in a roomful of people whom with i share the same psychic history.

it's a nightmare from which i'll never wake.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#300100 - 08/21/09 11:18 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: Sans Logos]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 236
Loc: Manhattan
Ron,

Thank you for sharing that. You bared your soul and I'm deeply honored. You are not a perp.

Isn't it interesting how so many things are passed down from generation to generation? Besides the warm, fuzzy stuff; I'm realizing shame and behaviors are passed down too. My parents taught me that crying in public is a sign of weakness and should be frowned upon. Come to think of it, what is the purpose of shame? Maybe that could be explored in another thread. Perpetration I think is a learned behavior and not something one acquires out of the blue. Expose a child to horses or fishing and if he/she likes it, there's a good chance he/she will continue to do it. Children are like sponges and there's scientific proof to attest that they're built for storing and processing information faster than adults. Expose a child to sex and there's a far more sinister scenario. Adrenaline and hormones are produced and I've been told that the chemicals we produce are far more potent and addictive than anything made in a lab. Is it no wonder that some shrinks claim that survivors are predisposed to sexual addiction? I have sympathy for pedos AND victims; but I also have admiration and respect for survivors.

_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#300101 - 08/21/09 11:31 AM . [Re: Sans Logos]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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Edited by DJsport (12/21/09 10:46 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#300117 - 08/21/09 02:19 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: DJsport]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
I don't believe I indicated it would be easy, especially if the closing of one door involves the type of negative reaction mentioned above. We survivors have a hard enough time dealing with feeling defensive even when we're not attacked.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

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#300118 - 08/21/09 02:26 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: myboyhoodfears]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
Originally Posted By: myboyhoodfears
Quote:
Still, there's a chance you could just provide an anonymous tip to law enforcement that they should watch him.




thats actually a good idea...i didnt even think of that.


Other options, though more involved, could be hiring a private investigator or tipping off/creating a neighborhood watch group. In my local area, there is a website advocating everything from tax reform to tougher immigration policies, but also features a page called The Innocence Project. It allows people in the community to report possible sexual offenses against children, confirmed or not.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

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#300119 - 08/21/09 02:35 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: nevermind]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
.



Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 03:27 AM)
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#300125 - 08/21/09 03:57 PM . [Re: nevermind]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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Edited by DJsport (12/21/09 10:48 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#300129 - 08/21/09 04:34 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: myboyhoodfears]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
Originally Posted By: myboyhoodfears
not sure any of those would work...for several reasons...mostly because my resorces are very limited....and i dont live near him....but i can give his name to the authorities...i just happened to see on the news yesterday, an annonymous tip line...which may work for this sort of thing....ill check that web site out.


Dude. There you go, you have an opportunity to literally save someone, whether it be your old friend or a possible victim. Not taking any action is pretty much condoning the crime. Have courage and do what you wish someone had done to save you.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

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#300131 - 08/21/09 04:46 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: DJsport]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
Originally Posted By: DJsport
Originally Posted By: nevermind
We survivors have a hard enough time dealing with feeling defensive even when we're not attacked.


Hi, Nevermind.

Being defensive which was not my reaction or not I am having anxiety about the topic because I have a history is identical to others. Defensive means others are judging.

I am only adding my story.

I apologize if my wording is "offensive/defensive/incorrect or whatever.

NO judgements from me and I hope no one is being judgemental of me.

This it tough STUFF and staying with this might be the key to needed healing.

DJ


I wasn't offended by anything you said. As a matter of fact my reply had more to do with the original post and his leaving the support group. The reaction he got was uncalled for and he didn't deserve it.

Not everyone is capable of being compassionate with perps or victim/perps, at least not in the stage of healing they're at in the particular moment. I probably have a little more compassion than I used to, but the anger is always there. I don't see how anyone could conceive of attacking a survivor for feeling that way.

I have no argument with you or anyone else who is a survivor with perp thoughts or tendencies, though to be honest I may have a tough time chatting with someone who has perpetrated. I'm hyper-vigilant about protecting children rather than having the urge to do unto others what was done to me.

I, in turn, hope I have not offended anyone here, including you, DJ. Peace.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

Top
#300135 - 08/21/09 05:02 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: nevermind]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
On second thought, I don't know if I feel comfortable here anymore.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

Top
#300138 - 08/21/09 06:06 PM . [Re: nevermind]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
.



Edited by DJsport (12/21/09 10:49 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#300199 - 08/22/09 12:48 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: zb420]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
oooohh pppaallleezzzzee...

you did the right thing, sympathy for the abuser? you spoke your truth... remember who your audience is here...
keep on writing...nomansanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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#300319 - 08/23/09 07:52 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: nomansanisland]
zb420 Offline


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
thx for the replies


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#301538 - 09/03/09 09:07 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: zb420]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
I understand about the acting-out behaviour of people who have been abused, and sometimes this behaviour may be abusing others. Much of the time the person who is acting out has been affected in such a way that he may not understand the impact of what he is doing, but to the person being abused by him, he is still a perp.

It's important to be understanding, and maybe it is difficult and complex to consider where the blame should be placed, but it is important for the person that was abused that there are no excuses for his abuser. On the flip side, it is important for the victim who abuses, and who does so without knowledge or intention of hurting, that it was an acting-out behaviour for whatever given reasons but that he can not fall back on excuses, which in turn helps to avoid future relapses.

Just my opinions

Lewis

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#364696 - 06/21/11 10:12 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: king tut]
walkingtall Offline


Registered: 06/20/11
Posts: 2
Loc: OC,Ca
The abuser is allways WRONG. Abuse (sexual) can never be rationalized because someone was abused. It's black and white, there are no grey areas.

_________________________
Well what can i say. I was molested by my mothers brother(uncle) for two years starting at age eleven. He performed oral and so did i.
So many yrs of shame and guilt.
Fantasys of mam to man oral is my current downfall.
Thanks for this forum guys.

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