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#299991 - 08/20/09 10:52 AM . [Re: nevermind]
DJsport Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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Edited by DJsport (12/21/09 10:46 PM)
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#299993 - 08/20/09 10:55 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: nevermind]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
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Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 03:28 AM)
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#300064 - 08/20/09 10:51 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: myboyhoodfears]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
This brings up a very intersting item to ponder...

If someone is abused by their older brother and then abuses a younger brother, is he a victim or an offender?

I almost see the younger brother as just being another victim of the oldest brother because the middle brother would never have done those things if he hadn't been victimized first.

So should the middle brother go to jail, or get therapy?


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#300095 - 08/21/09 08:25 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: M3]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
i believe the relationship dynamic have a lot to do with it, and also the perspectives of those involved.

in my case, my older brother [ 26 months] was the eldest, and was a god-like figure. he was preferred one, and my mother even said, 'everyone knows the first one's special', so that there says a lot [ if you know what i mean....... the jury is still out on that one...]. anyway, he was often put in charge of the rest of us when both parents were away at work.

over the course of time it was revealed that he was having sex with 4 of us sibs, two of which i walked in on. the 4th one kept mum about it until about 10 years ago, then it came out.

at any rate, i found out my older brother was having sex with the brother 26 months younger than me, and then he and i started having sex, but i can't remember who started it, or what the circumstances were that led to it, or how often it happened.

as it turns out i could have been considered a perp, because my younger brother was younger than me, but from my perspective, i did not see myself as any more powerful, but rather as an equal. however, from his perspective, i was a 'bigger' brother. so in that sense, i was a both a victim and a perp. incest is a very troubling and confusing thing. everyone has a different perspective of where they and others stand in the pecking order. for me, in retrospect, i did not see sex with either brother as being about power, but rather about getting intimacy needs met in a family system where intimacy was always negative. for my older brother, i can't begin to imagine where he [ a 15 y/o] was coming from, or what was in his mind as he was initiating 4 of his sibs, the youngest a 4/5 year old little girl.

the whole thing was, and still is so confusing, and even tho the older brother died at age 23, the rest of us are still alive, most unhappy and medicating with pills and other stuff.

everyone is satisfied with the status quo, and as long as no one talks about it, as long as no one rocks the boat, everything is 'ok'. for them, that is. me on the other hand, i have a very hard time dealing with the denial and the hardest thing about having relationship with this group of people is the fact that they just want to ignore the damage, yet pretend that everything is ok and that makes me an outsider; a stranger in a roomful of people whom with i share the same psychic history.

it's a nightmare from which i'll never wake.

all the best,

ron

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#300100 - 08/21/09 11:18 AM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: Sans Logos]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 236
Loc: Manhattan
Ron,

Thank you for sharing that. You bared your soul and I'm deeply honored. You are not a perp.

Isn't it interesting how so many things are passed down from generation to generation? Besides the warm, fuzzy stuff; I'm realizing shame and behaviors are passed down too. My parents taught me that crying in public is a sign of weakness and should be frowned upon. Come to think of it, what is the purpose of shame? Maybe that could be explored in another thread. Perpetration I think is a learned behavior and not something one acquires out of the blue. Expose a child to horses or fishing and if he/she likes it, there's a good chance he/she will continue to do it. Children are like sponges and there's scientific proof to attest that they're built for storing and processing information faster than adults. Expose a child to sex and there's a far more sinister scenario. Adrenaline and hormones are produced and I've been told that the chemicals we produce are far more potent and addictive than anything made in a lab. Is it no wonder that some shrinks claim that survivors are predisposed to sexual addiction? I have sympathy for pedos AND victims; but I also have admiration and respect for survivors.

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#300101 - 08/21/09 11:31 AM . [Re: Sans Logos]
DJsport Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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Edited by DJsport (12/21/09 10:46 PM)
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#300117 - 08/21/09 02:19 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: DJsport]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
I don't believe I indicated it would be easy, especially if the closing of one door involves the type of negative reaction mentioned above. We survivors have a hard enough time dealing with feeling defensive even when we're not attacked.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

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#300118 - 08/21/09 02:26 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: myboyhoodfears]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
Originally Posted By: myboyhoodfears
Quote:
Still, there's a chance you could just provide an anonymous tip to law enforcement that they should watch him.




thats actually a good idea...i didnt even think of that.


Other options, though more involved, could be hiring a private investigator or tipping off/creating a neighborhood watch group. In my local area, there is a website advocating everything from tax reform to tougher immigration policies, but also features a page called The Innocence Project. It allows people in the community to report possible sexual offenses against children, confirmed or not.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

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#300119 - 08/21/09 02:35 PM Re: sympathy for pedos /hate for victims? [Re: nevermind]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
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Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 03:27 AM)
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#300125 - 08/21/09 03:57 PM . [Re: nevermind]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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Edited by DJsport (12/21/09 10:48 PM)
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