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#299373 - 08/15/09 05:51 AM limbo horrors
boylikeme Offline


Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 546
Loc: hell

hi,

im pretty new and i haven't really posted anything bout myself yet cuz i just dunno what n where n just being really insecure.

i was quite happy bout getting access to the teen forum n for some reason was feelin kinda confident yesterday n posted there.. actually i think i posted the same thing twice cuz i didnt know posts there wont appear right away..

so right now this pretty embarassing post is out there waiting for approval n im feeling less confident bout it..

i know it probably wont be approved for a while cuz lewis is on a trip..

n now im stuck in a terrible insecurity limbo n i just dunno what to do..

dont even know why im posting this

_________________________
Everybody’s screaming - I try to make a sound but no one hears me (Untitled - Simple Plan)

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#299377 - 08/15/09 07:37 AM Re: limbo horrors [Re: boylikeme]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
hey boylikeme,

I saw that date on your registration so I guess you're new here. I've only been here 2 weeks now myself so I understand what you're saying about feeling a bit unsure about what to do and how to go about doing it.

I have one really important thing to say to you though...this is one place where you NEVER will have to be embarrassed about anything you say or do. I know that's a concept you may not really believe, but it's true. Every one of us is here for reasons that they usually can't share with the whole world. When you've got something like that, but it's an important thing, well it makes you kind of embarrassed. The thing is, then you start to feel embarrassed about things which aren't even things to be embarrassed about. Everybody here understands all of that.

Believe me, I understand that you might be afraid of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing. You see, if you're here, I guess I can assume that it's for the same reasons as the rest of us...and here's the point: most of us are probably older than you which means we have literally been you at this point in your life. We get it! There's not a feeling you're having which many of us here haven't had. Of course, your situation and all is unique to you, but I was amazed at how many, I mean hundreds of posts I read, the people writing them described feeling exactly as I did.

By the way, I noticed you said in your info by your screen name that you live in Germany...are you German, American or something else? I have spent some time working and living there back in the 90s. Just thought I'd ask, but there's no pressure to answer that or anything else from anybody. And it's totally cool to say that here.

I bet I can answer the last sentence in your post...you said you don't know why you're posting this...I'd say it's because you wanted someone to listen. I do exactly the same thing here every day.

take care,

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#299394 - 08/15/09 11:43 AM Re: limbo horrors [Re: sono]
boylikeme Offline


Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 546
Loc: hell

Think I'm just feeling really weird and lonely and insecure right now.. but at least I now know the post I made is safe n it is not going up unless I want it to... just don't know how Im supposed to make that decision

I am half English half German, grew up in England but I am bilingual or at least equally crap in either language. moved to Germany in January.. n then into this place here 2 weeks ago. feeling a bit homesick lately..

_________________________
Everybody’s screaming - I try to make a sound but no one hears me (Untitled - Simple Plan)

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#299422 - 08/15/09 06:57 PM Re: limbo horrors [Re: boylikeme]
Ornias Offline


Registered: 08/13/09
Posts: 310
i hate when that happens your like ya ya ill say this and that i feel good about that, but its like fleating moment of feel good then you hit post or send when your sending an email or something and then you wish you can take it all back.

but im sure sono right , i dont think anyone is going to make fun of you for anything or look down on it or whatever, maybe you will feel better about it once you see it posted
hope you feel better boy





Edited by Ornias (08/15/09 07:03 PM)
_________________________
its not easy to hide all this damage inside,
and ill carry it w
ith me until i'm not alive.

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#299434 - 08/15/09 08:50 PM Re: limbo horrors [Re: Ornias]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Ornias is exactly right. No one here is going to think any worse of you because we've all known that feeling. I remember thinking I was being really, really stupid when I first showed up in the chat room and began talking. Figured everyone would scream and run the other way fast. Didn't happen. I found guys who knew what I was saying and could affirm I was not crazy because they had the same thoughts I had and could understand.

Glad you've found this place tho so sorry you need it.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#299449 - 08/15/09 10:03 PM Re: limbo horrors [Re: WalkingSouth]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Hi Boy,

Proud of you to post and do some risking. We have talked a couple of times and i really hope this site can be a help to you as you start your new life in Germany. Let us support you and be there for you. As you can see others understand wht your feeling and want to be there for you.

Take care,

Ron


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#299471 - 08/16/09 03:33 AM Re: limbo horrors [Re: Barney]
boylikeme Offline


Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 546
Loc: hell

thanks for the replies guys.. n thanks to ornias n barney for the chats..

funny thing is.. i finally asked for it to be posted yesterday... then bit my lip n closed my eyes n waited... n nobody really cares..lol.. it got 1 reply n thats from the person i asked to post it..

so yea.. that was one wasted panic attack..lol

_________________________
Everybody’s screaming - I try to make a sound but no one hears me (Untitled - Simple Plan)

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#299485 - 08/16/09 06:07 AM Re: limbo horrors [Re: boylikeme]
Ornias Offline


Registered: 08/13/09
Posts: 310
i would of repsonded to it if king tut or what ever his name is wasnt on vacation or where ever he is lol

lol yeah you got to save those panic attacks up for something good

_________________________
its not easy to hide all this damage inside,
and ill carry it w
ith me until i'm not alive.

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#299489 - 08/16/09 06:35 AM Re: limbo horrors [Re: Ornias]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
Hi boylikeme,

I'm still here it is ok. A number of moderators in addition to myself can approve and pull the posts going into the teen forum so if for some reason i can't get ot it straight away somebody else will. If you post something and then have regrets you can send a PM to a moderator and they can stop it from appearing in the teen forum or remove it.


Hi Ornias,

We are working on getting you into the teen forum but like with every applicant it just takes a little time to put everything in order to make sure the teen forum remains a safe place for you guys.

Lewis

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#299493 - 08/16/09 07:56 AM Re: limbo horrors [Re: king tut]
boylikeme Offline


Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 546
Loc: hell

I'm really sorry.. I didn't mean to get this panicky bout something that stupid

_________________________
Everybody’s screaming - I try to make a sound but no one hears me (Untitled - Simple Plan)

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#299531 - 08/16/09 02:21 PM Re: limbo horrors [Re: boylikeme]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
it's quite alright, boy. You're reaction was a completely normal one. Think about it this way. We were abused by some guy who also asked, threatened, or otherwise convinced us to keep the abuse a secret, right? Maybe it was a pact that was made that we would never tell.

Whatever the case all this time later we begin to understand how it all had such negative impact on our lives and we feel like we need to tell. We find what we think is a safe place to talk about it and we put it out there then the guilt and the fear set in because we've broken the secret or the pact we made. All hell breaks loose in our minds and the panic sets in. We feel like it's going to cause problems of some kind.

I did it. Many of the men and teenagers who come here have experienced it too. It's a perfectly normal reaction. As you've discovered tho, the sky doesn't fall if we choose to talk about it in a safe environment. Good job!

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#299533 - 08/16/09 02:36 PM Re: limbo horrors [Re: boylikeme]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

Brother boylikeme;

IMHO there is no apology necessary at all. I was heartened to read your posts here. Your posts did a couple of things for me; first they reminded me of how dependant I was on approval from outside before and in early recovery/healing. secondly, filled me with hope as I see you entering healing decades before I began my journey (in my 40s).

When I saw your "panic" I was reminded of how sending an email or speaking to people was fraught with terror for me. I was analyzing the hell out of what I was saying and how they might take it or react and playing out a whole scenario around all of my communications... It was exhausting... Today it is far better and MS has been no small part of that. I'm still far from perfect, today I am ok with that and have found that by working through my fears of rejection and abandonment I have reduced and almost eliminated my fears around communication with people. Even when I receive a "rejection", one that would have sent me into a tailspin a couple of years back, I am able to detach from it and respond to it in peace and without making it into a personal rejection.

my thoughts today.. enjoy and may your recovery and healing bring you to see the road of your journey as the "road of happy destiny".

Love and hope, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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