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#298942 - 08/12/09 03:23 AM Male Femininity
Clockwise Offline


Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Pennsylvania
It's only been recently that I've began to think of myself as gay. For so long I had this thing inside of me that was somehow holding out for the possibility that I could still be straight or just bisexual but I doubt that's going to happen.

Like most people, I watch a lot of television and today homosexual characters are much more prevalent than they used to be. But the more and more I watch the more I get confused. It seems like all you see on tv is (I hope I don't offend anyone) are these extremelly girly men. It's like every single show has that one over-the-top stereotypical gay guy floating aroung screaming "I'm hot, I'm faboulous, and I'm a bitch!" every five freakin' minutes. I know as well as anyone that most homosexual men are not like that. You probably wouldn't know most gay men were actually gay unless they told you. Although I'm not out to my family I don't try to be macho or hit on every girl that walks in front of me to put on some kind of front. I am who I am, I just don't want people to thing that just because you're gay you're automatically some egotystical self-absorbed fairy-character like you see on tv.

Part of me thinks I'm exaggerating and that my thoughts are premature since, like I stated before, I'm not out to anyone but nevertheless it still effects me. What do you guys think about it?

Terrick

_________________________
Yet another 24 hours.

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#298947 - 08/12/09 05:12 AM Re: Male Femininity [Re: Clockwise]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 861
Loc: washington
Clockwise,

I think all males show signs of male femininity (some more than others).

Personally, I believe that I was born straight, but due to fact that I was altered at around 6 or seven years old, I have been pulled towards the middle. (meaning bi).

...I am comfortable with this stance, but at the same time, I felt I needed to find a tipping point. That is my sexual attraction vs. my personal sexuality. I am not going to say that my tipping point is always going to stay the same...but right now, I am tipping towards hetero and my sexuality is interesting enough...in the bedroom.

The reason I am bringing up the tipping point is because I wanted to be in a commited relationship (and think it a rough go to try and date both sexes at one time).

My closet isn't big enough to stand in...so I don't plan on jumping out of any closets anytime to soon...!!!

Knowing my luck, the second I jump out of any closet I might want to get back in. I haven't tried it, but I believe, it's harder to get the cat in the bag.

If I concluded, I was leaning in the other direction at any given point, I might consider experimenting a little bit, in order to figure out what kind of cat I am.

Reguardless of what kind of cat, I figured out I was, one thing is for certain...There isn't a man or woman out there that doesn't like soft or cuddley in a long lasting and healthy relationship. (I believe this to be more of a feminine caracteristic).

Anywho...Rome wasn't built in a day and you have plenty of life ahead of you...


Hand in my Pocket (Alanis Morissette)


island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#298959 - 08/12/09 09:06 AM Re: Male Femininity [Re: Clockwise]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Quote:
It seems like all you see on tv is (I hope I don't offend anyone) are these extremelly girly men.


terrick,

there are varying degrees of personality in every cultural subset. the media [both str8 and gay moguls are equally guilty] thrive on ridiculing that aspect because doing so serves best to increase their coffers, makes for good entertainment sport, protects and reinforces the macho image and serves to buttress the morals of right wing conservative christian america.

as i mentioned in another thread, for over 35 years i have been following evolution of the gay media stereotype projected onto the social consciousness, and i'm afraid that i have allowed TV, movies and other forms of print media to subtly and insidiously infiltrate and shape stereotypes of people that now live in my head. that's something, most likely, many people have done. but i constantly work to replace those. truthfully, as i get out there and interact with real people, i find that they all have more than one dimension to them, just like me and you. in reality, we each have our faces we show to the world, but we are so much more than just our face. beneath the surface there beats a heart and lives a soul that deeply desires to be loved and accepted.

at some point, if you decide to take that plunge and begin to explore those aspects of your spirit ordinarily considered taboo and loathsome, and therefore ridiculous by the homophobic culture at large, then do so in healthy pockets of the community; in the ones that seek to nourish the spiritual, communal, political and healthful and nurturing social aspects of the life. we rarely hear about those, but they are there waiting to be supported by compassionate, intelligent people like yourself who want to make a positive contribution toward increasing a climate of telerance and acceptance of all types of people. make a study of the lives of those admirable humans who have managed to escape the box of stereotypes. they are there, and maybe you are one of them.

anyway, here is a thread celebrating those who have done so much to shape cultural healthy attitudes for expressions of the rainbow spirit check it out. also, click the link in my sig for 'soulforce', another awesome political/religious watchdog group fighting the effects of homophobia. find an affirming church community out there. now is a very exciting time to be young and just starting out.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#298965 - 08/12/09 10:10 AM Re: Male Femininity [Re: Sans Logos]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 211
Loc: Oregon
Clockwise (Terrick),

View it as television being ham handed because the writers think that the lowest common denominator viewer is only able to understand gross caricatures of anything they are not a member of. Stereotypes exist because those people exist, but you are apparently only seeing the negative portion of that stereotype. The caricatures that you see on television are there for every group. "I'm hot, I'm faboulous, and I'm a bitch!" may be part of it, but they are also witty, courageous and some of the most amazing people to know, because they can never hide and do not try to. The stereotype exists because people like that exist and people like that exist because the stereotype exists.

The stonewall riots occurred because a group of drag queens got really bitchy, and created a really amazing point in recent gay history. There are some people that are very dear to me that are that stereotype and I would never ask them to change, ask them to stop being such a total bitch, yes, but not to change.
Accept people as they are, you do not have to associate with them.

If you wish you can take a look at the other caricatures that are not as prevalent in straight media, but exist within the culture - Abercrombie and Fitch buff guy (male uber-masculine white), DL thug (uber-masculine black), twinkie girlie-boy (feminine white and black) - are all gross exaggerations of some specific quality that is viewed as good (in moderation from my point of view) taken to the extreme. We, as humans try to fit people into categories to know where they fall within our direct experience. If the caricature bothers you, you may want to examine why.

Become a television studio head and you can change the stereotype, but from their point of view it works.

Be yourself, you can never truly fit the gross stereotypes that are commonly "seen", nor would most really want to.

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#298969 - 08/12/09 11:37 AM Re: Male Femininity [Re: philistine]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 236
Loc: Manhattan
Terrick,

Mike brought up something very interesting points. You wrote that:

"I just don't want people to think that just because you're gay you're automatically some egotystical self-absorbed fairy-character like you see on tv."

Mike might be suggesting that maybe it's not the witty, courageous, albeit flamboyant men on television that are bothering you. Maybe the angst you're feeling is related to what you think people are going to think about you (if and when you do come out). You seem to be a very strong and confident man when you wrote, "I am who I am..." and I think you're the type of person who doesn't give a crap what other people think regarding what you wear, what you say, or what you do - well, most of the time. smile

Think outside the box, brutha!! I'd probably get shit at work if some people found out I'm gay; and I'm pretty straight acting (although my gear is tight). If I'm afraid of what people will think or do when I come to them and I'm kinda butch, what do you think those courageous and confident "girly" men have to put up with on a daily basis? I'm sure they get all kinds of shit but they're still keepin' it real!! They got no shame in they game...

Play on playa. Keep it gangsta...
Jay

_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#306037 - 10/11/09 08:41 PM Re: Male Femininity [Re: GentleSoul]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
it took me a long time to accept I was

it is never easy life that is

it is hard for most of us abused or not

michael joseph

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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