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#298748 - 08/10/09 04:40 PM Re: Please help me. [Re: PleaseHelpMe]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, PHM.

Sexual abuse takes shapes in many ways with family and non-famaily. It can be overt meaning direct touch and covert or non-direct touch.

I do not believe it is necessary to remember every detail and could be revictimizing to go back to every detail.

I repressed my memories for nearly 35 years. I did remember "enough" to know how the csa=abuse affected my life so I could change or deal with the affects.

There is NO black and white method to recovering the abuse. I believe from what you have written you have plenty of information to continue with your discovery of yourself as an adult today.

I can to understand my own same sex attractions before the actual memories of the events when I was a little boy. I did have the usual sexual behavior when I was an adolescent.

It is important to get support and be able to give yourself and have others who be support and be encouraging.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#298777 - 08/10/09 09:11 PM Re: Please help me. [Re: DJsport]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
Hey PHM,

I would recommend reading the book Abused Boys by Mic Hunter. He has a section on covert sexual abuse. Meaning that the action was disguised as something non-sexual. He uses the example of parents who give their child "bug checks" after the child strips down naked. I find books to be much more helpful then the internet, for the most part.

For me personally, I never did repress my memories, I always had them. But until recently I did not consider myself to have been sexually abused. One night I googled csa, read the symptoms, read some stories and suddenly realized that I was abused. I don't really know what I considered my early sexual experiences. Now, its obvious, but a few months ago I guess I just viewed them as any old memories.

I really don't know if this helps, I don't think I really answered your question.


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#298858 - 08/11/09 03:03 PM Re: Please help me. [Re: Riley]
PleaseHelpMe Offline


Registered: 08/09/09
Posts: 13
What you said about covert sexual abuse really helped. Thank you.


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#298860 - 08/11/09 03:16 PM Re: Please help me. [Re: PleaseHelpMe]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
I am glad you found some answers here to be helpful.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#298869 - 08/11/09 05:57 PM Re: Please help me. [Re: DJsport]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
hey there,

It's really difficult to have conflicting feelings about a parent. Most people do, it's just that maybe many of us here have extremely conflicting feelings. I haven't posted much about my family yet, I'm new and I guess even though it's maybe less extreme than my main perp, it's too close still. Or maybe still too far away, I'm not sure. Anyway, after contemplating exactly this topic of love/hate with my parents and family, I can only suggest to just come to terms with not having anything as simple as ONE feeling per person. It's OK. Loved ones, both those you choose and those you don't can sometimes hurt one another, they're not perfect and neither are we. You love him, you hate him, don't get hung up on whether that's OK or not, it is. It's very very impressive that you can look at this already. I wasn't close to being ready in my 20s. I'll also say what many here have said to me...cut yourself some slack for stuff you did as a kid. Best wishes in working on this.

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#298936 - 08/12/09 01:59 AM Re: Please help me. [Re: sono]
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
I was in a similar situation. It felt like something was wrong. I remember, as a married adult, sitting on my wife's lap one night rocking back and forth saying, "Nothing happened to me. Nothing happened to me." My poor wife.

I have decided over time, that there are some things I will never know about my past. Our brains aren't video cameras. They don't record everything. Add to that the fact that we can "tune out" or dissociate our minds from what's going on, and the truth is that our video camera brains (if there were such a thing) may have been turned off on purpose.

Which leaves us with the fact that we're not happy, we're uncomfortable, we feel gut feelings about people and situations. I actually remember having what you're talking about, in a way. I used to see posters at stores of a boy with dark hair with a certain look. For some reason I remember feeling some sort of bond or relationship with someone who looked like that. To this day, I do not know exactly what that was about. It doesn't happen anymore, and I can only attribute that to doing this work--looking at the emotions and pain. My best guess was that, as a blonde kid, I believed that if I had looked like that boy, I would have been safe.

You are doing the right thing. Write the feelings down. This is a good place where, it seems, our symptoms are all very similar.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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