My T told me that one day I will have to tell my family that I am gay. I knew this already but him telling me really brought it into perspective. I just spent a little over a week with my family in North Carolina and I thought about it a lot. My family are not really accepting of gay lifestyles and as far as I know they think I'm straight. Of course questions of if and when I'll get a girlfriend come up just like in any family but my sexualty has never really ever been questioned. I feel like I'm lying to all of them. I can just imagine the shock and horror that will ensue when they find out that Terrick is gay - how could this happen to him? What's wrong with him? How do we fix him? It probably won't happen till I'm well on my own and not dependent on anyone, but I still feel like a lier now. What can I do? They love me so much and I feel like I'll let them down if I come out. I thought to myself that if they don't accept it then I could just say "screw you" and move on but how do you cut the family that's loved you out of your life just like that?

Terrick

You don't. If your family loves you that much and you love them, then why would you want to cut them out of your life?

Waiting to tell them your gay when you can financially do with out them isn't the answer either. How do you know how your family is going to respond?

At first they are going to be stunned, confused, maybe a little angry, but it's OK. They have a right to feel these emotions, it doesn't change who your are or who they are.

The reason you feel like your lieing to them is because by not being honest with them about who you are, you are not being truthful.

This is hurting you I can tell by what you are saying. As a parent I wouldn't want my child to keep something from me because she felt I would disapprove or would be hurt by it.

She's my child and I wouldn't want her to have to hurt by keeping a secret of who she is. All your family to show they still love you regardless.

I understand where your coming from and I don't want to cut them out of my life at all. It's just that, well, you know your family. You can tell their likes and dislikes, what they approve and disapprove of. I can tell that they disapprove of gays and lesbians from the way they chringe when they see someone who they assume is gay or from my stepdads use of the word "faggot" or the way they lean over and whisper to each ther about the sexuality of someone nearby.

I know they love me but I am still afraid. I doubt my mom would completely disown me or kick me out of the house but I'm still afraid of the possibility. I don't want to be hated by my relatives or asked questions about when or how or why this whole "gay thing" happened. I don't want it be an issue.

Terrick,

I see two sides to this, and yep, it's a really difficult problem. On the one hand, if you allow yourself to stay stuck in the closet like this, you are only setting yourself up for a lot of bad feelings about who you are. There is nothing wrong with being gay! You are who you are - period. And in any case, why on earth do we insist on seeing gay as the absolute opposite of straight? Only because homophobic society insists on vilifying anything and everything related to homosexuality. In reality there's no absolute black and white - there are a million variations in between, and if we are honest with ourselves most of us will see that we don't fit at either extreme, but rather belong somewhere in between.

The other side of this, though, is that you don't OWE anyone information about your sexuality. You should go ahead and be very selfish about this. Before you tell anyone, ask yourself if doing this will be good for you. Will you gain the support of a good friend, for example? What's in it for Terrick? If the answer is "nothing", then there's no reason why you should discuss it, with that person at least.

Much love,
Larry

I was raped by gays, and molested by my teachers and "friends". They are all foreigners from the west. I'm still afraid of them. However, I can still help you not to be one of them. It always starts like this. I'm not sure what to do exactly, I'm only sixteen, living life like that means that you are prepared to endure a whole lot of ugly coming at your way.

I was raped by gays, and molested by my teachers and "friends". They are all foreigners from the west. I'm still afraid of them. However, I can still help you not to be one of them. It always starts like this. I'm not sure what to do exactly, I'm only sixteen, living life like that means that you are prepared to endure a whole lot of ugly coming at your way.