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#298581 - 08/09/09 02:49 PM Re: curious to know... [Re: sono]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 838
Loc: Kc,Mo
all hate does is effect you , not the other person chances are they have went on about their business and not even acknowledge that they have wronged you in any way. and "this goes for any kind of hate not just the hate for abusers"

so holding on to this hate is like they still have control and or power over your life in some way, by letting this hate go they no longer can have that kind of power in your life. by staying filled with hate that means they have all the power, and you can only change when they decide to change. so you can either change yourself or continue to be angry at some one until they change . {may be never}.

so do not give any one that kind of power in your life, satan would love for you to stay angry than he does not have to do anything but sit back and enjoy the show. do not let him have that kind of power in your life either , in other words do not do the will of satan , that is why the word teaches forgiveness because when you hold on to Unforgiveness it lives in your heart, and you can not serve to masters . choose one and choose wisely .
it is hard but what in life is not hard, make up your mind and fight for peace of mind and fight for your freedom from hatred . may the peace of forgiveness rest on you . god bless you and good luck.

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#298845 - 08/11/09 12:36 PM Re: curious to know... [Re: nltsaved]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
for my own health, i ve decided to forgive.
i will never forget
i understand why others here choose not to forgive
i need closure
i must have a foreward momentum
that i get to control
forgiveness is the beginning for me
knowing that he was just a man
that it all was just a sad act
of desperation
that i was available and handy
there was much fear involved
that is my next challenege
knowing that i
need to move foreward
knowing that i must not let my fear keep me silent.

thanks to all who shared. i am humbled

patrick no man is an island ...i now that now.

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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#298884 - 08/11/09 07:17 PM Re: curious to know... [Re: nomansanisland]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
You are SOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT!

Thanks, Ted

_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#298885 - 08/11/09 07:34 PM Re: curious to know... [Re: nomansanisland]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
yes patrick, he was only 'a miserable man'; a pathetic creature. once that realization was made about the perp/s, i was able to move beyond the victim mentality, and get on with the business of surviving and thriving. thanks for the reminder and the verification.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#298943 - 08/12/09 04:05 AM Re: curious to know... [Re: Sans Logos]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
no man is an island,

I had problems in trying to wrap my mind around forgiveness before I was somehow led to the concept of pardon/ing. (I forget the source).

Just a spoonfull of sugar makes the medicine go down. (and make no mistake I took the medicine for my own wellbeing).

The reason I bring this up, is because, I had to cross this bridge more than once.

Hope I've helped,


Forgiven (Allanis Morrisette)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#299910 - 08/19/09 04:22 PM Re: curious to know... [Re: 1islandboy]
mrd Offline


Registered: 04/01/09
Posts: 28
My Brothers

Knowing Jesus has taught me a lot about forgiveness. He being sinless layed his life down for me. So I could live forever with Him, the Father, and believers. And me just like Peter has denied him three times, well for me its been more than three. Yet he loves me still. He has taught me to accept the fact I'm not prefect. But God is made perfect in my weakness. Most people think it is weak to forgive. I believe it is being obedient to God which gives me a power I can't explain. But it gives me the ability to be free from the trap of hatered that has caused lots of folks great pain including my abuser and me. If I forgive then God may forgive them and then we can live in eternity as we all were meant to be. Its kinda like braking the cycle.

peace and love
mrd

_________________________
Ignorance is the most dangerous element in human society.

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#299916 - 08/19/09 05:10 PM Re: curious to know... [Re: mrd]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Patrick,

It took till I was able to understand that he choose to abuse not because of who I am or something I did. But because of his own sick sexual needs and his inability to have them met in a normal adult manner with another adult. Was I able to come to the point of being able to forgive him. Until I was able to see it was only about him and not me. I just happened to be a vulnerable child whom he had easy excess to. And I know for a fact I was not the only victim of sick sexual behaviors. He continue these behaviors into old age in fact he spent most of his 70's in prison because of these behaviors he was unable to control.
But it took me awhile to finally realize who really had the issue. When I learned to allowed him to be responsible for his own behaviors I no longer did I need to hate him. And to let go and learn to live my own life.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#300145 - 08/21/09 07:16 PM Re: curious to know... [Re: michael banks]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 236
Loc: Manhattan
Doods,

It's okay to hate and it's okay to be angry! That's one of the things a very wise old Mod told me once a while back. You don't have to be ashamed that you're angry or you have so much hatred. It's totally okay! Trying to control emotions is almost, always impossible. My parents shamed me for crying or showing anger. Fcuk! What do old skool peeps know? It's okay to be mad dood. According to the words of Andy, "What happened to you was wrong and you have a right to be angry." Feel the anger and express it in healthy ways: throw rotten eggs at George W. Bush's picture, scream your lungs off in rush hour, don't wear foundation for a day! Anger is like 'em storms, eh? Sooner or later they gon' dissipate and you can start singing, "I Can See Clearly Now" (Jimmy Cliff's version of course). As one actress said from the movie "Death Proof" by Q. Tarantino, "Before you can claim a #!88@, you've got to CLAIM a #!88@..." Feel it, don't run away from it... You gon' be so empowered playa! Peace and keep it gangsta!!

Jay

_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#300149 - 08/21/09 08:07 PM Re: curious to know... [Re: GentleSoul]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11047
Loc: Denver, CO
Uh oh, I'm being quoted. Someone was listening to me. smile
Thanks, Jay.

Legitimate anger has its place. Often times the anger can be secondary to something deeper, some hurt. Finding the means to share it can be challenging, but is possible.

I've read so many times the verse that states "Be angry, but sin not." This tells me anger is allowed, but must be tempered. I can't just explode and take out everything in an emotional square mile around me. That would be abusive in itself. I have found from personal experiences that when certain feelings are allowed and processed, the anger goes away on its own. But to be honest, at times I've fooled myself, and found myself angry at topic X again when I thought it was done and over with.

It takes time, but anger processed in healthy ways can be done and over with. Patience with self in this long, healing process helps.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#300200 - 08/22/09 12:56 PM Re: curious to know... [Re: michael banks]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
there may be a difference here,

did you get to have justice??? i did not ...my abuser still walks this earth an innocent man...( so he thinks)...you have some justice as he went to prison for what he did to someone...mine continues to ruin my family and its dynamics...nomansanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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