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#297862 - 08/03/09 11:00 AM Straight, But Perceived As Gay. Advice?
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
People in my current community are very traditional, conservative, religious and set in their ways. I come from a different, more liberal and diverse setting, and lean more towards artistic and non-traditional activities.

Back in the 90's I started a poetry club for teenagers, and people began openly mocking me because that was viewed as a feminine activity. Now I find myself in a similar situation, because locals are finding out about my childhood sexual abuse, some of which came from male perps.

Is anyone else in this boat? I'm about as straight as a guy can be, with an obvious attraction to females and slightly homophobic tendencies. Anyone who really knows me would have no doubts, and I probably shouldn't be so concerned, but DAMN. It just gets me sometimes.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

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#297865 - 08/03/09 11:53 AM . [Re: nevermind]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 07:48 PM)

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#297871 - 08/03/09 01:03 PM Re: Straight, But Perceived As Gay. Advice? [Re: bardo213]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Guys.

I am somewhat in the same boat. I will try NOT to gross you out (homophobia) but state in a factual way what I experience.

I am gay percieved as straight. I am very masculine in appearance and mildly masculine in behavior with some feminine hobbies - sewing. I really have to work hard to show any signs of my gayness unless I am kissing a guy of course.

I am gay. Alot of women once they find out I am single NOT married are "interested". I even had one nice gal state you have NOT been with the right woman. I was once married and after two kids I am still NOT attracted to women.

When I hang out with guys they automatically assume my sexuality.

I agree alot of it needs to go in one ear and out the other.

It can be frustrating.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#297947 - 08/04/09 01:14 AM Re: Straight, But Perceived As Gay. Advice? [Re: DJsport]
nevermind Offline


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 58
Loc: Pennsylvania
Thanks, guys. Usually I am too busy to care, or feeling confident about myself to not let it get me. I do have some masculine traits, such as an interest in weight training and martial arts. When I'm around other men, I usually end up talking about women and I don't mind the typical locker room behavior, but since I've gone into recovery from csa I tend to be less of a pig than I used to. I'm suddenly a lot more sensitive about what I say and who I'd rather spend time with when talking.

I'm really trying to move beyond the negativity that surrounds me, even though I do get the urge to kick someone's f'n teeth in sometimes.

Ignorance is something I've never understood, and another reason why I had so much resentment for my father...as if I didn't have enough. People spend way too much time spewing their opinions of others and not enough time trying to improve themselves. And trust me, no matter how righteous they think they are, there is always room for improvement.

_________________________
Young Caine:
"Then life must be always defended?"

Master Kan:
"The thorn defends the rose. It harms only those who would steal the blossom from the plant."

Kung Fu, Episode 4

Top
#297951 - 08/04/09 02:11 AM Re: Straight, But Perceived As Gay. Advice? [Re: nevermind]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
people sterotype,

they have to lable,

thats how they gain thier own self cofidence...

in order to feel comfortable around you they have to catagorize you.

it is a way for them to feel superior.

there always has to be the antagonist and protagonist.

bad thing that it has to be your reputation that they ruin. lying about someone isnt right, it's hurtful and its wrong,
with that said...it still continues.

there is no shame in being gay or straight,

the shame is assigning a label to someone who doesnt earn it...

being the victim of viscous gossip and such malice hurts to the core...
i like to think people are jealous of a persons zest for life, and that they must talk and catagorize.

It allows them to feel comfortable with thier small lives and the ruts they exist in.

my best coping mechanism is to say to myself , " what someone else thinks of me is none of my business..." nomansanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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