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#297946 - 08/04/09 01:11 AM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: petercorbett]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Interesting thread.
I fell in love with the character of Spock on Star Trek when it first came out. I so identifed with his dual personality and trying to keep his emotions in check and surpressed. I embrased the philosophy of Logic over emotions with a vengence but it isolated me from the people I really needed to be connected to. It took me a while to figure out that it was hurting me more than helping me but I still secretly longed for the wall of logic that I could hide behind.
R


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#297953 - 08/04/09 03:34 AM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: Freedom49]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
Keeping one's emotions in check is the biggest part. Being able to keep from losing it. To be able to remain in a situation and not show emotion.

How is a 7 year old boy supposed to handle being wrapped up in a blanket and then listen to his mommy tell how she's gonna make everything alright, how there is no child abuse because you ate, as she's loading her shotgun? Come on, take it like a man!


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#297956 - 08/04/09 05:27 AM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: LilacLouie]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
I guess that my role modle has ben Tommy Chong

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#298044 - 08/04/09 10:12 PM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: MarkK]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1155
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
OMG, I completely FORGOT about Dark Shadows. I watched it all the time as a kid. Yes, he was dark and something about him inviting. I remember watching a clip of it on cable maybe 20 years ago or so. Wow, was it CHEESIE! smile

Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#298078 - 08/05/09 07:49 AM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: Jim1961]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
This is fun, I gotta admit,I never wantedd Uncle Bill to be my dad (Brian Keith - Family Affair), but that probably has to do with the fact he reminded me of a cleaned up version of my dad...never mind. The vampire Barnabus Collins...I remember trying out the neck biting thing on my big sisters and their friends (me 3 or 4 them 17-18) funny, they weren't into it...

It's really interesting how many of us did the control the emotion thing..with or without Spock's help. I wonder if Leonard Nimoy knows what a help he was to a lot of little boys/men trying to cope. Clearly we need our emotions, but maybe that ddefence mechanism was better than the other options at the time...to unlearn that behavior...hard. I can feel it whenever my wife and I get into a discussion (read disagreement) that starts to go in a direction I'm not comfortable with (this can be anything, usually not my CSA by any means) I can literally feel the emotion valves turning off...I can feel my face go flat...that's my "OK now, ready to deal with it" default position...that feels like a revelation...I'm gonna go think about it. Thanks freedom49.

Jim1961, I'd like to ask you to share more about what your T says about Spock/disasociation...I haven't found one yet...I feel like I can almost see where that is going. I also feel like I need a better handle on exactly what dissociation is...

Okie Mike, Is it OK to laugh at what you said, or is that something you're also trying to work through?

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#298136 - 08/05/09 04:38 PM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: petercorbett]
christianfather Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 116
Loc: TN
Pete- that was Family Affair he inherited 3 children Jody, Buffy, and Sissy. He became a single dad to them after their parents were killed and the family had separated them. Your right he was the kind of dad that I want to be with my daughter.

No matter what they got into they had Uncle Bill they could talk to not to mention Mr. French.


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#298339 - 08/07/09 06:10 AM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: sono]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1155
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Originally Posted By: sono
Jim1961, I'd like to ask you to share more about what your T says about Spock/disasociation...I haven't found one yet...I feel like I can almost see where that is going. I also feel like I need a better handle on exactly what dissociation is...


Sono,

This was my attempt at humor:

Originally Posted By: jim1961
Now my T tells me how being "Spock" is somehow related to dissociation. Is that logical?? Hmmm....


I'm not a doctor but my T tells me I have "mild dissociation." My experience is that whenever I am triggered (emotions stirred up), I go numb. Its like disconnecting from the emotions (sound like Spock?).

My challenge (and frustration) is that it is a reflex. I don't consciously think "time to go numb", it just happens. It's especially frustrating because I do it often in my T sessions. My T consistently reminds me that it is safe. But that part of me doesn't listen or care apparently...

I have no doubt that it was a coping mechanism that kept me from jumping off a bridge. Doesn't serve me at all now as an adult.

There have been many posts regarding dissociation. Do a search.

Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#298341 - 08/07/09 06:59 AM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: Jim1961]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Jim1961,

Hey thanks for reminding about that search option. Even though it's right there at the top, it isn't part of the menu till you join, and I quite frankly forgot about it...ouch that sounds like my mother-in-law asking me something about her computer.

Even though that was a joke, which is swell!, it used to drive my wife nuts how I would do that when we would be talking, discussing, arguing, whatever...I'd go all poker face on the situation and not really have much to say and be pretty unreachable. Of course those arguments would become something else entirely. We would argue with our actions rather than our words. I don't mean we physically fought, but we kinda treated each other like shit for a good long while...like 10 years, but who's counting? That's in the past and we've come a long way since then thank goodness.

My perp, who was an adult trying to shape and re-create me in his own image over the course of way too many years, would constantly be giving me "life lessons" if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, we could spend far too much time together, but that's not the point. Anyway, he would really get on my case (strange how I start to use a late 70s phrase when talking about it!) it felt like all the time and often really in a mean way. I think what I've been doing is anytime my wife has had a disagreement with me or whatever that I as any way perceived as an attack, man I would turn that shit off. Then I began to counter at one point, and it should have been a warning signal when probably about 13 years ago now, I can now really remember thinking this..OK I've had it enough I'm not going to take his(I thought my perps name) shit anymore-uh, I mean her shit any more. I just decided later on, well he treated me like crap and she's treating me like crap it's only natural I'd see it that same...except it wasn't. Sorry I'm rambling away.

Thanks for responding...since we're real close in age (me 1964) and I remember you referring to your wife from some other post, so we've got that in common to... maybe we'll find other parallels in our recovery even though our path to it has surely been different. Thanks for helping with mine.

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#298358 - 08/07/09 11:45 AM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: sono]
jacobtk Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/08/03
Posts: 527
I never identified with Spock, but I have been called him as an insult before. My reply was, "Spock has emotions. I don't."

I preferred Batman from the 1990s Animated Series. He always seemed in control and did not allow difficult situations to get the best of him. He put on a face to fit into society during the day, but he was himself once he put on the mask. It was sort of an odd thing that felt right to me. Of course, I am nowhere near as smart, as fit or as wealthy as him, nor do I think I will me anytime soon.

_________________________
Every day I die again, and again Iím reborn/Every day I have to find the courage/To walk out into the street/With arms out/Got a love you canít defeat/Neither down nor out/Thereís nothing you have that I need/I can breathe/Breathe now - U2

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#298431 - 08/08/09 12:44 AM Re: Spock as role model?? got your own? [Re: king tut]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: king tut
Originally Posted By: sono
I recently saw that episode of TNG in which a little boy whose parents have been killed tries to emulate Data so he wouldn't have to feel anything. I got it!


I saw that episode too (after i had already taken Data as a kind of role model of course- but unlike that episode i found my admiration of Data useful for those long and tedious nights of maths homework where you had to tell yourself to be obedient and unfeeling and also convince yourself that you are capable).

It really was strange seeing that the writer had somehow managed to pick up on this feeling which i guess many people must have felt. I am quite convinced that the writer understood more about that dynamic than spoken. How that kid moves his head robotically side to side and says that his movements are only approximations of human movements. How he falls asleep with data whilst painting because actually he is just a boy and does need sleep. The episode is called "Hero Worship" and i recommend it.


I also watched this to see what all the fuss was about!

I have to say it really grabbed me! I was in tears. My T has told me that I had "depersonalization disorder". Although I think my case of it has grown much better over the years and with counseling, this movie really helped me to realize what depersonalization disorder is - on an emotional level. The boy in this movie had it. What this means to me is that he felt he had done something really terrible! He hated himself deeply. To deal with it he had to become someone else. He had to be someone who had not been through his trauma. He emulated Data who was to be his new identity. Later, the boy started to heal when he was assured that it was not his fault.

Likewise in my case, the horrible abuse I experienced in pufferfish story part 5 left me with depersonalization disorder. That means I had a deep hatred and rejection of myself. In my case, when I was 12, I didn't have a learning psychologist and Mr. Data to help me out, so it has been a very long hard climb out of that pit.

How did the author of the Star Trek series know enough to put this kind of insight into the production? Or maybe it's coincidence that I see something there which wasn't fully intended.

If anybody else is interested in seeing this, it is found in the Star Trek series, The New Generation (=TNG) produced in 1992. This episode, called Hero Worship, is found on the Third Disk in the series. I got it from Netflix. The boy actor was Joshua Harris.

Going on from there we have to learn to feel emotions again. If we are like Mr. Data, we will miss much in life because we have blocked off our emotions. But before we can learn to feel emotions again, we have to deal with a lot of the bad emotions which get us so tangled up.

Allen

pufferfish (puffing again whistle )


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