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#297247 - 07/29/09 02:36 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: roadrunner]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Larry,


Thank you so very much for this. It really helped. I think what is partly troubling me is that so many places and so many perps and so many situations happened that it boggles my mind as the adult looking back at how this could take place for so lond and nothing ever be done about it. I know this is not helpful thinking but it is there eating at me none the less.

I keep hedging the why me question which is no good too.

Thank you so much for your support.

Peace my friend.

Shaun


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#297248 - 07/29/09 02:48 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Casmir213]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Dear Rocco,
I reread what I have written and think you may be right on the self-blame. Though that was not the intent of my question. I can recognize a bit of this within me. You are dead on with the nuclear family and my parents and their neglect and abuse. I did not want to be home it was not a safe place to be. This fact alone meant I stayed away from home and any child with that much time alone unwatched uncared for is vulernable and increases likelihood of victimization.

I remember being stressed out that one perp would find out about the other or I needed to be at two places at once and how was I suppose to explain why I was late or didn't make it. Crazy now to look at this but it was my reality then.

Also, I am trying to apply today's society with then there wre no protection then, there was no help available male victims were not accepted. Yet a part of me is like how could so many different people hurt me for so long and no one do anything about it. Again not healthy questions but they exist none the less.

I really appreciate the feed back and support. Thank you very much

Peace my friend.
Shaun


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#297341 - 07/29/09 06:44 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
Shaun,

Yes, I see what you're saying when you keep asking yourself the question of how could so many people have hurt you for so long without any help whatsoever from anyone. It's a question that any child, during any period of time, and in any society would be consumed with given what you went through. Although we can see the logic of why people didn't help you during the early 70's, and answer the question that way, the question still remains, because when looked at from the perspective of someone who has every right in the world to ask it, it takes on a totally different meaning when seen from this subjective point of view.

To me, your question is more of a rhetorical one than it is a literal one, in that it speaks volumes about the pain and injustice of what you went through. It seems to be along the lines of other questions that survivors ask, like "How could this have happened to me?" or "Why me?" These questions begin to express the deep pain of what we survivors have been through. I think they will remain with us until we resolve some or most of that pain.

You mentioned earlier in this thread about not being able to focus on one sexual abuse incident enough to be able to resolve it in therapy, because everything seems to overlap (both now and in the past). This makes perfect sense to me given the amount of abuse you've been through as a child and the difficulties in working on things in therapy. Perhaps you can find some commonalities that underlie all of the abuse that happened to you, so that you can begin to focus your attention better in therapy. You mentioned how no place was a safe place for you while growing up. Maybe focusing on this question or on how you may possibly still blame yourself for all of the abuse that happened to you. These aspects of your experiences back then seem to encompass all of your abuse, not just one or two incidents/perps.

My best to you Shaun in your recovery,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#297361 - 07/29/09 09:19 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
MJinMirror1 Offline


Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 4
Loc: Northern Cali (Bay Area)
To you all I bid you hello. I just joined this site. Been searching for this place for a long while. As for multiples, 3 in all(of true consequence) for me. A sibling at age 5, A sadistic bully from age 11-14 (he instilled some unique traits), and finally a half bully/half buddy (he kept others off me who were more violent - but that came at a price). Anything after 15 was for the most part consensual. Well, after acting out with my mother, I guess being sent away from home to live in a group home with 40 other boys (for 4 years) might not have been so good. Ah, the memories. Well at 48, on the surface things are great. But as I type I am still on a good one. And the chemical reaction brings back such vivid memories. And I don't even need company! You should see what is done! Ya wanna talk about nasty - self inflicted. Nothing like that dirty cheap whore feeling. And the original sinners faces dance merrily in my head as I self abuse. I don't need external stimulation. Every mental entry, real or imagined has been mentally recorded, for posterity's sake I guess. I can be good for a year, even two, but eventually... - From what I've read so far from these posts I guess I'm not alone.



Edited by MJinMirror1 (07/29/09 10:31 PM)
Edit Reason: more detail
_________________________
Geoff

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#297454 - 07/30/09 01:15 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Yo!

I have been victimized by two perps when I was a child. Actually, its to my understanding that many survivors have more than one perp. Once a child is abused like that, they begin to feel different and percieve things differently. Their nature can become more submissive and vulnerable because their boundaries have been infiltrated. Now, other perps can sense this and look for vulnerable children who have the mentality, and lack of protection that allows them to carry out their abuse. Sort of like a dog sensing fear on a human and they engage their enemy.

However, the good thing is that you are an adult now and you are much more powerful now and you can take your power back from everyone of the perps that hurt you.

Peace,
Jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#297522 - 07/31/09 12:28 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: endlessjourney]
garr Offline


Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 44
I've always had an issue with thinking about this. I had one main abuser that I remember very well. That was my babysitter between the ages of about 8-10 or 11. I have a lot of very vivid memories from her. But I also had one from when I was younger and living in a different city. I must have been only 4 or 5. The memories are no where near as vivid. It's really only two small, very brief memories, but I have no doubt that it happened. Of course, then I also had one male abuser who was a couple of years older than me. That was also very brief and I certainly didn't enjoy that like I "enjoyed" the others.

_________________________
"The day that you stop running is the day that you arrive" - Morcheeba (Enjoy the Ride)

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#297528 - 07/31/09 01:08 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
Pisces Offline


Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 25
Loc: California
Hi Shaun,

I normally post on the FF side but in reading your thread I just wanted to take a moment to express a few things. First and foremost, I am sorry for what you had to go through.

But I just wanted to reiterate what I am sure, and hope, you have been told many times over....it was not your fault..you were a child...they were wrong. I see you say several times over "hey vulnerable kid here, use as you like" etc. Sadly, these sick individuals capitalize on vulerability and when they see a child who's "parents" are maybe detached or dyfunctional that is where they prey. My point being said, there is nothing you did or didnt do to be "vulnerable"...THEY took advantage of you. This is THEIR bad and THEIR responsiblility.

I know some days are harder than others, but believe in you and know that it wasnt your fault.

I hope I have not offended you or crossed a line here.

Take care of yourself,

Pisces


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