Hi Tim.

I have already PM'D you on this. But I'll put it out here a bit differently.

My/our Catholic religion, sure keeps us as victims. Like you say they have no room for masturbaters, they have no room for homosexual acts, no room for anyone marrying outside of the church nor anyone marrying a divorcee. And certainally not for any same sex marriages.

Over the years I have also had about a billion Our Fathers & Hail Mary's to say as pennance for my sins. When I still then believed.

Yep! I was taught the same values as you.

But my "mom" was Catholic, my Ralph was Catholic, and I don't know about those strangers, Known but to God.

But we were also taught that we were the children of God.
That he was all knowing, all caring and all loving.
But where was he then for us boys?

I've gotten myself into a few of those homosexual situations.

As last as within the last few months. And with a cousin, whom I let seduce me, as big Pete went back 55+ years thinking about those sexual pleasures that my Ralph gave to me, as he loved me. And this cousin loved me too. I thought about what we did, in shame too and disgust in letting me enjoy and wanting what he offered to me.
To put it rather bluntly, I was thinking with my penis, and not my brain. Yep! those smells are about the same. Once again I was dirty, I felt useless and worthless again as I suely jeapordised my recovery, and my very soul again.

But I'm sure that God and His Blessed Mother, must have a big and merciful heart in dealing with us lost Catholic boys and men, whom were sexually abused as boys.

IF not then I'll be condemed to hell, to be with my sexual agressors, "mom" Ralph and those strangers. Fresh meat all over again, forever into eternity.

However I made a deal with God & HIS Mother, back in Georgia, and that WOR. If God gave me back little Pete, I would give up my compulsive masturbation, and I would become closer to HIM.

I got little Pete back, but it wasn't a week and I had already broken my promise of mb'ing. But I have made progress with it, at least I don't MB every day anymore, So I am trying.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight forever into eternity".

Heal well my younger fraternal brother.

Little Pete & big Pete,,but 1 (Irishmoose)

I have a problem with anything that keeps me thinking I am a victim. Sure I was abused and therefore a victim. But to keep me in the mindset of victim-ology is wrong, especially since I'm saved and forgiven. The victim mentality keeps the abuse fresh in my mind and thus a slave to the abuse. I have accepted God's gift of free salvation grace and mercy.
As since you have accepted Gods forgiveness,ask His help to stop mast. then the guilt will leave and you may find you m. less often. It is the guilt from Satan that keeps you a slave to it. It took me years to come to this truth and as soon as I did, the m. slowed and I am not doing it but once or twice a month if that often. I ask His forgiveness and then forgive me, and THEN I MOVE ON. The guilt is gone, why? If God has forgiven me who am I to not forgive me as well?
To put it more plainly quit killing yourself over a habit. Move on with your life.