Newest Members
MG5555, ShinTensei, jaklumen, Bennett, 0128
12506 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Moriji (44), Nicos (48), weharry1959 (55)
Who's Online
4 registered (MG5555, traveler, don64, 1 invisible), 12 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12506 Members
74 Forums
64203 Topics
448040 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#296929 - 07/26/09 01:00 PM focusing
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Guys.

I get distracted so easily. I know I am a good person but, I have some very negative thougths about myself (said in chat I am beating up on myself) and others. I have a difficult time knowing what to focus on.

I get involved with chaos so quickly and fall so hard. I dislike when others are upset, sarcastic, mean, rageful, angry, manipulative, etc. it to the point of losing my own identity.

I know our society is the survival of the fittest, and if I told the guy next door (figuratively speaking)what my true thoughts were He would devour me.

I live alone which is good. I do for myself most of the time. I am struggling with being alone.

How do you stay focused? When the tough gets going how do you maintain? When others are mad, or being sarcastic what do you do? I get so panicky when my friends are mad or sarcastic.

What do you do when "things" get tough here?

I mean well but, I admit I am naive and somewhat dense when it comes to understanding the written word.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

Top
#296980 - 07/26/09 11:34 PM Re: focusing [Re: DJsport]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
DJ,

I know what you mean about getting distracted easily. I think that is way I thrive so much in jobs that keep me busy 24/7 - I don't have time to get distracted by details or projects... or my own thoughts.

Having negative thoughts about yourself is not uncommon in the general population, but is almost universal among survivors. You've probably heard this a million times, but once you have learned to discount such thoughts as absurd, they will lose their power and eventually become faint echoes and you will be able to completely ignore them. But the quesiton is, how to you occupy yourself to help ignore these thoughts and learn to discount them.

Your first question is: what do I focus on. Honestly, I found that until I was able to put recovery first and foremost, it didn't work. So, what parts of your therapy can you focus on? Books to read? Assignments to work on? Projects or activities you can do to be in contact with your little self and to care for and nurture him? Journaling?

Another thing you can focus on is caring for yourself physically. As you begin to nurture yourself emotionally and get back in touch with yourself, what can you do to get more healthy? Dietary changes? Fitness?

Taking care of yourself should be your primary focus, and if you feel like you are losing your focus, go back to this first.

I know when I first came to the web site, members who were having anger problems, or problems with self censorship, really set me off. They would trigger things in me I hadn't discovered for myself and it made coming to the site very difficult. What worked for me was:

1) Meeting friends in the treehouse. We built a group called the treehouse gang that would chat in the treehouse so we wouldn't have to deal with the issues of other members in the Lounge. We also kept to ourselves and well known other members in the discussion boards to avoid getting triggered.

2) Take breaks from the site. Don't spent all your time on the site. If you are getting sucked into other's problems or triggered by their anger or issues, set time limits to your visits to the site so you can keep yourself to the business at hand and checking your specific posts or healing circle or messages and don't have time to browse and be exposed to other things going on upon the site.

I also like to meditate. It releaves stress, helps me refocus, and allows me to let go of the confusion, anger, skitishness, etc. It recenters me. Check out Jon Kabat-Zinn (Where Ever You Go, There You Are). It's a great introduction to meditation. Another book (reading helps me too) is Radical Acceptance by Tara Bach.

Something else that helped me is to remind myself that those emotions are the other person's, not mine. So if they are mad, sarcastic, etc., I don't have to feel that way too. They feel that way and they are allowed to. I don't feel that way and I'm allowed to. I can't control their emotions, nor am I the reason for their emotions. That is their problem. I'll worry about mine.

Don't know if any of this will help you DJ, but there are some things. (Hope it makes sense - kind of a stream of consciousness thing going on here...).

Peace and love...

Michael


Top
#297021 - 07/27/09 02:03 PM Re: focusing [Re: M3]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Michael.

OMG - thanks so much for your feedback.

I do spend a lot of time here especially when I am at home. I am living on my own for the first time in 10 years except for a short time last year that ended badly.

Your suggestion of setting time limits and using the tree house is great.

Plus learning how to handle others messes by not getting involved period is powerful.

I will refer to what you stated above for along time.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

Top
#298301 - 08/06/09 10:30 PM Re: focusing [Re: DJsport]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Glad to be of some assistance. Plus, you can always stop by on Sunday nights for the Healing Circle.

Peace and love...

Michael


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.