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#296676 - 07/24/09 05:04 PM A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP?
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Hi guys,

I was just wondering how common an occurance it is within our community of brothers here to have been abused by more than one perp at the same time period. For example while I was being abused by my teacher, I was also being abused by a coach, and a couple of other people. To my knowledge these perps did not know one another. They abused me seperately but during the spring summer of that year I had abuse occuring by multiple perps in different settings if this is making any sense.

I know that revictimization is not uncommon it just makes me wonder why or how I was experiencing the molestations, rapes in different situations it feels like I had this big neon sign saying vulernable child here do your will.

I guess part of me too is confronting that "no place" seemed safe if I was not getting it in school then at home or with the coach or whatever. I think this has made processing, recalling and confronting the issues for me difficult. They are seperate but overlap periods in my life and "hate" this word but 'dealing' with one set of issues, opens up the others. Managing emotional and or psychological resources to have to do the work of recovery has been an overwhelming challenge for me.

If you are able to relate to the mumble jumbo above and can find some feedback it would be helpful.

Thank you my brothers.

Peace my friends,
Shaun


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#296689 - 07/24/09 06:50 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Shaun,
I too experienced this from multiple perps. The main one was my Father. Others jumped in and I do suspect that one or two may have known about my dad now that I look back but others I am sure did not. It made me wonder of there was something I did, or some way I acted, or dressed or talked that told them I was ok for this sort of thing. I felt many times lying on the bed or ground that I must have some unseen target painted on me that everyone saw but me.




Edited by Freedom49 (07/24/09 06:51 PM)

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#296699 - 07/24/09 07:20 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Freedom49]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2588
5 perps in all for me (well... that's I've remember. Good reason to think there's at least 1 more...) First 3 were all from the same family, so I guess it doesn't really apply to your thread, but during that time an older girl (5 or so years older and I was around 8) abused me as well. I never wondered about having a "sign" until I started digging into all this and then did wonder.

It seems to be common for someone to have multiple perps. DOn't know why that is. But it hurts non the less.


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#296722 - 07/24/09 09:28 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
christianfather Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 116
Loc: TN
I had multiple perps and they all knew one another. For years two of them were constant. I was their toy.


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#296742 - 07/25/09 12:42 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: christianfather]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I had 11 different perps. I don't think that any of them knew each other. Between the age of 8 and 10 I was molested by a guy who babysat who was maybe 19 or 20. He was the son of a friend of my parent's. During his time babysitting I was also abused at a Summer camp. And between age 12 and 14 I suffered several incidents of violent molestation at the hands of a former Vietnam-era Marine during the same time period when the guy next door molested me a couple of times.

What led to my early victimization was the fact that my parents were very trusting and allowed me out of their sight for extended periods when I was only 6-7 years old. My first incident of victimization occurred when I was left alone with a kid who was a year older than I was when I was just age 6, while his parents and mine went grocery shopping. My dad also had an ongoing problem with controlling his anger and being violent on occasion. Once we have been abused we begin to exhibit symptoms that an experienced perp can easily pick-up. Often we have issues with being social like the unaffected kids, often we have issues with eye-contact that gives us away, often we cringe when we are touched or grabbed, etc. The problem in my case was an ongoing lack of parental supervision with an absentee and often angry or violent father, along with my parent's penchant to blindly trust anyone from their oddball church to babysit. What is a Vietnam-era active-duty Marine home on leave doing babysitting a 12 year-old boy in 1970? He was from our church, of course, and that is the sole reason why he was there!!!

And after my mom didn't believe me and assaulted me because I was allegedly "lying" about one of her church friends, my occasional pot problem became a full-blown addiction to hard drugs. I dropped-out of high school and hung around with a crowd of other abuse victims trying really hard to see how high that we could get. What followed was my most violent series of abusive incidents. I tried so hard to appear outwardly tough and over and over my perps kept figuring-out who was the most likely to get abused again. It was all of the symptoms of my abuse that gave me away, symptoms that my parents didn't notice. (See ABUSED BOYS, pg 50 for a list of symptoms of CSA that parents miss).

Yes, working through all of the recovery issues can be a challenging and tough thing to stick with. But trying to cover-up what happened not deal with it is a dead-end street. Once you have begun to deal with your shame and you are starting to recover your lost self-esteem, you will be able to begin to take chances that lead way from the isolation where you have been. Hope that your journey through recovery is a lot easier than mine was, and remember, together we can find our freedom.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#296750 - 07/25/09 06:53 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Trucker51]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
When I saw the title for this topic, my first thought was "is that literally at the same time?" Sinse for me during secondary school, abuse and humiliation occurred almost exclusively with at least three, sometimes as many as six people at once. I'd never considdered it rape until my mum almost casually made the connection some years later, but now I'd say it was probably as close to gang rape as six girls can do to a boy, ---- and that's aside from the physical violence and humiliations I experienced at the hands of boys.

Just a different take.

I did have one other perp technically, but I think had things at secondary school gone the way they did go, I wouldn't even bother about it.

It was my 18 year old cousin at the time who was baby sitting me when i was 8, got me to lie down with him and play games where he exposed himself and I touched him.

I was never physically forced, and he never touched me. In fact some how (I don't remember how), my parents found out what he'd been doing, just told me that he'd been being silly and left it at that, ---- though i was never left alone with him again.

It's odd, sinse what happened three years later at secondary school is what concerns me much more, but I'd never even considdered the significance of the earlier business with my cousin, or even whether it had any on what happened later.


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#297057 - 07/27/09 08:28 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: dark empathy]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Thank you for allowing me to validate your experience from one brother on this journey to another. I am srry that you had to endure and suffer any of your truama my friend. As hard as it is to understand how 1 person could do that to us is hard but to know many did and witnessed and participated while others was doing it blows my mind. I cannot witness anyone suffer without being called into action.

Thank you for your support and in replying. You are appreciated.

I bid you peace,
Shaun


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#297060 - 07/27/09 08:35 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Freedom49]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
yes it is this target thing that bothers me. I worked very hard at being under the radar, avoiding people especially adults. I practiced well being a "non-existance" was good at it yet so many people found me to victimize. I had occurances where there was more than one perp abusing me during a molestation and rape. However, what I was trying to address was that in June of 1972 I had three unrelated instances of abuse occuring then by perps who as far as I know were not aware others were also using abusing me.

I was a sucker for positive attention true. But how did they decide I was the guy. Was I shouting out to the world "hey vulernable kid here your's for the taking"?

I think this is disturbing me the most.

Thank you for your feed back.

Peace my friend.

Shaun


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#297061 - 07/27/09 08:40 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: christianfather]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
I am sorry that you are here my friend though I support you and welcome your friendship. Some of my perps knew one another, others passed me from one to another. Yet what troubles me is that others I don't think knew I was being abused by others during the same period they were abusing me bothers me. I wonder if I had some big sign saying to the world " hey, vulernable kid here, use as you like".

Thank you for your feedback it helps.

Peace my friend,
Shaun


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#297067 - 07/27/09 08:50 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Trucker51]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Hi Mark,

Your reply saddens me to have to hear that you suffered so much from so many. Thank you for sharing this with me. I am sending you out (((safe hugs))).

I had verbally, physically abusive (with sexual undertones) neglectful parents. Home was never a safe place to be and I dreaded it. I doubt unfortunately my parents would have cared if they knew and I think they knew some of it, they would not support my efforts to recover now. Yes, their actions are contributors to creating situations which allowed me to be molested, exploited, and abused. I know how vulernable I was for any attention I know all too well what I was willing to do to get it. "I was willing" as if a kid can consent to the shit that I went through-give me a break. However, I would have endured it forever to have known someone cared, someone loved me that I belonged somewhere to someone. This is the real destruction done to me-they abandoned me all of them, my parents, my perps all of them how could they do that to me.

So much pain.

Thank you for your support it means a lot.

Peace my friend.
Shaun


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#297075 - 07/27/09 09:16 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
Five that I know of here - Dad was my first and most consistent abuser. He later met with two other men and basically exchanged me to them for another boy. I didn't recognize the men or the other boy and didn't recognize the place he took me to for that abuse. I remember one other man I don't know but I can't even remember his face, just what he told while he was abusing me. Lastly was my older brother. Start to finish from when I was 5 years and 12 or 13 years old.

I've always felt that perps had some kind of perp-victim radar and that they could determine through grooming which children would be easiest to abuse. That having been said, only my Dad and maybe to some extent my brother in his early teen years ever groomed me for abuse.

Just wanted to add my two cents about being a survivor of multiple abusers.

Heal well and always,

_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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#297076 - 07/27/09 09:18 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
Yes it is not unusual to have more than one perpetrator. Sometimes this may be because if you have been abused once this makes you more vulnerable to being abused again. It is not really a sign in my opinion, not so boldly, i wouldn't agree if you suggested that an abused boy has a neon sign on him, another sign that may suggest vulnerability, sure, i would agree with that. We may sometimes feel like we have neon signs on us, but rarely can other people see that.

Sometimes perpetrators can see within a child their need for something. Often a perpetrator sees a childs need for a father figure or a need for friendship and decides to target that child. Sometimes a perpetrator first sees the childs physical attributes and targets the child in other ways. Other times perpetrators target a child simply out of convenience. It isn't far fetched for multiple people to see a child in need and to take advantage of that need, or simply that vulnerability or quietness.

Other times it may be because the perpetrators, even if they are not in allegiance, know of eachother, and suspect eachothers activities. Remember that sometimes also paedophiles operate in subtle groups, and unless directly told there is no way for a child to know that they are operating together, until it becomes more obvious.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#297079 - 07/27/09 09:33 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
JDV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 311
Shaun,

I said the below in a discussion of this very same question. I had four abusers and still imagine I had a sign on my forehead that said "please abuse me" but I think the below is probably more likely than me having a sign... though perhaps less easy to deal with:

"The more we were abused the more damage was done to our boundaries. That is, we were taught not to have boundries or that our boundaries didn't matter. The next perp was able to exploit that existing vulnerability. In doing so, they created even deeper boundary problems for us. It wasn't our fault, but we may have been especially appealing to the subsequent perps because they sensed our vulnerability.

I think on MS "boundary issues" carries a negative conotation. But in this context, I think it's an accurate de>
_________________________
-- Sent from mobile device --
My Story Parts One, Two and Three of Four

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#297183 - 07/28/09 06:11 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Survivinguy]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Thank you for your two cents much appreciated. I have gathered then from all the replies that I am unfortunately not in some rare species where this just seemed to happen to me. I feel that it is like you say-unnerving that they is this radar thing out there.

Peace my friend,
Shaun


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#297184 - 07/28/09 06:17 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: king tut]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Thank you very much. I had not considered this and it was very reassuring to hear. It I guess is hard as the adult survivor living today to make sense of the dynamics which took place back then. I have to for instance remember then was not today. Then did not have laws, trained professionals or a permissive and accepting society to support me coming forward much of my re-victimazation was influenced by this. As well as the points you helpfully provided.

Thank you very much for your feedback.

Peace my friend,
Shaun


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#297185 - 07/28/09 06:25 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: JDV]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Jamie,

Thank you for that powerful feedback it helps to clarify things for me. I think you are right on the money so to speak with the boundary issue. I klnow that I had no boundaries as a child of neglect, physical, emotional abuse with sexual undertones to the ritualistic aspects of the physical abuse at home. Home was not a safe place. So I stayed away from home. I was a lonely kid desperate for attention. I was an open and easy target and as you said after the first perp and abuse the acts became in a sense "the price" to get my emotional and psychological needs met. I was exploited in the trust department as much as you say in the sexual molestation abuse department.

It explains a lot why it is the sense of hurt and betrayal at being tossed aside by the perps once they got what they wanted from me that has damaged me as well as the sexual trauma, abuse.

Thank you so much for your feedback.

Peace my friend.
Shaun


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#297186 - 07/28/09 06:38 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Shaun,

When abusers in prison or mandatory therapy are asked why they abused a particular boy, the answer they most often give is that the boy was accessible to them. Beyond that, there is probably the factor that a boy who is already being hurt may feel that his needs won't be met if he asks for help, that he will be blamed if he tells, that he doesn't deserve for good things to happen in his life, that he isn't worth better treatment, and so on. So my thought here is that an abuser with access to several boys would probably zero in on the one who strikes him as the most vulnerable target.

But what we need to keep telling ourselves is that it cannot ever be the boy's fault if the acts of one abuser set him him up for further victimization by others. All this is still the fault of the abusers, even if, naturally enough, the boy feels like an "abuse magnet" and wonders if something about him is attracting the attention of predators.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#297197 - 07/28/09 08:27 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: roadrunner]
Hopeful1 Offline


Registered: 07/22/09
Posts: 18
Loc: Pacific Northwest
In junior high I was picked on a lot. One kid told me flat out that he picked on me because he knew I wouldn't fight back. I've crossed paths with more than one person like that since then.

I am constantly afraid that I'm going to do something wrong which will trigger some unknown traumatic event. I am trying to work through this fear by doing as Larry said, telling myself that I didn't make so and so from my past do whatever they did. It wasn't anything I did that caused it. They may have seen someone who wouldn't fight back, but they chose their behavior because that's who they were. Nothing I did triggered it.

_________________________
Now hope that is seen is not hope, For who hopes for what he sees? (Rom. 8:24)

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#297217 - 07/28/09 10:44 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
Shaun,

I just wanted to chime in here because I think I detect a slight self-blaming on your part. When you talk about having a sign on you as a child that said "Hey vulnerable child here, use as you like" it sounds like you think (now as an adult) that you were actually inviting people to come along and abuse you when you were a child. It seems like you're looking back at that little child and seeing him as someone who was "asking" for more abuse. Can you see how this could be viewed as self-blaming?

You do recognize that you were craving attention as a child, and that there was a huge void in your life as a result of not getting that attention that all children need and deserve to have. I would just like to add that there is a huge difference between "craving attention" and "inviting abuse". I hope you can see the very important distinction. There are all kinds of non-abusive ways that a healthy adult can choose from to show an attention craving child that they are cared about, in order to have the message conveyed to them that they are of value. I recognize, however, that abusers are far from being healthy adults.

If it is the case that you are blaming yourself, and that it has something to do with you having been an attention craving child in the first place, then this points back to your parental upbringing, as you may already recognized. You see that your attention craving as a child stems from your nuclear family and how you were not given enough positive attention from your parents. Here is where the child will naturally blame him or herself for their parents neglect and abuse of them. I've read again and again from experienced and knowledgeable sources how a child will always self-blame for a parent's maltreatment of them. I think it is part of recovery to acknowledge as adults that it is a child's reasoning that comes to that inevitable conclusion that it is the child's fault they were abused or neglected in some way.

My best to you in your recovery,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#297241 - 07/29/09 12:56 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2450
Loc: TEXAS
Hi Shaun.

From the best that I can remember, I had about six that I can remember.
First and foremost was my "mother", sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally. Didn't recollect a father at all.
So this "friend" of the family, who had already known about what I was going through with my "mom". Got me in his confidence about loving and caring for me, when nobody else ever did. So in his eyes I was the "perfect victim" easy prey as I was looking for love and someone who cared for me. And he did. And he made me feel secure. I never was ashamed or scared of him.
But being that I never wanted to be home, I was riding the Boston subways, and again here is a young boy all alone and I was approached by these men who were working for the subway system, they got me to go with them, I knew what they wanted me for and I went willingly. I did not holler, I did not try and run away and I didn't fight. But with them I was afraid, when they finished with me they gave me 50 cents for my troubles. Then and only then did I ever feel ashamed and scared. Infact I threw away the 50 cents in shame.

Yes, the price that I have paid for making my Ralph, give me pleasure, making me like it, wanting it and instigating it. Because I thought that he loved me.
Was my very soul.

Heal well my brother/friend, Shaun. Heal well.

Little Pete & big Pete. But 1 (Irishmoose)

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight forever into eternity"



Edited by petercorbett (07/29/09 01:01 AM)
Edit Reason: forgot a line.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#297247 - 07/29/09 02:36 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: roadrunner]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Larry,


Thank you so very much for this. It really helped. I think what is partly troubling me is that so many places and so many perps and so many situations happened that it boggles my mind as the adult looking back at how this could take place for so lond and nothing ever be done about it. I know this is not helpful thinking but it is there eating at me none the less.

I keep hedging the why me question which is no good too.

Thank you so much for your support.

Peace my friend.

Shaun


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#297248 - 07/29/09 02:48 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Casmir213]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Dear Rocco,
I reread what I have written and think you may be right on the self-blame. Though that was not the intent of my question. I can recognize a bit of this within me. You are dead on with the nuclear family and my parents and their neglect and abuse. I did not want to be home it was not a safe place to be. This fact alone meant I stayed away from home and any child with that much time alone unwatched uncared for is vulernable and increases likelihood of victimization.

I remember being stressed out that one perp would find out about the other or I needed to be at two places at once and how was I suppose to explain why I was late or didn't make it. Crazy now to look at this but it was my reality then.

Also, I am trying to apply today's society with then there wre no protection then, there was no help available male victims were not accepted. Yet a part of me is like how could so many different people hurt me for so long and no one do anything about it. Again not healthy questions but they exist none the less.

I really appreciate the feed back and support. Thank you very much

Peace my friend.
Shaun


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#297341 - 07/29/09 06:44 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
Shaun,

Yes, I see what you're saying when you keep asking yourself the question of how could so many people have hurt you for so long without any help whatsoever from anyone. It's a question that any child, during any period of time, and in any society would be consumed with given what you went through. Although we can see the logic of why people didn't help you during the early 70's, and answer the question that way, the question still remains, because when looked at from the perspective of someone who has every right in the world to ask it, it takes on a totally different meaning when seen from this subjective point of view.

To me, your question is more of a rhetorical one than it is a literal one, in that it speaks volumes about the pain and injustice of what you went through. It seems to be along the lines of other questions that survivors ask, like "How could this have happened to me?" or "Why me?" These questions begin to express the deep pain of what we survivors have been through. I think they will remain with us until we resolve some or most of that pain.

You mentioned earlier in this thread about not being able to focus on one sexual abuse incident enough to be able to resolve it in therapy, because everything seems to overlap (both now and in the past). This makes perfect sense to me given the amount of abuse you've been through as a child and the difficulties in working on things in therapy. Perhaps you can find some commonalities that underlie all of the abuse that happened to you, so that you can begin to focus your attention better in therapy. You mentioned how no place was a safe place for you while growing up. Maybe focusing on this question or on how you may possibly still blame yourself for all of the abuse that happened to you. These aspects of your experiences back then seem to encompass all of your abuse, not just one or two incidents/perps.

My best to you Shaun in your recovery,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#297361 - 07/29/09 09:19 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
MJinMirror1 Offline


Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 4
Loc: Northern Cali (Bay Area)
To you all I bid you hello. I just joined this site. Been searching for this place for a long while. As for multiples, 3 in all(of true consequence) for me. A sibling at age 5, A sadistic bully from age 11-14 (he instilled some unique traits), and finally a half bully/half buddy (he kept others off me who were more violent - but that came at a price). Anything after 15 was for the most part consensual. Well, after acting out with my mother, I guess being sent away from home to live in a group home with 40 other boys (for 4 years) might not have been so good. Ah, the memories. Well at 48, on the surface things are great. But as I type I am still on a good one. And the chemical reaction brings back such vivid memories. And I don't even need company! You should see what is done! Ya wanna talk about nasty - self inflicted. Nothing like that dirty cheap whore feeling. And the original sinners faces dance merrily in my head as I self abuse. I don't need external stimulation. Every mental entry, real or imagined has been mentally recorded, for posterity's sake I guess. I can be good for a year, even two, but eventually... - From what I've read so far from these posts I guess I'm not alone.



Edited by MJinMirror1 (07/29/09 10:31 PM)
Edit Reason: more detail
_________________________
Geoff

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#297454 - 07/30/09 01:15 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Yo!

I have been victimized by two perps when I was a child. Actually, its to my understanding that many survivors have more than one perp. Once a child is abused like that, they begin to feel different and percieve things differently. Their nature can become more submissive and vulnerable because their boundaries have been infiltrated. Now, other perps can sense this and look for vulnerable children who have the mentality, and lack of protection that allows them to carry out their abuse. Sort of like a dog sensing fear on a human and they engage their enemy.

However, the good thing is that you are an adult now and you are much more powerful now and you can take your power back from everyone of the perps that hurt you.

Peace,
Jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#297522 - 07/31/09 12:28 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: endlessjourney]
garr Offline


Registered: 07/29/09
Posts: 44
I've always had an issue with thinking about this. I had one main abuser that I remember very well. That was my babysitter between the ages of about 8-10 or 11. I have a lot of very vivid memories from her. But I also had one from when I was younger and living in a different city. I must have been only 4 or 5. The memories are no where near as vivid. It's really only two small, very brief memories, but I have no doubt that it happened. Of course, then I also had one male abuser who was a couple of years older than me. That was also very brief and I certainly didn't enjoy that like I "enjoyed" the others.

_________________________
"The day that you stop running is the day that you arrive" - Morcheeba (Enjoy the Ride)

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#297528 - 07/31/09 01:08 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
Pisces Offline


Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 25
Loc: California
Hi Shaun,

I normally post on the FF side but in reading your thread I just wanted to take a moment to express a few things. First and foremost, I am sorry for what you had to go through.

But I just wanted to reiterate what I am sure, and hope, you have been told many times over....it was not your fault..you were a child...they were wrong. I see you say several times over "hey vulnerable kid here, use as you like" etc. Sadly, these sick individuals capitalize on vulerability and when they see a child who's "parents" are maybe detached or dyfunctional that is where they prey. My point being said, there is nothing you did or didnt do to be "vulnerable"...THEY took advantage of you. This is THEIR bad and THEIR responsiblility.

I know some days are harder than others, but believe in you and know that it wasnt your fault.

I hope I have not offended you or crossed a line here.

Take care of yourself,

Pisces


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