Newest Members
lilac, The Wife Of, smusab, whiteflag, North101
12287 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cards (33), korbin2003 (39), Rosemary (53), Zebra (47)
Who's Online
4 registered (86, Cthulhu, 2 invisible), 26 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12287 Members
73 Forums
63212 Topics
442011 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#296676 - 07/24/09 05:04 PM A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP?
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Hi guys,

I was just wondering how common an occurance it is within our community of brothers here to have been abused by more than one perp at the same time period. For example while I was being abused by my teacher, I was also being abused by a coach, and a couple of other people. To my knowledge these perps did not know one another. They abused me seperately but during the spring summer of that year I had abuse occuring by multiple perps in different settings if this is making any sense.

I know that revictimization is not uncommon it just makes me wonder why or how I was experiencing the molestations, rapes in different situations it feels like I had this big neon sign saying vulernable child here do your will.

I guess part of me too is confronting that "no place" seemed safe if I was not getting it in school then at home or with the coach or whatever. I think this has made processing, recalling and confronting the issues for me difficult. They are seperate but overlap periods in my life and "hate" this word but 'dealing' with one set of issues, opens up the others. Managing emotional and or psychological resources to have to do the work of recovery has been an overwhelming challenge for me.

If you are able to relate to the mumble jumbo above and can find some feedback it would be helpful.

Thank you my brothers.

Peace my friends,
Shaun


Top
#296689 - 07/24/09 06:50 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Shaun,
I too experienced this from multiple perps. The main one was my Father. Others jumped in and I do suspect that one or two may have known about my dad now that I look back but others I am sure did not. It made me wonder of there was something I did, or some way I acted, or dressed or talked that told them I was ok for this sort of thing. I felt many times lying on the bed or ground that I must have some unseen target painted on me that everyone saw but me.




Edited by Freedom49 (07/24/09 06:51 PM)

Top
#296699 - 07/24/09 07:20 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Freedom49]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
5 perps in all for me (well... that's I've remember. Good reason to think there's at least 1 more...) First 3 were all from the same family, so I guess it doesn't really apply to your thread, but during that time an older girl (5 or so years older and I was around 8) abused me as well. I never wondered about having a "sign" until I started digging into all this and then did wonder.

It seems to be common for someone to have multiple perps. DOn't know why that is. But it hurts non the less.


Top
#296722 - 07/24/09 09:28 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: friendinneed]
christianfather Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 116
Loc: TN
I had multiple perps and they all knew one another. For years two of them were constant. I was their toy.


Top
#296742 - 07/25/09 12:42 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: christianfather]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I had 11 different perps. I don't think that any of them knew each other. Between the age of 8 and 10 I was molested by a guy who babysat who was maybe 19 or 20. He was the son of a friend of my parent's. During his time babysitting I was also abused at a Summer camp. And between age 12 and 14 I suffered several incidents of violent molestation at the hands of a former Vietnam-era Marine during the same time period when the guy next door molested me a couple of times.

What led to my early victimization was the fact that my parents were very trusting and allowed me out of their sight for extended periods when I was only 6-7 years old. My first incident of victimization occurred when I was left alone with a kid who was a year older than I was when I was just age 6, while his parents and mine went grocery shopping. My dad also had an ongoing problem with controlling his anger and being violent on occasion. Once we have been abused we begin to exhibit symptoms that an experienced perp can easily pick-up. Often we have issues with being social like the unaffected kids, often we have issues with eye-contact that gives us away, often we cringe when we are touched or grabbed, etc. The problem in my case was an ongoing lack of parental supervision with an absentee and often angry or violent father, along with my parent's penchant to blindly trust anyone from their oddball church to babysit. What is a Vietnam-era active-duty Marine home on leave doing babysitting a 12 year-old boy in 1970? He was from our church, of course, and that is the sole reason why he was there!!!

And after my mom didn't believe me and assaulted me because I was allegedly "lying" about one of her church friends, my occasional pot problem became a full-blown addiction to hard drugs. I dropped-out of high school and hung around with a crowd of other abuse victims trying really hard to see how high that we could get. What followed was my most violent series of abusive incidents. I tried so hard to appear outwardly tough and over and over my perps kept figuring-out who was the most likely to get abused again. It was all of the symptoms of my abuse that gave me away, symptoms that my parents didn't notice. (See ABUSED BOYS, pg 50 for a list of symptoms of CSA that parents miss).

Yes, working through all of the recovery issues can be a challenging and tough thing to stick with. But trying to cover-up what happened not deal with it is a dead-end street. Once you have begun to deal with your shame and you are starting to recover your lost self-esteem, you will be able to begin to take chances that lead way from the isolation where you have been. Hope that your journey through recovery is a lot easier than mine was, and remember, together we can find our freedom.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#296750 - 07/25/09 06:53 AM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Trucker51]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1936
Loc: durham, north england
When I saw the title for this topic, my first thought was "is that literally at the same time?" Sinse for me during secondary school, abuse and humiliation occurred almost exclusively with at least three, sometimes as many as six people at once. I'd never considdered it rape until my mum almost casually made the connection some years later, but now I'd say it was probably as close to gang rape as six girls can do to a boy, ---- and that's aside from the physical violence and humiliations I experienced at the hands of boys.

Just a different take.

I did have one other perp technically, but I think had things at secondary school gone the way they did go, I wouldn't even bother about it.

It was my 18 year old cousin at the time who was baby sitting me when i was 8, got me to lie down with him and play games where he exposed himself and I touched him.

I was never physically forced, and he never touched me. In fact some how (I don't remember how), my parents found out what he'd been doing, just told me that he'd been being silly and left it at that, ---- though i was never left alone with him again.

It's odd, sinse what happened three years later at secondary school is what concerns me much more, but I'd never even considdered the significance of the earlier business with my cousin, or even whether it had any on what happened later.


Top
#297057 - 07/27/09 08:28 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: dark empathy]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Thank you for allowing me to validate your experience from one brother on this journey to another. I am srry that you had to endure and suffer any of your truama my friend. As hard as it is to understand how 1 person could do that to us is hard but to know many did and witnessed and participated while others was doing it blows my mind. I cannot witness anyone suffer without being called into action.

Thank you for your support and in replying. You are appreciated.

I bid you peace,
Shaun


Top
#297060 - 07/27/09 08:35 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Freedom49]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
yes it is this target thing that bothers me. I worked very hard at being under the radar, avoiding people especially adults. I practiced well being a "non-existance" was good at it yet so many people found me to victimize. I had occurances where there was more than one perp abusing me during a molestation and rape. However, what I was trying to address was that in June of 1972 I had three unrelated instances of abuse occuring then by perps who as far as I know were not aware others were also using abusing me.

I was a sucker for positive attention true. But how did they decide I was the guy. Was I shouting out to the world "hey vulernable kid here your's for the taking"?

I think this is disturbing me the most.

Thank you for your feed back.

Peace my friend.

Shaun


Top
#297061 - 07/27/09 08:40 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: christianfather]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
I am sorry that you are here my friend though I support you and welcome your friendship. Some of my perps knew one another, others passed me from one to another. Yet what troubles me is that others I don't think knew I was being abused by others during the same period they were abusing me bothers me. I wonder if I had some big sign saying to the world " hey, vulernable kid here, use as you like".

Thank you for your feedback it helps.

Peace my friend,
Shaun


Top
#297067 - 07/27/09 08:50 PM Re: A QUESTION ON BEING ABUSED BY MORE THAN 1 PERP? [Re: Trucker51]
friendinneed Offline


Registered: 06/04/09
Posts: 107
Hi Mark,

Your reply saddens me to have to hear that you suffered so much from so many. Thank you for sharing this with me. I am sending you out (((safe hugs))).

I had verbally, physically abusive (with sexual undertones) neglectful parents. Home was never a safe place to be and I dreaded it. I doubt unfortunately my parents would have cared if they knew and I think they knew some of it, they would not support my efforts to recover now. Yes, their actions are contributors to creating situations which allowed me to be molested, exploited, and abused. I know how vulernable I was for any attention I know all too well what I was willing to do to get it. "I was willing" as if a kid can consent to the shit that I went through-give me a break. However, I would have endured it forever to have known someone cared, someone loved me that I belonged somewhere to someone. This is the real destruction done to me-they abandoned me all of them, my parents, my perps all of them how could they do that to me.

So much pain.

Thank you for your support it means a lot.

Peace my friend.
Shaun


Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.