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#296511 - 07/23/09 08:43 AM Re: Fear of Marriage Commitment Stems from CSA? [Re: tupelo]
riz Offline


Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 123
(((Tupelo))) I know how hard this is. You can be selfish. Of course you want the person you love. Of course you would feel resentful and hurt. You don't have to know how to act. Nobody does when this happens. It is ok to sound angry and frustrated. You can just be however you are.

Riz


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#296527 - 07/23/09 11:36 AM Re: Fear of Marriage Commitment Stems from CSA? [Re: riz]
cstjude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Absolutely, there is no "right" way to act or an externally imposed standard of behviour to meet. You're hurting and it's just fine to be angry. It's honest. Working through it can sometimes involve remembering that anger is rooted in fear. The fear that the relationship you once relied upon might be over, the fear that he might not come back, the fear that his feelings have changed. These are profound fears and it is natural you would be angry as a result. Being honest about your fears, anger, and hurting is not weakness!

I wish I could offer you some comfort in the way of assurances, but the uncertainty is part of the gig. I can offer you my goodwill to hear you and not to judge and to support you to the extent that postings to a forum board allow.

C.

_________________________
C.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan

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#296562 - 07/23/09 04:07 PM Re: Fear of Marriage Commitment Stems from CSA? [Re: cstjude]
tupelo Offline


Registered: 07/16/09
Posts: 15
Thank you again. I received a long response from him this afternoon (to my previous email wishing him well on a weekend away with friends). He gave me an update about the progress he has made this past week. He said the mood swings are starting to calm down a little, he was prescribed sleep medicine that is helping and he met with this therapist again today. Overall, he sounded upbeat but conveyed little emotion (i.e. no "love you" etc like in the old days). He thanked me for giving him space, said he still doesn't know how it is all going to shake out, but the dust is starting to settle and it is still sinking in.

He said he would be in touch through the weekend and would like to get together next week when he gets back. I hope these are all positive signs, but from what I have been reading, etc, I can't help but think it is only temporary.

Thanks again for all of your support and advice. Even though it is still early, it has helped me so much.


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#296586 - 07/23/09 09:04 PM Re: Fear of Marriage Commitment Stems from CSA? [Re: tupelo]
cstjude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Tupelo,

He's trying. Emotions are going to feel really scary for him for a while. But he contacted you and made an effort. That is an encouraging sign.

It's going to be hard, but you'll find (I predict) some peace of mind when you let go of the "old days". What you're in now is the undiscovered country. His contacting you, proposing getting together, acnkowledging that you are giving him space - these are all positive signs, indeed.

We're here for you.

C.

_________________________
C.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan

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