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#296570 - 07/23/09 05:06 PM . [Re: Trucker51]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 07:43 PM)

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#296572 - 07/23/09 05:20 PM . [Re: bardo213]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 07:43 PM)

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#296600 - 07/23/09 11:53 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: bardo213]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO

I found this link about passive-aggressive behavior that I thought that you might look into.

Hope that this helps a little.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14713-eliminating-passive-aggressiveness/

This is from Wikipedia:

Passive-aggressiveness (negativistic personality trait) is a personality trait said to be marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations. It was listed as an Axis II personality disorder in the DSM-III-R, but was moved in the DSM-IV to Appendix B ("Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study") because of controversy and the need for further research on how to also categorize the behaviors in a future edition.

By way of explanation on that point, "Straight Dope" columnist Cecil Adams writes:

Merely being passive-aggressive isn't a disorder but a behavior sometimes a perfectly rational behavior, which lets you dodge unpleasant chores while avoiding confrontation. It's only pathological if it's a habitual, crippling response reflecting a pervasively pessimistic attitude.[1]

When the behaviors are part of a person's personality "disorder" or personality style, repercussions are not usually immediate, but instead accumulate over time as the individuals affected by the person come to recognize the disavowed aggression coming from that person. People with this personality style are often unconscious of their impact on others, and thus may be genuinely dismayed when held to account for the inconvenience or discomfort caused by their passive-aggressive behaviors.

In that context, they fail to see how they might have provoked a negative response, so they feel misunderstood, held to unreasonable standards, and/or put-upon. This starts a new negative cycle, when the passive aggressive person "defends himself" from others' perceived stringent demands and retaliates with more passivity and unconscious sabotage. Impact of this behavior in the workplace can be considerable and cause some damage, because detection and remediation take some time.

Remedying this behavior can be difficult: efforts to convince the subject that their unconscious feelings are being expressed passively, and that the passive expression of those feelings (their behavior) invokes other people's anger or disappointment with the person, are often met with resistance. Passive aggressive individuals will frequently avoid treatment claiming that there is no way to remedy it.[who?] Since the effectiveness of various therapies has yet to be proven, these individuals may be correct.

Regardless of that opinion, Martin Kantor offers a treatment approach using psychodynamic, supportive, cognitive, behavioral and interpersonal therapeutic methods. These methods apply to both the passive aggressive person and their target victim.[2]

Developmental causes

Passive aggressive disorder may stem from a specific childhood stimulus (e.g., alcohol/drug addicted parents) in an environment where it was not safe to express frustration or anger. Families in which honest expression of feelings was forbidden, tend to teach children to repress and deny their feelings and use other channels to express their frustration.

Children who sugarcoat their hostility do not grow beyond it. Never developing better coping strategies or skills sets for self-expression, they can become adults who, beneath the seductive veneer, harbor vindictive intent.[3]

History

Passive aggressive behavior was first clinically used in the context of "defying" authoritative figures. But noncompliance is not indicative of true passive aggressive behavior, which is the manifestation of repressed, self-imposed oppression of emotions based on a need for acceptance. Anger turned inwards that has no other way to heal or express itself will either turn into depression or passive aggression.

Signs of passive-aggressive behavior

The book Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man lists 11 responses that may help identify passive-aggressive behavior. [4]

* Ambiguity or speaking cryptically: a means of engendering a feeling of insecurity in others
* Chronically being late and forgetting things: another way to exert control.
* Fear of competition
* Fear of dependency
* Fear of intimacy as a means to act out anger: The passive aggressive often cannot trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone.
* Making chaotic situations
* Making excuses for non-performance in work teams
* Obstructionism
* Sulking
* Victimization response: instead of recognizing one's own weaknesses, tendency to blame others for own failures.

A passive-aggressive person may not have all of these behaviors, and may have other non-passive-aggressive traits.

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#296661 - 07/24/09 01:17 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: Trucker51]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Guys.

I am not sure I understand the "point" of this post.

When I read the original posting it sounds as if the issue was how can one tell if another is gay or straight, correct?

I know there are A LOT of explanations for various aspects of the issue. My reply is I D K which stands for I Dont Know.

But, I am thinking what does it matter. Oh sure, I have met very muscular "burly" men who sound like a girl and skinny skrony men with painted finger nails who sound as if their vocal cords are in the sewer but, I realize these are men who put on their pants just like I do. What do I care who they go to bed with unless of course I have a desire for muscle or painted finger nails.

I wanted to add my thoughts. I will go back to my sandbox now and play.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#296672 - 07/24/09 04:28 PM . [Re: DJsport]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 07:44 PM)

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#296680 - 07/24/09 05:35 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: bardo213]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Lynchmob.

I am sorry if I cut you off. I had no intention of "cutting you off".

I was trying to address or respond to just the one issue or question of Whats the difference.

It is how I think of the issue. As I read my response, I realize I was "short" in my response.

I realize now that there is more at questions that I did not respond too.

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#296738 - 07/24/09 10:51 PM . [Re: DJsport]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 07:44 PM)

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#296807 - 07/25/09 06:57 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: bardo213]
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I never really understand why straight guys try so hard to convince the world how much they are sickened by two men in love.

"I just can't see myself with another guy that just doesn't sound right to me at all, not because of society but because of my own beliefs. I love women... I have my gf and thats all that counts to me."

Plus I don't understand why an obvious straight guy is posting in a forum for those who struggle with sexual identity issues, not unless that person truly does have issues with attractions to men.

and by the way, you bring up "gaydar." i think everybody has a sense of someone's sexuality. how come straight people automatically assume someone's straight?

how can somebody be born straight? i'm gay and i've always been gay.....so i see straight people as a little strange just like straight people see us gay people as being strange. i could never imagine having sex with a woman. I LOVE MEN!

Why does there have to be a difference? why can't everybody just go about their business and accept each other for who we are HUMAN! Why is it soooo important for anyone to know or even care if their best friend is gay or straight or bi or whatever. Why do you wonder about the guy's sexuality who's kicking the can down the street? What does being gay have to do with being abused?

I was abused by a man as a little boy. I dunno if that made me gay or i was born gay, but it doesnt matter because if i have a sexual relationship with a man i'm in love with, that's NOT abuse!

I'm getting sick of fighting with the world on why i'm gay, or she's straight, or they're bi. What does it matter?

Joey


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#296889 - 07/26/09 01:28 AM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: JasonSmalls]
Hopeful1 Offline


Registered: 07/22/09
Posts: 18
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Accepting gay men as simply being men makes it easier to accept yourself. If a gay man is as good as any other man, then it's a little less scary to either feel unmanly or that you might be gay. The process of self-awareness, self-understanding and self-acceptance may not automatically follow, but it does seem a little less complicated.

_________________________
Now hope that is seen is not hope, For who hopes for what he sees? (Rom. 8:24)

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#297465 - 07/30/09 03:22 PM . [Re: Hopeful1]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 07:44 PM)

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