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#296417 - 07/22/09 04:23 PM .
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 07:43 PM)

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#296420 - 07/22/09 04:57 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: bardo213]
ModTeam Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/06
Posts: 691
Quote:
how the hell can someone be born gay? doesn't parenting roles in there child development years play a huge role on this? just as much as hereditary issues?..


Just a word of caution before this thread gets off on the wrong foot and heads down the garden path:

Quote:
Sexual Identity Issues

The issue of how to deal with sexual identity including our homosexual feelings is extremely complex – and many of us hold strong views which conflict with views held by others. In order to keep this survivor's site safe and supportive we ask that trigger issues be discussed in the ODF

Trigger Issues

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* The negative ways sexual minorities (gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgendered folks) are portrayed, perceived and treated by others in society or by the law
* Dealing with feelings about our own or other's sexual orientation


Sexual Identity Issues
many of us hold strong views which conflict with views held by others. The Sexual Identity Issues Forum is the place to discuss confused feelings about sexuality and survivor behavior problems connected with sexual feelings:

* Sexual identity confusion
* Feelings about sexual attraction to other men
* Hyper sexualization
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#296437 - 07/22/09 08:13 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: bardo213]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I'll try: PS: I have added my own punctuation here & there.

"OK guys I've been kind of struggling with something about sexuality differences". How can you tell if someone is gay straight or bi? Generally by which gender that they are attracted to.

"What qualities would you say a gay guy carries over a straight etc..?" Basically there is no real perceivable difference, except who they are attracted to.

"I'm just confused about all of this, because can't a straight guy be effiminate just as much as a gay?" Yes "Liking golf, or boxing, or war movies... etc get my drift...?" Yes, even cooking or drag-racing, for instance!!!

"In society today we tend to over look things and make assumptions way to fast, just because of what we see in the media, billboards, news, movies etc". True, we do.

"How can you just point the finger at somebody kicking a can down the street and say he's not straight no way". It is impossible to tell if someone is straight or gay if they are just kicking a can down the street

"I bet that guy kicking the can down the street would kick your ass more then you underestimating him in the long run???"

"The other thing I ponder is how the hell can someone be born gay?" How the heck can a steer be born gay? Any yet, somewhere near 10% of steers are attracted to other steers instead of cows???

"Doesn't parenting roles in there child development years play a huge role on this?" I have to go out on a limb here...I do believe that some percentage of homosexuality is learned behavior, and some percentage of it is something people are born with. Hope that what I said didn't offend anyone.

"If you could please elaborate on it that would be greatly appreciated!" I have met plenty of effeminate straight guys, and I have met gay guys who were likely tougher-appearing than anyone that you have ever met. I have met gay guys riding Harleys, and I have seen straight guys waiting tables at a truckstop in Nebraska??? I have seen gay guys jump out of perfectly good airplanes, and I have seen straight guys who were effeminate hairdressers. I even knew a couple of straight-looking gay guys who ran an accounting firm once. My point is, there is no possible way to tell if someone is gay or straight based entirely on how limp their wrists are, or how tough that they appear outwardly. And my own opinion is that if someone was born in this country, they are entitled to the same rights that everyone else is entitled to, no matter what.

Anyone have anything else to add from a non-biased perspective?

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#296442 - 07/22/09 08:39 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: Trucker51]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
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Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 04:03 AM)
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Post Nubilia Pheobus

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#296446 - 07/22/09 08:54 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: myboyhoodfears]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Oh well. you can't please everybody all the time, I guess.

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#296457 - 07/22/09 09:56 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: Trucker51]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Quote:
Anyone have anything else to add from a non-biased perspective?


Yup, but still loooove you're post truck smile

I'm a beer drinkin, hockey playin, MMA lovin, trade workin, mother...ooops sorry, I'll stop there.

But I do get ya. I hear that gays have this built in sense of other gays. I don't get it myself. I was in a class the other day with a trans, a gay and someone who iddentified as queer. They said "any gay will know what you're talking about if you use the right acronyms.

LOL, I had no idea what they were talking about.

I think maybe alot of the stuff they were talking about was the eye contact between themselves.

The problem I'm thinking, is I didn't make eye contact for 20 years.

Must be a survivor thing.

To sum it up, Hi, I'm Mike, nice to meet you. And that's it!!

SS

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Thriving

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#296460 - 07/22/09 10:05 PM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: mogigo]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2590
Mark I agree with the greater majority of your post! I saw the thread and my first fear was... .oh crap... here WE GO AGAIN!!

Yet it's not the case!!!!

I agree, there is NO way to tell. Like make, I've known guys who were straight that most would assume were gay. One fellow at my college was EXTREMELY effeminate. He even talked with a lisp. His mannerism, actions SCREAMED gay if you were judging purely on the outward appearance and actions, but you know what? He was hetero moreso than many jocks that I knew at college.

It comes down to who you're attracted to and I think even more so, why. I think some guys are attracted to guys just because they are. I think some guys are attracted to guys because they have a deep need for male bonding and companionship and somewhere along the way that need got drawn toward the sexual. Doesn't have to though. There are certainly fellows who have that deep need that have no sexual desire for guys at all. It's not a black/white cut/dry thing. Hence the reason there is so much confusion about it.

It is a very rough subject and there are feelings out that flare up instantly on the defensive when these discussions come up. I'm glad that right here right now this appears to at lease be a safe place to talk about it.


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#296513 - 07/23/09 09:22 AM . [Re: JustScott]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 07:43 PM)

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#296514 - 07/23/09 09:25 AM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: JustScott]
JDV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 311
I think part of the issue here is our desire to label people, thoughts and ideas. You must be either gay or straight (or bi, but that's still a label). I think it's helpful think of sexuality as a sliding scale with attraction for men on one side and attraction for women on the other. All of us fit somewhere in between on that scale. The most hetero of hetero guys isn't ALL they way toward the female side. Even he will have some form of "attraction" to men, even if it's just admiring a six pack or wanting to grab a drink with his buddies without women around. So, maybe youre asking the wrong question. Maybe you should leave the labeling to others and just try to understand where you fall on the vast spectrum of human sexuality without need or fear of the label that is associated with your particular place on that sliding scale. Just my two cents.

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#296528 - 07/23/09 11:46 AM Re: Whats the difference?... [Re: JDV]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
The way that I have read the history of what Lynchmob is asking, he has been the victim of some amount of name-calling over his perceived lack of masculinity at the hands of his co-workers and perhaps of some other people in his life. He lives in Wisconsin, which except for the urban areas of Milwaukee and Madison and their suburbs, tend to be fairly intolerant places over the course of my 30 years of trucking experience. Masculinity is heavily emphasized in most of Wisconsin and any lack of masculinity tends to be perceived as a weakness. Much of outlying Minnesota tends to have the same issues with an emphasis on masculinity and an intolerance of anyone different. So what he is asking here is coming from that kind of social perspective.

A simple answer for his questions is that you can't pre-judge a person's sexuality based on their level of outward masculinity. We have to try to see what is happening from his perspective to understand his line of questioning. I seriously doubt that what he was looking for was meant to disparage the gay community in any way. Yes, this question could have been a touchy subject if it was handled in an atmosphere of fear and mistrust.

So far I think that we have done a great job of keeping this discussion friendly. Thanks to everyone who participated in helping to keep this discussion safe and friendly for everyone.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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