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#295783 - 07/18/09 11:54 AM Broken Home - Need a way out
OICU812 Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 48
Loc: US
Well last night I discovered that there is no way to solve the problem that I have with my family. Yet another domestic disturbance and every day I am reduced to zero. I wish it would all stop but it never will, not as long as I am living with my parents. My dad last night called me a homosexual directly in front of the police and told me I am not worth half the problems I bring about.

I feel horrible, I feel like its all my fault. All I ever wanted was to be good person but I have failed in every respect. My parents even told me when I was younger that I ruined everything and told me yesterday that I am to blame for the destruction of my entire family.

I just can't go on like this, I can't find a reason to live when I am being threatened with violence, police and having no place to stay at night. No human being should have to put up with this [EDIT]. I cut myself, [EDIT] and everyone thinks I just want negative attention.

I have medical bills in the tens of thousands thanks to domestic violence and there is a not a damn thing I can do about it. Where is God? Why do people always beat me and get away with it? Why does my dad think of me as a worthless fagot? Why can't I get a job and move out of this hell hole? Why am I autistic? Why do my parents use my psychiatric problems against me?

Why?

What's a reason to live?



Edited by OICU812 (07/18/09 07:05 PM)
Edit Reason: Removed suicidal overtones - sry

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#295788 - 07/18/09 12:44 PM Re: Broken Home - Need a way out [Re: OICU812]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
It doesn't say where you live in the US, but our country is in the worst economic downturn that we have been in since the Great Depression back in the early and mid 1930s. There are many millions of people out-of-work all over the US. Employers who are hiring are being very selective with who they hire and you are competing for a job with lots of more-experienced people who are also looking for work. You might have to apply somewhere that you consider beneath you in order to get work until this economic downturn ends, which could yet be some time. This does not mean that you have to live with your parents if you are an adult.

How old are you? If you are at least 18 there are various County and State social services available to you that could help you get your own place, and assist you with your own medical care. Maybe it is time for you to go to the police and file a complaint against your CSA perp(s). Generally your father will get away with beating his own children unless your mother is willing to take a stand with you. Perhaps you might use some kind of hidden security camera to catch your dad in the act, which could then be used against him. It does sound like your best course of action would be to figure-out a way to get your own place or even to try to share a place with someone else.

Continuing to live in a situation where you are exposed to your parents and their lack of respect for you as a person does not sound like it is in your best interests. Once you are living apart from them you will be able to recover some respect for yourself. Not all of us are given good parents. Hope that you can figure-out a way to move into your own place and begin to find the kind of respect from other people that you deserve. You might PM Ken Singer if you would like access to our acting-out or acting-in forums, which are private. A problem with cutting yourself would be a good reason to talk to Ken.

There are plenty of reasons to live. Adult life out on your own can be a rewarding experience. Adult life is what you make of it. It involves you taking your own steps, being responsible for yourself, and going out and trying to get what you want. It involves standing-up for yourself and protecting yourself. If you have not yet looked at John Bradshaw's book THE FAMILY I think that you will find some of the answers that you are looking for about abusive families there. You deserve a better life, and once you are on your own you can find it yourself rather than depending on other people to provide it for you.

Let's try to back away from thoughts of hurting yourself and try to figure-out a way for you to begin to move toward a life free of your parents. You can feel a lot better about yourself once you are apart from them and their abuse of you. Developing healthy adult boundaries are a part of growing-up. You will have to learn to do what is best for yourself and you will have to learn how to protect yourself too.

Recovery is possible,

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#295801 - 07/18/09 03:39 PM Re: Broken Home - Need a way out [Re: Trucker51]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, OICU812

You deserve to have the best because you are a GIFT. I repeat and please repeat with me -

You are a GIFT. You are a GIFT. You are a GIFT. You are a GIFT. You are a GIFT. You are a GIFT. You are a GIFT. You are a GIFT.

There is an article about suicidal thoughts in this website in every section of topics in this discussion room that I would like for you to read at least twice.

Just reading about you above touched my heart. As you share you tell others about yourself.

I agree with Mark words above.

Take several deep breaths in and out.

If and when you can take a bath, light a candle and/or listen to soft music. Vigorous Dancing and headbanging (NOT literal headbanging) music is good for short while.

I agree with you about getting out when you can.

Do you have a therapist, councelor, priest, friends, kind family members who can help you?

I am glad your here and keep coming here as it helps to talk.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#295816 - 07/18/09 07:02 PM Re: Broken Home - Need a way out [Re: DJsport]
OICU812 Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 48
Loc: US
Originally Posted By: Trucker51
It doesn't say where you live in the US, but our country is in the worst economic downturn that we have been in since the Great Depression back in the early and mid 1930s. There are many millions of people out-of-work all over the US. Employers who are hiring are being very selective with who they hire and you are competing for a job with lots of more-experienced people who are also looking for work. You might have to apply somewhere that you consider beneath you in order to get work until this economic downturn ends, which could yet be some time. This does not mean that you have to live with your parents if you are an adult.

How old are you?


I am 19 and am in vocational rehabilitation for unemployment. Still hurts because the cops get upset that I don't have a job and I AM actually trying.

Originally Posted By: Trucker51
If you are at least 18 there are various County and State social services available to you that could help you get your own place, and assist you with your own medical care. Maybe it is time for you to go to the police and file a complaint against your CSA perp(s).


I have been to homeless shelters before. They're overfilled due to the bad economy so as soon as my parents decide they want me back they normally throw me out. One positive note thats how I got connected to vocational rehabilitation to begin with.

Originally Posted By: Trucker51
Continuing to live in a situation where you are exposed to your parents and their lack of respect for you as a person does not sound like it is in your best interests.


I hope so, it seems like the biggest problem for me is when I do enter into recovery. Guilt, fear and poor self identity leads me right back to where I started. Thus I have hospitalized three times and I just don't think I can continue this cycle.

Originally Posted By: DJsport
There is an article about suicidal thoughts in this website in every section of topics in this discussion room that I would like for you to read at least twice.


Sorry, I didn't mean to threaten suicide, its just I am in that stage when its hard to see reasons to live. I'll delete the previous references to suicide in my first post.

Originally Posted By: DJsport
Do you have a therapist, councelor, priest, friends, kind family members who can help you?


No, no, no , yes and no. I have a friend at my college, but there normally not anything she can do.


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#295824 - 07/18/09 07:46 PM Re: Broken Home - Need a way out [Re: OICU812]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Donny,

I'm really sorry to see you having such trouble these days. It seems like moving out isn't an option just yet, but one thing you can try to do is to seek the support and validation you need (we all need that!) from sources outside your family. There is such a thing as an entirely toxic person - I have a few in my own family and it helped me a lot to just write them off and stop expecting anything from them. On the other hand, I have people in my life who are just as close as blood relatives and I trust them entirely.

It's great if our family can offer the support and understanding we need, but if that's not happening we have every right to cut loose, at least emotionally, and look elsewhere.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#295947 - 07/19/09 08:10 PM Re: Broken Home - Need a way out [Re: roadrunner]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 842
Loc: Kc,Mo
you may not be able to see it but, god wants to use you. and i hate to be the one to burst your bubble , but this is really not about you at all, it is about what god wants to use you for and what he wants you to go through for his glory .

i no this is not going to be well recieved but it is the truth any how. everything you have went through and are going through is going to enable you to help others in your situation. no one wants to here something from some one who has not experienced these things for themselves. the world needs people like us to share our stories so others may have a chance.

that is why this place is so great because we can all relate to one another in some way or some how. you are strong and you are still here and i bet there are people in your life that depend on you , even if you do not see it. people that are in your life are there for a reason and with out you in there life things would not be the same. not to mention that all the people you can Positivley effect in "YOUR FUTURE" like i said before it is not about you. it is about others that you can help and others that you have not even met yet that you will meet at their crossroads. what if you are not there at the crossroads when these people will be there . they loose out and you loose out.

i no you do not feel it but you are worth allot . and god is with you keep talking to him, draw near to him and he will draw near to you. trust me , i can only say these things because i have walked in your shoes and allot of others here have walked and are still walking in your shoes. god loves you and so do we here at MS. we are all here for one another at each others crossroads. FEELS GREAT doesn't ?

god bless you man do not look at your situations and circumstances like this is it. because there is so much more than your present situations and circumstances . been there done that , there is a light at the end of the tunnel , just because you can not see it yet does not mean it is not there.

go check out
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=294770#Post294770

this is what i am talking about!!!!



Edited by nltsaved (07/19/09 08:20 PM)
Edit Reason: "crossroads"
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#296011 - 07/20/09 01:08 AM Re: Broken Home - Need a way out [Re: OICU812]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Hello,

After discussing this thread in the moderator forum we determined a more appropriate place for it is the Spirituality Forum.

Topics relating to the god relationship/connection as stipulated in the guidelines are to be reserved for the Spirituality or Open forum out of respect for those who avoid that particular forum because they would be triggered by its content due to having been violated [emotionally, spiritually or sexually] by representatives of religious institutions or ideologies.

People who want to read responses in this vein would be more receptive to them there and are less likely to be triggered by 'god' talk in an area reserved especially for it, or where it is more likely to appear, such as the Open Forum. Since the original post raised the question "Where is God", the Spirituality Forum has been chosen over the Open Forum.

Thank you for your understanding.

Sans Logos
for the Moderator Team



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