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#294981 - 07/11/09 06:52 PM Why I'm Married.....
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
I've come to realize that the only reason I managed to get married (and believe me I did want to get married) is because the woman who was to become my wife wouldn't go away.

Oh I tried to hide and withdraw (especially the first time I really really realized she liked me), but she wouldn't give up. I'd hide at lunch (we were in college) and she's track me down. She'd know I just wanted to be alone, but wouldn't go away.

She does this with people, (It's not a bad thing and I don't want it to sound that way) and as such, all her main friends etc are abuse victims interestingly enough. She like attracts them like flies to sugar water. I really think it is because she isn't deterred by all our attempts to hide and push away and what not. I think that part speaks into our hearts and touches that spot that just wants to be loved.

Truly, if she hadn't done so, I'd still be single. Still too afraid to talk to women (they are scary) and I'd be spending my time alone somewhere, just me and my computer. Probably lost in an endless world of games and what not. Always disconnected from reality and off into some fantasy world.

Hiding away.

Probably never having found this site. It was my inability to hide or run away (I couldn't up and abandon my wife and kids) that brought me to a place where I had to deal with it. It was that same responsibility to them that kept me from ending my life.

So, even on the bad days, the days where I just want to get away, or days when I'm hurt and angry that the reality of it all is there no matter what.

She's good for me.

She likes turtles.

She grabbed hold of this turtle of a man, and even though everyone says you're not supposed to, she's been pulling me out of my shell ever since. Or rather.... she's just been making it hard for me to go back into my shell and hide.


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#294984 - 07/11/09 07:10 PM Re: Why I'm Married..... [Re: JustScott]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
Scott,

Good for you!! You have started to come out of your shell...Isn't life great when you can see what is really going on? It lets us see other people who need us and we can bless their lives too!!

Enjoy the LIGHT!! Ted

_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#294988 - 07/11/09 08:10 PM Re: Why I'm Married..... [Re: Tedure]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 844
Loc: Northeast, USA
Hey Scott,

It sounds like your wife has brought you into the world of the living in a way that no therapist can even come close to doing. Your story is encouraging for me to hear. To know that there are people out there like your wife is to have my faith in humanity restored that much more. Glad you shared your story.

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#294992 - 07/11/09 10:46 PM Re: Why I'm Married..... [Re: Casmir213]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 279
You're lucky man. I wish I could run across one like that.


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#295076 - 07/12/09 09:15 PM Re: Why I'm Married..... [Re: JustScott]
Clockwise Offline


Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Pennsylvania
I really hope to find someone like that in my lifetime. I don't want to be a burden or get caught up in my own problems and shortcomings to the point that I'm holding them back. Your post gives me some hope that there is some hope out there for me. Thanks.

Terrick

_________________________
Yet another 24 hours.

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#295079 - 07/12/09 09:28 PM Re: Why I'm Married..... [Re: Clockwise]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
I truly believe there really is someone for everyone out there.

I say just be open... but I'm the last one to be able to give that advice. My heart is still locked down and I don't know how to open it!!! :-(

It's possible, just don't give up and heal as much as you can!


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#295083 - 07/12/09 09:49 PM Re: Why I'm Married..... [Re: JustScott]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Scott,

A piece of good advice for all of us.

"It's possible, just don't give up and heal as much as you can"

Thanks for showing us to never give up on ourselves. Even when the goings tought and and we cannot see the end of the journey.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#295085 - 07/12/09 10:03 PM Re: Why I'm Married..... [Re: michael banks]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I would love to know how any of you ever felt convinced that you ever wanted to marry anyone at all.

Intimacy.......relationships.........I'll never understand them.......


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#295090 - 07/12/09 10:28 PM Re: Why I'm Married..... [Re: Hauser]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
I think for me... I was desperate to be loved. To be accepted.

That was part of the drive for me. But on my own it would have never happened. I was WAY too afraid of the whole deal and the few times I had attempted to reach out to a few people that I liked or had a crush on, went REALLY bad. Pain and heartbreak beyond belief.

For me it was just the need inside that drove the desire, and I know somewhere inside I thought and felt it would fix a whole lot of things.

There are hard days for sure, but there are good days too.


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#295600 - 07/16/09 11:15 PM Re: Why I'm Married..... [Re: JustScott]
helpforhubby Offline


Registered: 07/16/09
Posts: 1
whoops didn't know I couldn't post here..sorry guys!



Edited by helpforhubby (07/16/09 11:32 PM)

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