Newest Members
DT, kk90, Austintexan, Cancan, LS
12257 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Blank (36), christx (41), Heartonfire (38), Nathan LaChine (31)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 15 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12257 Members
73 Forums
63124 Topics
441422 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 3 of 3 < 1 2 3
Topic Options
#295885 - 07/19/09 08:45 AM Re: Why does nobody recognize I'm an outcast? [Re: dark empathy]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Quote:
It is not that I feel the complement is bogus or unmeaning, ---- in fact if I can dismiss a complement as "just being polite" or similar, then I can avoid considderable trouble.


Luke I hesitated to respond to this. This has been a theme ever since I have known you. You cling hideously to this view like a drowning man to a waterlogged piece of floatsom. You know deep down it is an error in your thinking and eventually will let you down as it is not reality but you desperately cling to it nevertheless. "Why does nobody recognize I am an outcast?"

Well maybe, just maybe because your not??

You are simply another human being no less wonderful, no less faulty than the next of us. This is your cacoon, this is where you live, in this fantasy of being an outcast. Maybe because it is safe, or it has been, you do not have to deal with the messy business of relationships and yet deep inside you are aching for one.

You want a quick easy fix for your delimma but the truth is relationships are messy and take time. Will you get hurt? Probably, we all do. You will not die from it though and it will not be "end of the world" stuff. It really is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved and been loved at all.

Deep down you know this but you continue to wallow here at the edge rather than reaching out and becoming part of life's great adventure.

You know you want it, that is why you keep posting about it and how threatening it all is to you etc. Bless you Luke, you are not an outcast. You are a human that has been hurt like we all have been. Push through the pain, push through the lies and begin to accept that the compliments are sincere and that you might in that persons view anyway, deserve them. Just say thank you and move on.

You will find that these fears are phantoms, ghosts of the past with no substance when confronted. Courage is the key to your particular prison. I believe in you. You can believe in yourself with practice. So practice practice practice my friend.


Top
#295950 - 07/19/09 08:22 PM Re: Why does nobody recognize I'm an outcast? [Re: dark empathy]
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
Originally Posted By: dark empathy
Like someone pinning a medel on my chest?

Well yes in the literal sense, ----- ie, I am naked and having a pin jabbed into my chest.

It is not that I feel the complement is bogus or unmeaning, ---- in fact if I can dismiss a complement as "just being polite" or similar, then I can avoid considderable trouble.

It's that the complement feels so physically wrong! so profoundly different from the way I am inside, it builds up a sense of pressure, of force, of a deep wounding which I can't even quite explain.

it'd be like trying to swallow ahuge lump of solid, unmelting ice. it's cold, it's painful, it hurts, and you feel it push and scrape and burn all the way down your throat and into your stomach sinse it's not meant to be swallowed and forced down like that.

That's how complements are for me.


I think what I meant with the medal analogy is that you feel so inferior that you feel unworthy of the compliment that it feels wrong to you...like a bogus medal.

So I think we're both talking about the same thing here. Some reactions become so ingrained they take on a life of their own and become detached from their original context.

That feeling might have started out being experienced as feeling unworthy or inferior and then evolved into just being a general feeling of pain.





Edited by Jaifian (09/08/09 12:04 PM)

Top
#296002 - 07/20/09 12:49 AM Re: Why does nobody recognize I'm an outcast? [Re: Jaifian]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1901
Loc: durham, north england
Roger, I hesitated to respond to this myself sinse I wanted some time to consider it. I think you right in terms of it being a general theme and something I know which is wrong.

The problem is, I feel powerless to change this.

I've literaly ad these feelings thrust on me with no ability to change them. During my time at boarding school this was done in a subtle, unpleasant way, ---- I remember for instance the teacher talking about me in class within my hereing to a supply teacher who was going to take over for a week or so while she was on holiday, telling him that I catagorically refused to ollow rules and was incredibly unpleasant to work with, --- which was such a shame given my great intelligence which was spoiled by my manner.

then at secondary school, things got literally and unquestionably nasty.

As I've said before, i even got to like verbal insults, even when they were of the most graphic sort, ---- being told I was deseased, that I was worth shit, that I didn't belong there sinse I was deseased etc.

I always figured verbal insults were better than the physical violence or very real and literal forms of humiliation which could be enacted upon me.

My fears concerning touch and my inability to make that vital first move in a relationship is entirely based on lack of courage I agree, ---- but the essential feeling, the reason I can't kick this feeling of worthlessness which clings to me like a shadow, the reason complements hurt and I can't believe anyone could feel something for me is because I feel powerless to do anything about this, ---- just as I was powerless during all my abuse.

I think this is an interesting realization, but I've no idea where I go from here.


Top
#296034 - 07/20/09 02:09 AM Re: Why does nobody recognize I'm an outcast? [Re: dark empathy]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Bless you Luke,
My only suggestion on where to go from here would be baby steps. You did not get here overnight. It was done gradually and gradually you will have to climb back. Taking these posts to a good and I emphasize good, Therapist will help you in your climb back from this place you have been pushed into. You can do it but you will not do it alone or you would have done it already. You are an intelligent man but you have huge blind spots that a good T can help you with. Take care friend.
R


Top
Page 3 of 3 < 1 2 3


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.