Hi, Guys.

I am wanting sex. For the first time in 40 years, I am wanting sex.

I am wanting to be social and wanting to be noticed.

Up until, 4-1-08, I did not want to be noticed, social or have sex.

I guess this is progress. Of course, my question is what is the next appropriate step. Is there a 12step program for those wanting sex. lol

DJ

Maybe a dating website? I might recommend waiting until you are strong enough to withstand the loss of a partner before beginning to date again. There are 12-step groups for sex and love addicts (SLAA), but I don't know enough about you to make a recommendation in that direction. When we have acquired better, more-positive coping skills, have dealt with our shame, and have begun to make progress with recovering our self-esteem and self-confidence, we are then in a much better place to withstand life's little setbacks when and if they occur.

A little casual sex might not hurt once in a while, but a healthy intimate longer-term relationship with that kind of emotional attachment might have to wait until later recovery. Various forms of sex addiction are issues that a number of survivors have to deal with in their recovery too.

Just my advice. It does sound like you are making progress.

Keep up the good work,

Mark

Well, Mark is right, dating web sites are a great way to go. I've made lots of great friends online. However, there is one thing that you must consider. Are you ready, emotionally, for dating and sex? Dating can drudge up lots of emotions from people judging you, rejecting you, accepting you, touching you, etc. You may want to take some time to evaluate and examine these things before you jump. And when you do make the jump, begin simply by making friends and being social, don't try to jump into the deep end too fast and don't get too emotionally attached too fast either. Guard your heart and get to know people very well first. A rule that has been given to me is "it takes at least 6 months before you see most of the sides of a person". Just remember to be good to yourself and to not blame yourself for anything that doesn't work or every time you get hurt. It is a learning process.

Peace and love...

Michael

Hey DJ,

I think you should try to keep yourself prepared but not worry too much about all the issues and feelings that may come up. Lots of that stuff you can deal with as they arise. Take one step at a time and be confident about it.

The only problem is you have only said you want sex, you haven't said you want a partner. Going out and just looking for sex i think will be counterproductive to your recovery unless you are doing it with somebody you actually care about.

Lewis

heck, i'd just settle for healthy friendship sans sex. my sex life is satisfying, so why drag a stranger into the mix? it would be nice to explore sex with a partner, but i am much more interested in cultivating rare healthy emotional bonds. i think that happens as trust builds. relationships built on throw away sex acts are doomed to peter out [sorry couldn't resist]. relationships built on mutual caring and support have the potential to last a long time, perhaps for life.

after working for a year on building a relationship with my spiritual community, i have begun to bond in emotionally healthy ways with the individual members. the relationships are not leading to sex, but i am realizing that these intimate connections are far more valuable and far more enduring that the 5 second pleasure of a physical 'O'.

we each have different needs though, and i am merely stating here what is true for me [sex is soooo over-rated], as far as my deepest desires and wants.

thanks for listening,

all the best,

ron