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#294330 - 07/05/09 06:32 PM was my dad
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Guys.

The newest memory I am having is of my dad during the abuse. I hated to go out to the outhouse. Upon discovering I had to pee (i was 6) my dad very angrily told me to go out to the outhouse.

Well I made it to the outhouse a couple of hours later.

Anyways, how this is affecting me today is:

1. I have been struggling with a headache since I woke up @ 10am - yes, I did not wake up til 10am. I did not go to sleep until 230am.

2. I had stomach cramps - I made myself some oatmeal. Within the next 1.5 hours I had the "memory" - I alternated back and forth from being on the toilet with a huge urge to release to a siting the chair from exhaustion.

3. I needed a nap so thought I would lay down for an hour nap but slept 2 hours.

4. I know feel like I have been hung over for 8 hours.

Has anyone ever had body memories? How do they affect you?

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#294374 - 07/06/09 01:06 AM Re: was my dad [Re: DJsport]
jtafoya11 Offline


Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 24
Loc: new mexico
i have momories that seem real like my hand put in the falm of the stove its like a real sensation

_________________________
Randy Tafoya

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#294399 - 07/06/09 12:29 PM Re: was my dad [Re: jtafoya11]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
DJ,

These memories are no joy, that's for sure. But what's actually happening is that your mind is letting go of more of the information it has stored up from the time of the abuse. If it doesn't seem very coherent that's because trauma memories are stored in a part of the brain separate from where regular "historical" memories (e.g. what I had for dinner last night) are kept. They enter in fragments, unprocessed and with a lot of the sensory information still attached and quite raw. That's why they feel so real. And they hit us so suddenly because they can't be recalled on command, as it were, but rather are triggered. For example, the smell of a certain aftershave used to cause me a lot of trouble because it was used by the abuser; smelling it would set off memories that I didn't know I had.

The good news here is that all this is part of your healing, rough as it may be at the time. By recalling these memories we're writing them across to the part of the brain where we can actually work on them, as opposed to just get ambushed by them.

Hope this makes sense - it's a complicated topic and one that troubles a lot of survivors. The unexpected triggering and the raw sensory aspects make us feel like we're being victimized all over again.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#294402 - 07/06/09 01:17 PM Re: was my dad [Re: roadrunner]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Thanks Larry

For the explanation, as it helps to know I am actually healing and not going crazy.

I am learning to retrain the thoughts that are associated with the feelings and to feel the feelings.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#294489 - 07/07/09 08:51 AM Re: was my dad [Re: DJsport]
MichaeldR Offline


Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina
Hi, DJ:

You wrote: Has anyone ever had body memories? How do they affect you?

I had a really bad nightmare several months ago - actually just the review of a memory of when I was raped by a neighbor when I was 13. Right after that I started having cramps in my left shoulder and left side, as well as my butt. All three still hurt but I'm hoping to get some relief through massage therapy in the near future.

Best regards,

Michael

_________________________
Mike

My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - Lą oł il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - Lą oł il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.

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#294626 - 07/08/09 10:51 AM Re: was my dad [Re: MichaeldR]
han Offline


Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 2
Loc: San Francisco, Ca
Body Mememories...how I know too well
The triggers Larry spoke of can for me be so sudden and real
This is how I came to knowing, I was sexually abused. I found myself, under a table curled up in the fetus position. I had at last memory been laying on the couch. I was cring and I noticed as I stood up..a deep preasure in my lower abdomine, as well as my anus was wet and dripping. I was so dosoriented and had to stand by the window to find some type of stabilty. Gradually I came back to the present, but to be so angry and emotional and so full many sensations. I literally wanted to be raped. I sat and waited. This was a Major body memory, I hope to never experience again. But it woke me up! I had previously had clues and brief thoughts about the possibilty of abuse...but cast it away, as I could not entertain the thought. I guess my mind/body needed to make the forgotten known. I share this because I know the memories all too well. I extend my hand so to speak..and hope you hang in there. These are the times for self care. Best to you


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