I am needing to figure out what is the difference between secrets and privacy.

My family was messed up. It seemed everyone was protecting everyone else in secrecy. I did not learn what privacy was.

I am deep in an issue and I am thinking if I understood the difference between secrecy and privacy I will be able to find some resolution.

I have been told of a book by John Bradshaw about this very topic.

Please help.

DJ

DJ,

Just a quick thought. Privacy is something that we expect (both from ourselves and others) that protects us from those that are not close or who we do not trust.

If I am having a disagreement with my wife, and I share with a close friend but he tells his wife and she tells someone and... This violated what I would expect as being a private piece of information.

Secrecy I think feels more like "hiding something". It has a much more negative connotation to it. You MUST keep this secret or else... Like someone is defining what you choose to share of your experience. That seems to me that they are violating MY boundaries by making such demands (overtly or subtlety).

Jim

DJ,

It's a good by Bradshaw. I've recently purchased it and will probably read it again soon. It's called "Family Secrets", and it describes exactly the difference between healthy privacy and unhealthy secrets that you are looking for in your post. It's a must read for you.

Rocco

Thanks Rocco.

I will purchase it or go look for it at the local library.

I do need to read it.

DJ