Obvisously it did not end at the clubhouse. After that point we moved to a different state, and within that state we moved five times. At every residence there is a memory of csa. We lived with a grandmother who lived in the country. I remember having to share that same bed with my brother and being touched and petted as we both stared at the door making sure no one was coming. In the same house we eventually were given a room that we shared and slept on bunk beds. Brother on bottom bunk and me on the top. By this time I was eleven going on twelve and I was addicted to masterbation. As I stated before my brother taught me to masterbate. It felt good. My brother used to get mad because I would do it three or four times a night. Sometimes he would join in or just watch but most of the time he got mad. But then if we were alone in the surrounding yard or woods I was expected to preform for him, on him, with him on me. I remember being next to a creek that was down a small revine (hill) and my brother started to rub his body against mine. I remember him unzipping my pants that his and pulling out both our penis's. He rub them together and I ended up masterbating him. I can only feel the shame of it now, but little of anything else.
As I sit here and type a new memory popped in my head and it seems real because I can see the whole surrounding and can feel the uncomfortability of the moment. We were in our fourth house and my parent were gone. I dont remember where. My brother walked to the back of the house; i knew what was about to happen. I can feel how scared and almost excited I was. I walked through the little house and can remember the fear and antisapation growing. When i reach our shared bedroom, my brotehr was around the corner naked. he helped me undress and for the first time that I can remember, he turned me around and told me to bend over alittle. So I did...the pain is unbarable...i can feel the sensation as I type. Tears swelled up...as they are now...but he continued to keep puching in, trying to get the whole thing in (my brother was endowed as it were) and it hit hurt so bad. I can still feel sensations of pain and feeling as if I was being stabbed in the butt on the inside of my body...

I have to stop.