ive been working with my counsiler, and she said just made a big step, but i wonder why the di>

Don't be afraid of the flood gates. Yes, breakthroughs can be very scary, usually (I think) because to get to the good things at the end of the process you have to go through and destroy a lot of the assumptions you have about something. For example, realising that you are a man and that real masculinity is good can be great but you may have to deal with some past experiences where a man has dominated, hurt and abused you and shaped your past understanding of masculinity. Or, for joy, you may have to deal with the fact that joy does not last forever before you can give in an enjoy the moment.

Be strong. The flood will pass and you will be left with more good things than you had before.

fenics

I have breakthroughs from time to time as well and they can set off all kinds of stuff. I'll be sitting there and a single thought will crash through what I thought I knew and effectively force me to re-evaluate what I thought I knew. But usually it helps a little thought the intensity can be pretty hectic.
When it happens, I think of the mother and baby baboons in africa - where the baby clings to his mothers underbelly as she crashes through the underbrush and the baby has to hang on for dear life or get knocked off by whipping branches. I think the thing I try hang on to most stubbornly when its happening is that I am going somewhere. And that anywhere is better than here. Thats the consolation prize at the bottom of the barrel.