Hi I have no idea how long this will go on. I want to open up and share all at once but the emotions come like a wave and I have to go and not think on these things. I am glad my other thearpist talked me into checking this website out. I felt bad about requesting another one but I was given advice to have a male thearpist and since then it has been easy to open up and deal with these issues that I feel after a decade shouldn't affect me the way it does. But I survived it and it wasn't easy.
Marcus wasn't always mean to me sometimes he was like my best friend. He would sometimes act like a little kid with me when nobody else was around. Literally; We would play tag and hide-and-seek and he had a beautiful smile sometimes and he grew very attached to me. He would hug me sometimes out of thin air and get very upset with anyone who gave me a problem. I wasn't always afraid of him: but most of the time I was afraid of him. Marcus was an asshole at times though when he got upset his fury was like a hurricaine and there was a lot of destruction, mainly black eyes and busted lips and sore muscles. He was not always mean though. I couldn't justly tell about my CSA without telling about the fair times with him. He wasn't a saint - I'll put it that way. Marcus would sometimes break down and tell me in secret about his abuser and CSA and cry and beg me never to hate him. It was these times that I cared for him more and more and wanted to be with him forever when he was weak and let down his thug ghetto mentality when nobody was around but us and sometimes Carlos.
There are other things that happened but I don't want to talk about them now. Later Gotta get a lid on my heart and my emotions it is getting to me now. Maybe I will try later or tommorrow. I will read others and reply if it moves me. Maybe that will help bye for now. Part 2 Part 1