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#292461 - 06/21/09 03:37 AM Anothers Fathers' day
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Well, it has rolled around again. I try not to think about it but of course it is here now and this time I am not with any of my kids. I will pick up my daughter tomorrow and we will spend the day together because it is mandated in the divorce that this is one of the days by decree we spend together. I am looking forward to it.

I do not miss my Dad and yet my thoughts cannot help but turn to him now. I cannot hear the house settle at night or some pop or creak in the dark with out it sending me back to my young teen years of waiting in the dark for him to come to my room. It all seemed so natural back then and so perverted and sick now. And yet I can still remember the feeling of lying in bed naked with my door slightly ajar, my heart pounding, waiting....waiting scared and excited at the same time.

And the slow agony of realizing occasionally that tonight would not be the night and falling asleep slowly, lonely, and sad that the unpleasantness of it all would not be experienced tonight.

Is it any wonder that I am so messed up when it comes to intimacy and sex.




Edited by Freedom49 (06/21/09 03:41 AM)
Edit Reason: spelling

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#292470 - 06/21/09 09:37 AM Re: Anothers Fathers' day [Re: Freedom49]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, Freedom49.

Yes, another fathers day. Like you it isn't a pleasant one. I don't ever remember having a father around. But I had a sister 3 years younger.

But there was another person whom I "loved" like a "father", as he payed attention to this young boy. He gave me his total attention. He "nurtured me", He showed and taught me things, both non sexually and sexually. But he had me as his sexual toy for years. This little boy whom was denied the love and affection from his "mother" turned to his only source of "love".
He held me in his arem & lap, he made me feel loved, he made me feel his warmpth, he made me feel pleasure, he made me feel good, he made me his for years. As he was the father or parent(s) that I never had.
But right now I am paying for his sins. Why I always think of him, I'll never know. I supposedly buried him forever at that WOR in Georgia last month, forever, forever into eternity.

I hope that you enjoyed your day with your daughter.

Heal well Freedom49, my brother/friend.

Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#292483 - 06/21/09 12:02 PM Re: Anothers Fathers' day [Re: petercorbett]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
I'ts fathers day today here, he is on holiday somewhere with my mother, not for fathers day, just happens to be so.

On fathers day i would like the time not to think of bad things, but to think of all the good fathers out there doing such a wonderful job.

To all good fathers, this day is for you, enjoy it!

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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