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#29220 - 08/18/05 10:14 PM "Liking it" and what is abuse? TTT
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
The difference between the male and female bodies are pretty obvious.

A question arose here from Roadrunner aks Larry, and it is on of the frequent things that come up in chat.

It is pretty humiliating for a boy to have an erction while being abused, and it must have huge pychological impact!

The body of a male responds to touch, and in a young male, then it does not take much to arouse him. Senses of touch or other sexual exploitation seem common in experiences faced by boys.

A male has to 'perform', and maybe the 'perform' links his mind back to an abusive situation in life, and it reminds him of past events when he 'performed' in a position of coercion.

He cannot get past the fact that he did 'perform', and he cannot relate these past issues as abuse, as he physically responded to an abusive situation.

He runs this through his mind, and the answer keeps coming up, that somehow he was party to the abuse.

I am not stealing Larrys thread, I just wanted to get things a little clearer in my mind.

An abusive situation is where a child is made to perform and indecent act, but he is not old enough to perceive what sex is really about, so the guilt, anger, humiliation and all the other thousand things start to hit him.

They hit him hard, because somehow he is pigeonholing himself as 'wanting it', and this is how abusers thrive so much on taking boys' lives away.

Some of these boys have to live a life of silence, some told the authorities of which I did, with little consequence, but the ones who hide in total silence must beat themselves senseless with all this guilt "Which Never Was Yours".

It is very powerful to come here and be able to discuss these issues, even if they are so hideous in their nature, but it is an important first step in healing.

It is a big issue with me because I had nowhere to turn in life, and had to trust my own mind to get me through life, and it is not easy, as many can testify to.

I just hope this place stays a safe haven to those who have nowhere to turn, or are looking for the answers that nobody in life could furnish.

There is definitely a great deal of good to be derived from just sharing anothers hurt, and relating to it withoug invalidating their own hurt.

I spent a life of silence and invalidation coupled with all the guilt, shame, humiliation, etc., but we all need to find our own inner self, and it is only by thoughts of encouragement that we get that positive influence in either ourselves, or the positive purpose we can influence on others,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#29222 - 08/20/05 11:41 PM Re: "Liking it" and what is abuse? TTT
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Jasper,

when this happened to me, my mind blocked my memory, and I could not truly identify him.
I could not go through all of the books of photographs as a ten yo, and think there were thousands of monsters out there.

I just wanted to clean myself up from this filth, and the other thing is, that if I did make a positive identification, then would my dad kill him, and yes he would.

This is how they manipulate a kid into keeping quiet and not telling to protect his family.

It becomes pretty steep after that, because he has to at that point carry the burden of guilt that was never his own.

I felt guilt for not being able to identify the abuser, and I felt guilty sitting in school thinking I could have nailed him and got him off the streets.

I felt guilty because I never rcsognised him to stop further abuse, and I felt others could be abused by him, and took his guilt into my mind.

I wanted him to be jailed, but I had to protect my father because somehow I thought was a killer, he was a killer of people, and he never cared who he killed.

If I look back as an adult, then I would say that it was a case of almost losing my childhood to an adult, who he may have trusted.

I just want Ste to be ste, and not have so much hurt in him, cos it is too much,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#29223 - 08/22/05 10:08 AM Re: "Liking it" and what is abuse? TTT
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Ste,

The abuse from my sport coach as I was growing up, I did not 'respond' physically, probably because he was always violent, and there was usually terror of some sort involved.

However, the inappropriate touch from my mother DID cause reaction, and I think that causes me more shame then the rest. I am not sure what events caused my sexual dysfunction now, but I'm sure it was a combination of things.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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